–Me: Sounds like a great romance novel hero, Seb. Just so you all know, my penis is fine, thank you very much. And no animals will ever be in my bedroom.
–Huxley: So you aren’t dead.
–Me: Not even close.
–Griffin: If you’re spending $5 million to have dinner with her, how much are you spending on the ring?
The idea of putting a ring on Molly’s finger so everyone knows she’s mine sends a pulse of warmth through me.
–Sebastian: Unless he asked Lucie, he hasn’t made that decision.
–Me: I haven’t ordered anything yet. Can’t decide. Nothing looks good enough.
–Sebastian: Just give me $10 million, and I’ll give you something perfect.
–Me: Ha! Are you not meeting your revenue goals for the quarter?
A text pops up. Mom.
–Mom: Paul just told me you won a girl for five million dollars! Good for you! So is this how we pay the surrogate?
–Me: You aren’t paying anything. And she’s not a surrogate.
–Mom: I suppose doing it publicly might be crass. What will the baby think? Assuming anybody tells the baby.
Ugh.I can feel a headache coming on.
She sends a picture of Griffin’s triplets.
–Mom: See how efficient this is? Three at once! I feel like we’re entitled to at least that many for $5M.
She’s lost of her mind. Forget Europe. She should tour insane asylums so she can pick one she likes and stay there forever. Ideally, the facility won’t have Wi-Fi or cell reception.
–Mom: If you want, I can wire you half the sum.
–Me: I don’t want your money. And forget about triplets.
Triplets with Molly would be amazing, but I’m not planning our future based on what’s going to make my mother happy. What matters is Molly’s happiness.
–Mom: By the way, is the girl pretty? Smart?
I ignore her text.
Another group text arrives.
–Emmett: So are we going to meet this woman before you propose?
–Me: Lemme think about it. Mom’s texting me about babies. Ideally, triplets.
–Griffin: Roughly one in ten thousand pregnancies result in triplets, so she should just give up. Also, sorry about the triplets thing. I can’t control what my mother does with the baby photos.
Griffin’s genuinely apologetic about the situation with our mothers. He knows his is egging mine on.
–Mom: Anyway, Georgia should be in Los Angeles by now to meet with your girl and work out the details. I’d do it myself, but Paul and I have decided to spend more time in Venice. It’s such a lovely city.
Thank you, Paul. My mom’s current husband knows how to rein her in so I don’t end up committing matricide.
So Georgia’s back in town.I don’t want her offering to share her home with Molly. Although I’ve made it clear we’re dating for real, she might still be hung up on having a place of her own. Georgia’s apartment is tiny—she refused a trust fund I offered to set up for her because she said she wants to earn her own money, although she didn’t refuse my paying her college tuition. But Molly might not consider the size of Georgia’s apartment an issue.
