Anger replaces her tears. “I was a total mess. I threw myself into work, taking every available shift, just so I wouldn’t think about it. I wouldn’t talk about Tillie or Chris, and I still haven’t processed it all.” Tears flood her eyes again, and I can barely breathe over the agony pressing down on my chest.
“It still hurts, Kent.” She slaps a hand over her chest, right where her heart is. “I still can’t look at babies without remembering how I lost mine. Tillie would’ve been six now, and anytime I see kids of a similar age, it guts me all over again.” She buries her face in her hands, and her entire body heaves as she sobs, propelling me into action.
I crawl to her side, pulling her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her, holding her tight, wishing I could absorb some of her pain. “I’m so sorry, baby.” I dust kisses into her hair. “I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you.”
“Worst of all is the knowledge I might never be able to conceive again,” she adds, fisting my shirt, her words slightly muffled. “They discovered a tumor on one of my fallopian tubes. That type of cancer is rare, especially in young women. They removed the damaged tube, and while they’ve said it’s not impossible to get pregnant, it’s going to be harder. Plus, I had to have other treatment to ensure the cancer was gone, and that could’ve affected my fertility.”
“It doesn’t mean it won’t happen,” I say, brushing hair out of her face. “And we can hire the best specialists and get the best advice when the time comes.”
I can’t believe we’re talking about this and I’m not freaking the fuck out. Thank you, Mary J.
“Nothing is guaranteed, and I don’t know if I could cope with the stress. In my head, the two things are connected. I don’t know if I’ll ever be mentally able for another pregnancy.”
“Did the doctors say the cancer caused you to go into early labor?” I softly ask.
“They said it’s unlikely, but they couldn’t rule it out either.” She rests her head on my shoulder, slumping against me in defeat.
“We don’t need to worry about that now.” I attempt to reassure her. “And there are other things we can do if you can’t get pregnant.”
“You say that now, but you don’t know how you’ll feel in the future.”
“Honestly, Pres. I’ve never been too sure whether I wanted kids at all,” I truthfully admit.
“Why not?” she asks, peering up at me with her big tear-filled eyes.
I shrug, not wanting to get into it. “I have my reasons.”
“Well, you might not have any choice in the matter now,” she says in a cold tone.
Anger bubbles under the surface of my skin because Presley could be right. If this baby is mine, I’m a dad whether I want to be or not. I could never leave any child of mine to grow up without a father, so if it’s true, I guess I’ll have to man up and grow up.
“No,” I agree. “But there is a choice when it comes to us, and I want you with me, Presley. This hasn’t altered how I feel about you. You’re too important to me. And think about it. If this baby is mine, you can help me raise him or her.”
She goes rigid in my arms before pushing me away, scooting back like I’ve just shot her. “Have you not heard a word I just said?” she yells.
“Of course, I have. But this might help. And if you want to talk to a grief counselor, I can pay for it or—”
She hops up, and more tears flow down her face. “Get out.” She points at the door. “Get out and stay out, Kent. You can’t offer me some other woman’s baby like that will paper over the cracks in my heart. My daughter cannot be replaced with someone else’s child!” she screams in between crying.
I scramble to my feet, moving cautiously toward her. “I didn’t mean to imply you could. I just—”
“It doesn’t matter, Kent.” She rubs at her eyes. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m sorry, but this is where we draw the line.”
“Presley, please. I know my life is a train wreck right now, and you’re upset with good reason. I’ll give you some time to think about it, but please don’t push me away.” This girl is all I’m holding on to right now, and if I lose her, I will lose my shit.
“I can’t be there for you, Kent. I wish I could, but I just can’t go through all this again. I can’t relive the memories because it will kill me.”
“So, that’s it, huh?” I fold my arms, letting anger replace the panic and fear flowing through my veins. “You’re gonna cut me loose just like that.” I close the gap between us, leaning into her gorgeous face, hating that I ever met her. “I don’t know if it’s my baby, and you won’t even wait for paternity to be determined.”
“You said she won’t have the test!” she screeches.
“I can go to court and make her,” I bark. “And I would’ve done that for you if that’s what you needed.” I shove past her, feeling way too much, and I know if I stay here any longer I will say something I really regret. “But you’ve just tossed me aside like I never fucking mattered.” I stalk toward the door with Presley hot on my heels.
“That’s not true. Of course, you matter!”
I yank the door open, almost pulling it off the hinges. I spin around to face her. “It’s okay, Presley. You’re off the hook. Your conscience is clear. It’s not like this is unexpected. You’re exactly like everyone else in my life who proclaims to care about me—fucking absent when I need you the most.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
