Color me skeptical. This guy is maybe his left foot.
“I’m glad we were able to meet in person.” He gives me a once-over like he’s assessing merchandise at a yard sale. “You’ll look pretty enough with a bit more makeup.”
Is he serious?At least I posted a regular selfie pic, not something that had twenty filters on it! “Thanks. So will you,” I say with a fake smile, then gesture at our server for some warm sake. I can’t do this without alcohol.
“The magic of make-up, darling.” He sighs with satisfaction. “It can make anybody beautiful.”
“Whoever did yours must’ve been amazing.”
The sarcasm flies right over his head. “She does make-up for Ryder Reed,” he says.
Ryder Reed.When the actor announced his marriage, my client at the time wept because she was convinced he would’ve married her if she could’ve engineered a meet-cute grandiose enough for her rep. She didn’t seem to understand that it’s meet-cute, not meet-crazy.
“His looks aren’t from the makeup,” I point out coolly.
Ryder is a very good friend of Ivy’s husband Tony Blackwood, and I’ve met the man in person. Doesn’t matter what he’s wearing or how sweaty he’s become. Still ridiculously hot. Joey, on the other hand…? Not exactly.
“Meh. He still has a whole team dedicated to that, unlike me. I don’t need to bother.” Joey waves a hand dismissively, and I raise an eyebrow. Does he honestly think he’s better looking thanRyder Reed? “My accomplishments alone…” Joey spreads his hands again with a meaningful look.
Except…I don’t know what his accomplishments are, other than that he works for a movie producer. He doesn’t elaborate. He probably doesn’t have anything else.
The dating app must be cursed. Lorcan frickin’ Duncan. A few go-nowhere dates. And nowthis.
The server places a small bottle of hot sake in front of me, thank God, and I start drinking. The food follows, coming out on delightful little plates and bowls, tiny portions of fresh fish, tofu, meat and seasonal items broiled or simmered in various sauces. I lift my head and look at Joey, then back at the food. I don’t have much appetite. As a matter of fact, I’m beginning to have a headache. But given the amount of care the chef put into creating this meal, I should try to enjoy it and endure this moment. I have to eat dinner anyway.
I’ve just taken a small bite of the horse mackerel when Joey says, “I’d love for you to have a grandbaby for Ted.”
“What?” This is maybe the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve been around someveryweird people. “Are you Ted’s son?”
“No.” He frowns in confusion. “What does that have to do with him wanting a grandchild?”
“You said you wanted children in your profile…?”
“Oh.” He laughs, then pops a small chunk of chilled tofu topped with spring onions into his mouth. “I put that so I could find a woman who’s open to the idea.”
My chopsticks go still in the air. “I’m not sleeping with you.”
“Not now, obviously—”
“Not ever.”
“—since we’re trying to get Ted an accessible grandchild first,” Joey continues, completely oblivious to my rejection. He’s probably one of those guys who only hears what he wants.
“Anaccessiblegrandchild?”
“Well, yeah. There’s no point in having a grandchild he can’t take to parties. Grandchildren are meant to be displayed, not hidden.” He takes a healthy bite of beef simmered in savory sauce.
“I’m pretty sure taking a young child to a Hollywood party wouldn’t be considered good parenting.” I put my chopsticks down and pour more sake into my thimble-sized cup.
“He wouldn’tbethe parent. He’d be thegrandparent. A jovial man of great accomplishments. Someone everyone loves. All you have to do is produce a beautiful baby that coos like a dove and sings like an angel.”
Maybe I snorted something without meaning to—Noah might’ve left it; after all, he’s the kind of bastard who defaces vision boards—and now I’m hallucinating. “I think I’d need a loving husband first.”
“Ted will make sure you’re taken care of. And your kid.”
Joey’s making no sense. Maybe he’s the one who snorted something. “I thought he wanted a grandchild?” I lift the sake cup to my mouth.
“Yes. You’re going to sleep with one of his sons.”
