“Okay.” He scoots closer, and I jump up, unable to bear his touch. His eyes examine my face, and his chest heaves. “Just spit it out.” His tone is even, but his face betrays his burgeoning fear.
“I should’ve told you this when I first arrived, but I wanted to make you pay.”
He eyeballs me, imploring me to continue.
“You lied to me, Kai! You tricked me into thinking you were someone else, and for weeks, while they imprisoned me at Parkhurst, I wondered ifeverythingwas a lie. If you were in on the pregnancy plan too.”
“I told you I wasn’t. I would never do that to you.”
“I know,” I whisper, pacing in front of the bed. “I know that now.”
“What are you saying, Abby?” He climbs out of bed, but keeps his distance, staring at me cautiously.
“I was still so angry. I wanted you to feel what it felt like to be deceived. To believe you had something, but it was all a lie.”
“What are you lying about?” He steps toward me, and I instinctively take a step back. “What have you done?”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt, and wracking sobs fill the silent space around us.
The bars around my heart shatter, and it all comes out.
Weeks of unacknowledged grief.
Unbearable loss.
Intense heartbreak.
It culminates in a barrage of internal pain and self-loathing.
I scream, and it’s birthed straight from my blackened soul. I can scarcely see him through the river of tears blurring my eyes. “I wanted to hurt you, and this will kill you, but it’s killed me too!”
His face portrays his own inner battle, and I sense he’s torn between wanting to comfort me and fearing the unknown. “Tell me, Abby.”
“I…” My voice chokes as more tears clogs my throat. My stomach churns as I cry, and the transparent terror on his face sends me over the edge. “I’m sorry.” I back toward the door. “I can’t.”
I race out of the bedroom, down the stairs, and out through the front door, running across the front field, directionless and with no plan except to flee the anguished look on his face.
I can’t say the words out loud.
Because then it’s real.
I hardly feel the light snowdrops landing on my body as I run or the icy chill underfoot as I race barefoot along the grass. The snow isn’t sticking because it was raining earlier, but the terrain underfoot is soft, and my feet sink into the ground, splashing mud against my calves.
“Abby! Stop!” Kai calls out, giving chase.
I keep running even though I know it’s futile.
“Stop.” He appears in front of me, spinning around and holding my shoulders to halt my forward trajectory. “Just stop.”
“You’ll hate me,” I sob. “I know it, because I hate myself.” I drop to my knees, burying my head in my hands, sobbing my heart out. There isn’t a single cell in my body that isn’t in agony as pain batters me from all sides.
He sinks to the muddy ground in front of me. “I need to know the truth, Abby. If this is about the baby—”
“There is no baby!” I sob, lifting my head to look at him. He deserves to hear this face to face. “The bastard took them!” I can barely speak over the heavy weight pressing down on my chest. A numbed shock splays across his face. “It was twins,” I whisper.
My sobs mix with his heavy breathing, sounding loud in the otherwise still night air.
“Tell me everything.” His voice is monotone, and if it wasn’t for the tortured expression on his face, I’d think he was devoid of feeling.
