The conversation Sebastian and I had at Manny’s Tacos flashes through my mind. Neither of us wants a pregnancy.
At some point, I’d love to have children. But right now, a baby would only complicate things. I’d rather not bring a child into the world when I’m not ready. “Thanks.”
I swallow the pill, then look down at the floor for a second to gather my thoughts.
He takes the empty glass back. “About last night…”
“I was pretty melodramatic and not myself.” The frustration of the delays with the Hae Min Group and the drama with Gabriella have completely derailed me. “It won’t happen again.” I smile like everything’s fine.
He looks at me like he has a lot to say, but I don’t think I can listen to him right now.
“I want to go run now. You’re welcome to work out with me if you like.”
I put AirPods into my ears, turn the music on as loud as I can tolerate it and head to the gym. He follows, but he doesn’t try to talk. He just gazes at me thoughtfully, which is almost as bad as our talking about what happened, because it keeps poking at my raw emotions. And I have no idea what he’s thinking.
We go to work, and Bianca informs me Chul-Su hasn’t responded yet. Later that afternoon, Sebastian sends me stunning scarlet dahlias.
“They’re gorgeous,” Bianca says dreamily, staring at the flowers on my desk. “He sure knows how to treat you right.”
I smile wordlessly. She didn’t grow up like me. To her, gifts are just gifts, not ulterior motives or pretty blankets to lay over lies.
She tilts her head. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have that look. Come on. You can tell your bestie.”
“It’s nothing.”
She shoots me a you’re-full-of-shit look.
“Fine. Take a seat.”
She promptly complies, and I sigh and tell her what happened yesterday, skipping the explicit details. I can’t decide if I’m making any sense. To be honest, I’m not sure if I can put logic to my emotions. They’re so contradictory and volatile.
“You have feelings for him,” she says when I’m done.
“Of course I do. He’s my husband.”
“No, I meanrealfeelings. At the very least, you like him, and you want him to like you back. You’re frustrated because you don’t think that’s going to happen.”
I let out a laugh. “I’ve never… That’s ridiculous.”
“Don’t kid yourself. You wouldn’t have reacted like that if you didn’t have any expectations.”
“But you know why I married him—the circumstances of our marriage.”
“So? He was your first choice all along.” She raises a hand. “We aren’t going to talk about Darren because that piece of shit was your grandfather’s pick, not yours. And Preston was pushed on you by the Comtois family. The fact that you hand-picked Sebastian tells me you felt something for him from the beginning. On top of that, he acted in ways that would mess with anybody’s mind.” She leans closer. “He’s kind to you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
“Okay, so…?”
She rolls her eyes. “He looks at you like you’re the center of his universe.”
Something warm and happy shivers through me, but I shake it off. I don’t want to hope only to be let down again. “He’s acting.”
“He’s a hell of an actor, then, because I bought the whole thing, even though I know exactly what’s going on.” She stands and pats my shoulder. “The man’s gorgeous and treats you well. You could domuchworse. Don’t be so hard on him.”
“Hey! You’re supposed to bemyfriend.”
