His words spread through me like sweet, warm honey, helping to ease some of the fear plundering my veins. “I don’t want this for you,” I whisper, averting my eyes. “You deserve better than me.”
“Is that why you did it?” he asks in a calm tone.
I raise my eyes, locking on his comforting, familiar blue gaze.
I understand his need for answers.
How I left him feeling confused and betrayed.
I know I owe him a better explanation than the one I gave him, but I can only deal with so much. “I can’t do this right now, K. I’m barely holding on as it is.” Plus, I don’t want to give him false hope. My head is a mess, and I don’t want to drag him down again.
He nods slowly. “Okay, but we are discussing this when the time is right.”
I nod my agreement, and my eyes well up again.
I can give him one truth. “I’ve missed youso much.”
“Not a day goes by where you aren’t in my thoughts,” he simply replies, and my heart swells with love.
I have never loved anyone the way I love Keanu. I know I never will. My eyes drift to his lush mouth, and my lips tingle with a craving to kiss him. He was always so gentle with me. So considerate of my feelings, and kissing him was one of my favorite pastimes.
I miss kissing him.
I miss being with him.
I just miss him. Period.
But if I tell him that we’ll end up back where we started, and right now, it feels like I’ve even less to offer him than before.
Was I wrong to come here? Not that it was a conscious decision, because it wasn’t. But Keanu has always been my safe place, so it’s no surprise I ended up here.
“I have a suggestion,” he says, rubbing the thin layer of stubble on his chin. My eyes are drawn to the tattoos on his lower arms. He didn’t have them when we were together. I never thought he’d be the type to get inked, but they suit him. With his dark hair, worn stylishly short at the sides and slightly longer on top, his ripped arms, chest, and abs, inked skin, and those stunning blue eyes that look like the ocean, he is hotter than ever.
I know his new edgier vibe has landed him some additional modeling gigs and tons of new fans. Every booker is crazy for his new look, and it’s why he’s so in demand. I’m very proud of him. Of what he’s achieved in his career and that he’s attending Harvard. He could have a full-time modeling career, but he’s always aspired to more. I love how much dedication and focus Keanu puts into things he’s passionate about.
He doesn’t know this, but he’s my biggest inspiration.
I peer into his beautiful face, encouraging him to go on with my eyes.
“Keven works for the FBI. I think we should talk to him. Off the record,” he adds when he sees my eyes pop wide. “He can advise us what to do.” He laces his fingers in mine. “But we would have to tell him the truth. He needs the facts if he’s going to help us.”
I take a few moments to mull it over, latching onto his hand, allowing warmth to seep from his skin to mine. I can’t just rock up to the local police station and lodge a complaint. For all we know, that bastard has the cops on his payroll. Mom might have contacts who can help too, but the last thing I want is her career getting damaged by my past.
I trust Keanu.
Completely.
And if he says he thinks his older brother might help, then it’s worth at least a phone call.
The alternative is I watch over my shoulder.
Become a recluse again.
And regress to the thirteen-year-old victim I’ve worked so hard to leave behind.
But I’m in no fit state to make such decisions right now. “It’s a worthy suggestion, but I need to think about it. And I need to talk to Denise.”
His tongue darts out, wetting his lips, and I stare greedily at his mouth, enjoying the distraction. “I understand, baby,” he says, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles on the back of my hand. “But I don’t like the fact he is out there and he might know who you are. How much information has he got on you?”
