Mock horror crosses his face. He probably thinks I’m messing with him. “No! They’re thekids. Can’t you tell from the onesies?”
“I thought they were dressed up puppies.”
Noah looks mildly insulted. “They don’t look anything like dogs. See? No fur.”
“You might’ve tried todrawfur and failed.”
“No.” His shoulders shake with mirth. “Oh man, just wait until I tell my brothers. They’ll give me shit about it.”
“So just don’t tell them…?”
“Nah, it’s fine. We always do it.” He grows sober. “I haven’t introduced you to them, but they’re important to me, and I want you to like them. All of us can be together and make a bigger family unit that has each other’s backs.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“Yeah. They’re fantastic. And your family can be part of the picture, too. I just didn’t know how to fit them in since I wasn’t sure who you like and who you want to delete from your life. I can add people, though.”
“I’m sure my cousins and aunt will appreciate that,” I say with a small smile.
He points at a white dot near us and the stroller. “The cat is Señor Mittens.”
I keep a straight face and nod. “How about a dog?” I ask, in case one of the wraithlike globs is a puppy Noah always wanted.
“Can’t. That’d be cruel to Nicholas.”
“Nicholas?”
“Another brother. He’s allergic to cats and dogs. About once a month or so, the brothers go around and host boys-only brunches, while the women get together for their girls-only fun time. None of us have pets, so Nicholas can join us without any problem.”
“Oh…” How will that work with Señor Mittens? He’s part of my life and I can’t imagine giving him up. But Noah’s brother matters, too.
Noah says: “But Señor Mittens is an important part of the family, so I can host the brunch elsewhere when it’s my turn. You shouldn’t have to give anything up, Bobbi. I don’t want you to, and none of my brothers would expect you to, either.”
It’s such a lovely vision that my wariness is starting to dissolve. But my logical side says he still hasn’t explained why he hasn’t been keeping his word to me. Unless I can be sure he won’t do that again, I can’t be certain that everything he’s told me just now isn’t just an empty promise, like before.
I consider what I’m about to say with care, so I don’t come across as unappreciative or dismissive of his effort. Turning to him, I meet his eyes with a little smile and place my hand on his. “That’s really nice and specific. Thank you for sharing. But I’m kind of having a problem trusting that it’s really going to happen the way you’ve laid it out.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Noah
Bobbi needs reassurance. But more than that, she needs me to explain why I let her down and how I plan to ensure it won’t happen again. Although my past actions were motivated by a desire to keep her safe, they ended up hurting her deeply. I have to do better if I want more than just a chance, but for her to really accept me.
“I need your honesty, Noah,” she says, “or I can’t do this. I don’t want to live feeling like I’m on a train that can derail at any moment.”
No way to avoid fessing up.It was the one thing I wanted to get around, so I wouldn’t have to lie by omission. A lot of what I’ve done is classified. But keeping it to myself will cost me Bobbi. And beyond that, it would hurt her, make her feel like she’s being deliberately kept in the dark.
Share enough so she can understand, but not so much that it will get you in trouble for spreading state secrets.
I take a moment to gather my thoughts—and courage. Failure here will mean the end. There won’t be any further chances given. But if I can convince her, she’ll give me a fair shot. She’s too honest not to.
“I think I was a little afraid. I didn’t have the best family life or role models. My parents aren’t married, and they’re basically only interested in their careers. Although I shouldn’t complain too much. Dad paid for me and my brothers, so we grew up with all the material comforts you could imagine. Private schools, expensive vacations, cars, clothes… You name it.”
She runs a hand over my forearm. “That stuff isn’t everything.”
“I know. I’ve always been confident about providing for you, but I wasn’t always confident I could give you the personal and emotional support that creates a real relationship.”I wasn’t sure if you would be okay knowing that side of my life. But most importantly, my long-ingrained belief to keep my professional life secret from everyone kept me from opening up. My work is very fucking dangerous, but also necessary to make the world a safer place. And the fewer people who know about it, the better it is for everyone. “So even when I made promises, I stayed away because I chickened out.”
“But why? What could’ve been so bad? The worst thing that could’ve happened is that we’d break up. But then you leaving me behind and breaking promises led to the wrecking of our relationship anyway. We never had a chance.” Her tone isn’t accusatory, just clouded with confusion.
