“That’s a boy’s name,” Sebastian says with a frown.
“Uh-huh. And apparently he was just, like,despondentthat I was born a girl. And never tried to hide it.” I smile to cover my sadness. The emotional wound he inflicted stayed even after his death.
“What a jerk,” Sebastian mutters. “Your parents didn’t find out if you were a boy or a girl beforehand?”
“They did, but he kept hoping the doctors had made a mistake.” I pull my lips in briefly, then shrug. It’s one of an endless string of awkward stories of my life. “They wanted me to be certain things. It bothered them—and continues to bother them—that I’m not.”
“Like what? A boy?”
I nod. “I would’ve been a perfect Peery, the ideal heir to my grandfather.” I’m slightly uncomfortable that I’m revealing so much. As a rule, I don’t talk about my grandfather or parents with others. The only person who knows everything is Bianca, who grew up with me—and probably Matthias, who also watched me grow up. But in the face of Sebastian’s tender sympathy, my filter’s not working, and the words have poured out.
“That’s ridiculous,” he says with disgust. “You’re fine the way you are.”
“But am I? A lot of my friendships failed too. Sometimes I wonder if Bianca is disappointed with me for not being better.” Okay, I need to shut up. I’m not sure exactly why I shared that detail about her because… Well, it’s something that has fleeted through my mind from time to time, but I never wanted to voice it in case it was true. There are many times I feel like I could’ve been a better friend to her, who’s done so much to defend me against my family.
“Who’s Bianca?”
“My best friend and assistant.” I’m glad he isn’t asking about the specifics of her possible disappointment with me. “You’ll meet her at the party next Saturday.”
“If she’s a real friend, she won’t expect you to change for her. Like I said, you’re fine the way you are.” His voice is gentle, but firm.
“You sure?” I know I’m fishing for reassurance. He’s been so nice to me for no particular reason, and maybe I need him to tell me I’m not too bad.
“You work hard. You’re disciplined. You’re fun to hang out with.”
I laugh, flattered but also a little sad because I feel like they’re empty words.
“I’m serious,” he says. “You show up. You spent years learning to master the skills on the court, which lazy and undisciplined people can’t. I know becauseI’vedone it. You have a mischievous sense of humor. You don’t back down from a challenge, and you understand me without my having to spell everything out.” He stops abruptly.
“What?”
He blinks, then looks at me like he almost doesn’t recognize me. “Nothing.”
“Nothing? Pretty sure there was something.”
“It’s just…none of the articles about you mentioned any of that.”
“Oh.” I clear my throat, then take a sip of my margarita. “The tabloids don’t like me very much.”
He shakes his head. “They’re idiots.”
Others who know about my situation with the paparazzi have almost always said, “What have you done to get them to hate you?” like it was my fault. Sebastian instantly blaming the media for the unjust treatment I’ve suffered loosens a knot that’s been lodged in my chest for a long time. And, for once, I can breathe easy.
He reaches out and pats my hand. The motion feels like a knock on the gate to my heart. And I can feel it crack open, allowing him to slip inside a little.
That night, when he shows up at my door with a pillow and a tray of magnolia tea to “help me sleep,” I laugh and let him in. When he wraps around me in bed like a shield, I clasp him in return, and we do things other than sleep for hours.
On Sunday we have a leisurely brunch and watchJohn Wick—Sebastian’s choice—andTrue Lies—mine—in the home theater, sharing a huge tub of caramel popcorn. Our fingers keep brushing as we reach for the snack, and we miss the climax where Arnold Schwarzenegger shoots all the bad guys with his Harrier.
Our time is scarily normal, almost as if there were no contract. Something is shifting between us. And I want to see what happens from here—how far it can go.
Chapter 22
Lucienne
I’m shocked to see Bianca in the office on Tuesday. She said she’d try to get back soon, but I didn’t want her to rush. I was actually thinking about texting her to take more time, but it slipped my mind yesterday because I was swamped.
She stands up when she sees me.
