“Never say never, Valkyrie.”
Chapter 46
Lucienne
Does he really love me?
The question continues to swirl in my head. I sometimes find myself staring at nothing for hours, pondering it. Good thing I’m not working. I can only imagine how embarrassing it would be to get caught wondering if my soon-to-be-ex-husband was in love with me.
He’s sent another bouquet. White asters. I look up the meaning in the Korean flower language reference book.
Have faith in me.
He should’ve sent flowers that meant “take a leap of faith.” The emotional wave that rises every time I think of him saying “I love you” in that gorgeous green field isn’t composed entirely of anticipation and joy. There’s fear, too. Lots of it—that I could be believing him too easily. That I’m ignoring all the evidence of how simple it is for men to make empty promises. That I’d better heed all the warnings or I’m going to end up like Mom, who tried so, so hard to pretend everything was fine in her world, even as people, including her own child, pitied her for being blind.
But if he does mean it…
My heart knocks so hard, I put a hand over my chest. If he means it, I could have what I saw inAbsolute Love.
He has only one date left to make his case. What’s he going to do?
Am I going to be convinced?
But he still hasn’t said he’s going to contest the divorce. Jeremiah told me he was cooperating.
This is too confusing.And it doesn’t help that he says he just wants me.
As if I, alone, am enough.
I stare at myself in the mirror in my bedroom, note the cool, guarded blue eyes, the stubborn set of my chin. What am I if I don’t have anything to give back? What do I mean to people who don’t want something…external?
Sebastian saysI’menough. By myself. And it’s scary. What if I don’t measure up? What if I’mnotenough?
I look in the mirror again. Drop the shield I’ve been holding up for so long. See the uncertain blue eyes. And the bravado I’m putting up so nobody can ever see that I don’t feel worthy the way I am.
If I could just be a better friend…
If I could just be the kind of heir my grandfather wanted…
If I could just be the kind of girlfriend men like…
I look at the asters again.Have faith in me.
I have to have faith in myself before I can have faith in Sebastian. And it’s scary as hell. I grip the edge of the vanity, face the terror clawing at my gut.
“I am worthy.”
I wait a beat, and my head whispers,As long as you can—
“No,” I say. “Just the way I am.”
But are you, though?It’s a voice that sounds like Bianca, Grandfather and Roderick rolled into one.
Chills run through me. My knuckles turn white as I tighten my hold on the vanity. No way in hell am I letting those jerks mess with my head now. “Yes. Iamworthy. Just the way I am.”
You sure…?the voice questions again.
“Yes. I’m so damn fucking sure.” It’s unnerving to say it out loud. “I’m worthy of everything. I’m worthy of love. I amenough. And I’m going to say that out loud every time you try to mess with me.”
