–Sebastian: Depends. Are YOU going to cook?
–Emmett: I was thinking about it.
–Griffin: He’s probably taken out life insurance on all of us.
Spoken like a true economist. But it’s one of the more plausible explanations for Emmett’s sudden desire to kill us.
–Emmett: Veerrry funny. No, Monique wants to try it.
Ah crap. He pulled the Monique card. Time to shut this down before my brothers start to picture our beautiful niece and cave.
–Me: I’ve already arranged for catering. Let’s do potluck next time.
–Emmett: Shit.
–Grant: Why do you hate your daughter? She’ll never forgive you if you make her eat your “cooking.”
–Emmett: She had a playdate, and some girl bragged about having a potluck lunch. Now she really wants to try it.
May the lightning strike the kids who brag about potluck lunches. Why can’t they brag about something more ordinary? Like how their daddy bought them a special edition Barbie or something?
–Me: It was probably a catered potluck anyway. Who cooks these days?
–Nicholas: Well, it might not be too terrible if we stick to things that require minimal cooking—or none at all. Like ham, cheese and crackers? Maybe caviar if we want to get fancy?
–Me: That’s cat food.
–Sebastian: Cat food? Wait a minute! You feed Bobbi’s cat caviar?
–Me: Well, not every day.
–Huxley: WHIPPED!
At least I don’t have my family conspiring against me!I don’t type it since that would invite some awkward questioning. I already made an effort to alert Huxley. If he failed to notice, it isn’t my fault.
–Me: Don’t be jealous her cat deserves better than you. I expect you to be on your best behavior this Saturday.
–Nicholas: Unlike you, we know how to woo a lady. We’re married. You’re barely a steady BF.
I make a face. I can’t even give him shit because he never treated Molly wrong or screwed up.
–Me: Yeah, well, if you all manage to act civilized on Saturday, maybe on Sunday I’ll BE engaged.
–Sebastian: So that’s why you ordered a ring from Luce?
I raise my eyebrows. Can’t decide if he’s upset or just surprised. Probably a little bit of both. Every brother so far has used Sebastian Jewelry for their rings.
But that was before Lucie became family. Why shouldn’t she get some love too?
–Me: Yeah. She has great sensibility. Love the Peery Diamonds designs.
–Sebastian: I can’t decide if I should feel insulted.
He’s too pussy whipped to be annoyed by my subtle dig. Heh. It’s sort of cute, an adjective I never thought I’d associate with my asshole brother. He’s so freaking competitive, he believes in torching the other team until there’s nothing left. That attitude almost cost him his wife, but he hasn’t changed. He just changed the direction of his focus—now whatever Lucie does is right.
–Me: Not meeting your quarterly financial goal?
–Sebastian: Ha! We’re on target.
