Ugh. So, no progress.
–Me: Come on, hurry up. I’m working on the transfer apps to make you happy.
I don’t tell her I’ve already submitted them. I need something to hold over her or she’ll never bother.
–Mom: They’re for your own good.
–Me: Nice try. Basically, they’re busywork.
–Mom: I haven’t been able to find anything decent that’s close enough to your campus. There are a couple near the polo club, but…
–Me: That’s too far out.
–Mom: Exactly.
–Me: Do you know how much time it’s taking me to do these transfer apps?
There’s no immediate answer, but I can just imagine her huffing.
–Me: Quid pro quo. Give and take. You told me how important it is to give something back.
–Mom: How about I let you use my Malibu mansion for your spring break? But only if you promise to leave it in the exact condition you found it in when you walked in. I’ll require pictures.
Wow. Either she feels terrible about not having a place for me in Napa or she really wants me to wrap up my applications. Possibly both. She never, ever lets me bring friends over to the Malibu place.
–Mom: No more than 3 guests. Actually, 2. And you’ll pay for the extra housekeeping.
I almost laugh. Should’ve known.
But the place is gorgeous, and now that things are progressing with Aspen… I haven’t asked her what she’s up to for the break, but I doubt she has plans other than working. She seems to work way too much.Twojobs, good God. And those are the ones I know of. There could be a third.
I should see if she can take a day or two off. It isn’t like the college café will need a lot of workers with most of the students gone. And they probably won’t give her that many hours during the break anyway.
–Mom: Also, you can have a bag I left there. A burgundy Hermes from this event I went to in Paris, but you know I don’t do croc leather.
True. Crocodile skin creeps her out because she had an unpleasant encounter with a crocodile during a fashion photoshoot in Paris once.
–Mom: It’s supposed to be some special edition, but that still doesn’t mean I’m carrying anything crocodile. So unbecoming. Anyway, give it to some girl you’re banging. I’m sure she’ll be extra bangy for you.
I choke on my ice cream, then start coughing. The pistachio ice cream shoots into my nostrils, which makes me sneeze.
Ugh. Great. Now I have disgusting green goo on my shirt.
–Me: OMG. Please, Mom.
–Mom: What? Aren’t the girls today grateful when they get a $70k bag?
I’m too busy wheezing, and I guess my response didn’t come quickly enough to suit her.
–Mom: So entitled!
–Me: It’s not about that.
I can’t think of how to put it.
–Me: Never mind.
She’s not going to get it, and I’m not going to try to explain.
