–Me: If you don’t answer, I’m going to withdraw my transfer applications. And then I’ll tell Jeremiah I couldn’t get in.
Within a second, Mom calls.
“What do you mean, withdraw your applications?” she demands. “I only let you use the place because you promised to transfer!”
I move farther from Aspen and lower my voice. I don’t want her to know how galactically weird my parents are. “Why did you remove all the mattresses?”
“I got that tip from Nikki.” Nicholas’s mom. “She told me it’s the best way to ensure you don’t host a three-day-long orgy.”
“I don’t do orgies. I’m not Dad.”
“Then why are you upset? Did you bring a herd of college kids?” Her voice starts to rise. “I told you no big parties! No—”
“One,” I say. “I broughtoneperson with me!”
“Then what’s the problem? The guest bedroom has a California king.”
“I don’t want her to feel like she has to sleep with me.” I want Aspen to do it because she wants me, not because she wants to thank me. There’s a big difference. I don’t want our first time to be transactional. Aspen deserves the best.
“Why did you bring her if she doesn’t sleep with you?” Mom sounds lost. “Don’t tell me you’ve made a platonic friend. Such things don’t exist between men and women. Either you want to do her but got friend-zoned or you’re just waiting for an opportunity.”
“I’mnothaving this discussion with you.”
“Well, you should. You might learn something.” She huffs. “I know better than you. Much more experience.”
Ugh! I don’t want to think about how much she knows or how much experience she has. “Because it’sweird,okay? Anyway, we haven’t… We aren’t…” I fumble for words, then bite back a frustrated curse. Why the hell am I trying to explain my sex life to my mother?
“Dear God, Grant. I haven’t raised you to be a fool. And I didn’t let you use my home so you could reinforce a friend-zoning. I totally wasted that purse, then. I had Carmen put it on the bedroom bench in the guest room, so the sight of it would make the girl ovulate on the spot. Of course, I expect you to be smart and use a non-defective condom.”
“Mother.” There’s plenty of warning in the word.
“Just say, ‘Thank you for thinking of everything even though I can’t rise to the occasion.’ If she’s being difficult, get her a room at a hotel. You don’t want some ungrateful bitch whining the entire time. And if you need help, just tell me. I know plenty of girls who’d be happy to fuck you for a bag far cheaper than what I left, and in a home far inferior to mine. Now, I have to go. Unlike you, I’m about to get laid.”
Before I can make a gagging noise, she hangs up. Mom is certifiable. Why couldn’t her high IQ come with a normal personality? Thank God Aspen’s sitting in the reading nook by the window in the guest bedroom, looking at the ocean. I’d have to jump off the second-floor railing if she heard anything coming out of Mom’s mouth.
Even my phone feels filthy now. I wipe it on my pants and shove it back into my pocket before going to Aspen and giving her a heavily edited version of the conversation I just had. “I’m really sorry, but my mother was worried I might host a huge party here, so she, uh, kind of removed all the beds. Except for one.”
She nods slowly as she processes the news. “And left only two armchairs.”
Fuck. I realize I made myself sound like an irresponsible asshole. “Basically. She’s a little paranoid about some things. Like couch surfing.” Either Mom thought of everything, or Nikki told her.And I used to like Nikki.
“I see,” Aspen says slowly.
“You can take the bed.” Never let it be said I’m not a gentleman.
“And where are you going to sleep? Your mom’s bed? The door’s locked.”
“I can probably pull the armchairs together and sort of make a bed. I used to do it as a kid.”
“I don’t know how old you were, but they won’t be big enough for you now.” She shifts a little. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in your own mother’s home.”
“No, no, no. You’re the guest, and I don’t wantyouto feel awkward.”
She clears her throat. “I guess the bed is, you know…pretty big.”
My mouth dries. The realization that we’re actually going to be in the same bed rolls through my mind like Viagra laced with steroids. I alter my posture to hide the effect on my dick. “Yeah, um. A California king.”
“We can probably share it without touching each other. You on one side and me on the other.”
