Old habits die hard.
I swing the door open and smile at the woman I respect and admire. I step aside. “Hi, Alex.” I offer her a soft smile. “Come in.”
As soon as the door is locked, I turn to face our guest. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too, honey.” She places the bouquet of flowers and bottle of wine down on the hall table before opening her arms. “Would a hug be okay?” I step into her waiting arms, hugging her gently. “How are you?” she asks, when we break our embrace. “How is college?”
“I’m good, and great. Although the course load is heavy this year. I’m worried about fitting everything in.” We walk into the living room, where Mom is waiting.
“Alex. Thank you for coming.” They hug and Mom gratefully accepts the flowers and wine. “I already poured you a glass of shiraz,” Mom says, gesturing toward the large crystal goblet filled to the halfway point with deep, berry-red wine. “Why don’t you two catch up while I plate up?”
“Sounds good.” Alex smiles at Mom before sitting down on the couch, reaching for her wine.
I take a sip of my sparkling water before sitting down alongside her. “What’s new with you?”
“I’m keeping busy, which you know I love.” She waggles her brows. “Our interior design business is booming, so we’re expanding. We’ve just acquired a new building down by the harbor, and we’re recruiting a lot of new staff. Faye is helping us manage the process although I’m hoping she might want to come and work with us when she graduates next year. We will need a full-time human resources manager by then.”
I only briefly met her daughter-in-law Faye one time, by pure chance, on a busy Boston street. I was having a bit of a meltdown at the time, so it’s embarrassing to remember.
Keanu was fifteen when Faye was orphaned and came to live with his family. His dad, James, is her uncle. It was quite the scandal when it was revealed that Faye was dating Keanu’s brother, Kyler, even though they are only cousins by way of marriage and there are no blood ties as James isn’t Kyler’s bio dad. They got married last year, and the media made a big deal out of it again, but that’s to be expected. The level of public interest in the Kennedys has always been ridiculous.
“Do you think she’ll accept?” I ask.
“I’m not sure. Kyler and Faye have plans to travel for a year, so, if that happens, I will probably have to hire someone else.”
“It’s good the business is doing so well. Not that I’m surprised.” I smooth a hand down over my dress, clasping my hands in my lap. “And Mom told me about you and James. I’m happy for you.” Alex and James Kennedy have been separated for a few years, but they recently reunited.
“Thank you, Selena.” Her face glows, radiating happiness. “Life is better than ever right now, and I’ve a lot to be thankful for.” Her eyes penetrate mine. “We are renewing our vows in a small private ceremony in November,” she adds. “I would love you to come with your Mom. It’s just family and close friends.”
I bite down on my lip, swallowing painfully. “I—” My mouth turns dry, and the words flitter away. I hate disappointing her, because she has helped me in so many ways, but I can’t be there for her. Not with Keanu there. What if he brings a date? How embarrassing would it be if I had a panic attack in front of his entire family? It’s one of the reasons why I never went to his house, never formally met his family, when we were dating. The only members of his family I’ve met are Alex, Kent, Keaton, Kyler, and Faye, but in the latter three cases, it’s only been fleeting.
“It’s okay, honey.” She reaches her hand out instinctively, withdrawing it to her side almost as fast. “I understand.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “If it counts, I wish I could be there.”
“I know, sweetie.” She shoots me a smile loaded with compassion. “This may not be my place to say it, but he still misses you. Still loves you. There hasn’t been anyone else.”
I know he hasn’t been a saint, because I’ve heard rumors of him hooking up with a couple of models, but I’ve often wondered if he’d found a new girlfriend.
How can my heart rejoice and feel sad hearing that at the same time?
I don’t like to think about Keanu finding another woman to love, but I don’t like to think about him alone either, because a guy like Keanu deserves to love and be loved.
“I still miss him too,” I truthfully admit. “And there hasn’t been anyone else for me either.” There never will be, but that’s too pathetic to admit out loud.
She nods, sympathy etched all over her face. “I’m still rooting for you two, you know. I never thought James and I would get back together or that I would end up believing the years we spent apart were the best thing to ever happen to us, but the truth is, it was.” Hope dances in her eyes. “And I think you and my son needed that too. I understand and respect how much you need to do this for yourself. But I still believe you two belong together, and if it’s meant to be, you will find your way back to one another.”
My therapist has echoed those same sentiments to me in the past.
And if I’m being honest, it’s a truth I hold precious in my heart.
One day, hopefully not too far in the distant future, I pray we can move forward and live the life we both deserve.
It’s the only thought that keeps me going on bad days, when I question the decisions I’ve made in my life and wish things could be different. That belief keeps me strong on days where I long to rush back into the security of his arms, because it keeps me focused on why I did it in the first place and it stops me from undoing all my hard work.
I only hope that, by the time I’m ready to win back his heart, that it isn’t too late.
2
