She worries her lower lip between her teeth. “I’m sorry, Theo.”
“For what?” I arch a brow. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who needs to apologize. I should never have pushed you away.” I close my eyes as her fingers wind through my hair, and I’m in heaven.
I have always loved the feel of her hands running through my hair.
I have always loved her touch.
Period.
I can’t begin to explain it, because she’s the only woman I’m attracted to. The only woman I’ve ever wanted.
“I spent years torturing myself over being gay,” I admit, and this is nothing new, because Harlow is the only other person on this planet who knows the truth about me. “And now, I don’t know what label to apply.”
“You’re bi,” she says, and my eyes pop open.
I run my hands up each side of her neck. “I’m not. I’m into guys. And you.”
“Then, maybe, you’re…” She halts mid-sentence, a look of fierce determination washing over her beautiful face. “You know what? I fucking hate labels, and I’m not attaching one to you. You areyou.” She cups my face. “And you are beautifully, perfectly imperfect. Never change, and never apologize or feel bad for who you are.”
“I am not worthy of you.” I skim my thumbs along the elegant column of her neck, my eyes dropping to her lips. “Do you have any idea how deeply I care about you? How badly my heart and soul has ached for you?”
“Theo.” Her tone is barely louder than a whisper, her voice choked. “I spent years missing you. Believing my feelings were unrequited. If I’d known…”
“I did it for you, Lo.” I move my hands up, clasping her face in my palms. “The main reason I joined The Sainthood was for you. I knew if your father was caught up with them it wasn’t by choice. Dad was freaking out too badly to stop and realize that truth. Your father was a good man, and he worshiped the ground you and Giana walked on. My gut told me he was mixed up with them out of force, not free will.”
I pull her face to mine, resting my forehead against hers. Her alluring scent swirls around me, and I never want to let her go. “I didn’t know they were behind your kidnapping, but I knew somehow, instinctively, that your dad’s involvement with them was connected to you. I was terrified you’d get dragged into it, and I knew if I could make it up to you I had to protect you. And what better way to do that than from the inside? It’s all been for you Lo, because you are everything to me.”
“Oh my God, Theo,” she cries, planting a firm kiss on my lips. “You crazy, stupid idiot. I never wanted you to get involved with them, certainly not on my account. All you had to do was tell me the truth.” She flings her arms around me, smushing my face all up in her tits.
Not that I’m complaining. They are bigger than they were when we were dating, even though she was already well developed, but I’ve been itching to put my hands on her from the moment she reentered my life. I bury my head in her chest, and a satisfied sigh escapes my lips.
“Do you know how much I love you?” she whispers, her voice trembling. I lift my head. A single tear rolls down her face. “Or how hard it is to admit that even to myself?” Another tear slides out of her eye. “There were so many nights I berated myself over yearning for you, knowing you could never love me back because I had the wrong body parts.”
Silent tears continue to cascade down her face, and I wipe them away with my thumbs. “You don’t, baby,” I whisper, pressing my lips to hers and closing my eyes, reveling in the feel of her hot mouth against mine. “That’s where we were both wrong.” I open my eyes, placing my hand over her tit, in the spot where her heart is thudding wildly. “It was never about that. Not with us. Not when your soul speaks to mine in the way it does. Not with the connection we have. I know you’re scared. Fuck it, I’m scared too. I never want to hurt you again, but I’m done feeling like half a person. I lost half my soul the day I let you go, and I was an idiot for not chasing after you.”
I kiss the wetness on her cheeks. “I’m not making the same mistake again. I love you, Lo. I love you, and I want you, and I will wait for however long you take to be okay with that, but mark my words, I am going nowhere. I won’t lose you again. Ican’tlose you again. And more than that, I won’t ever fail you again. I will never, ever, let you down again. That is a promise I will take to the grave.”
CHAPTER 21
Harlow
ICLING TOhim, pressing my body flush against his, and I never want to let go. Holding Theo like this brings back a host of memories.
Mostly good.
Some not so much.
I can’t stop crying, and it hasn’t escaped my notice that, after all these years, Theo is the one to crack through my veneer. I don’t know why I’m all that surprised. Theo is the only one I have ever been able to open up to. He knows some of my deepest, darkest secrets, like I know his.
But this.
This has thrown me for a loop.
His admission, his profession of love, has burrowed through the walls I’ve built around my heart. They were already wobbling, weakened by the strength of my growing feelings for these guys.
But this revelation is everything.
Everything.
