“So you’d still be in football,” he said quietly. “Just from the medical side.”
“Yeah. That’s the plan.”
“And grad school for that?”
“If I get in. Applied to a few programs. Won’t hear back until spring.”
He nodded, looking down at his food. “Where?”
“Couple of different places. Some in the Southeast. One in North Carolina.”
His head came up at that. “North Carolina?”
“Wilmington area. There’s a good sports medicine program there, and…” I stopped myself before I could say the rest. Before I could admit that I’d looked at Wilmington because I knew Tanner was thinking about grad schools near Hunter, who’d been drafted by the Breakers last year. Because some stupid part of me had imagined a future where our paths aligned.
God, if Hunter knew how hung up I was on Tanner, he’d laugh his ass off.
“And it’s a good program,” I finished.
Tanner stared at me for a long moment. The air between us felt heavy, charged with everything we weren’t saying.
“I should probably head home,” I said, pushing off the workbench. “You going to hang here and keep working?”
He started packing up his laptop without a word. Interesting.
We walked back to the apartment in silence. The campus was beautiful this time of evening—autumn had started painting the trees, and the air had that crisp quality that meant winter wasn’t far off. Under different circumstances, this would have been perfect. A quiet walk with someone I cared about. Easy.
But nothing about this was easy.
Our hands swung close as we walked, and I had to actively think about keeping space between us. Had to remind myself that closeness led to complications I couldn’t handle. Marcus’s words kept echoing in my head, “People notice shit.”
By the time we reached our building, the tension had wound so tight in my gut I felt sick with it.
At our apartment door, I fumbled with the key. Tanner stood close behind me, and I could feel the heat of him against my back. Could hear the way his breathing had gone shallow.
I got the door open and stepped inside fast, putting distance between us before I could do something stupid.
Tanner followed, pulling the door shut behind him. We stood there in the small entryway, bags still in our hands, neither of us moving.
“Seth.”
Just my name. The way he said it made my hands curl into fists.
I couldn’t look at him. If I looked at him, I’d see whatever was written on his face, and I’d break. “I need to go study. Got an exam Monday morning.”
“Seth, wait?—”
“I’ll see you later, okay?” I walked past him toward my room, keeping my eyes forward.
I heard him take a breath like he was going to say something else, but I closed my bedroom door before he could.
I stood there in the dark, listening to him move around the apartment. Heard him put the leftovers in the fridge. Heard the shower start running down the hall.
I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling, listing all the reasons this couldn’t work. Tanner needed someone who wasn’t part of the world that had destroyed his father. I needed someone who could handle my life as it was right now, not just the version I hoped to have someday. We lived in different worlds, and trying to force them together would only end with both of us hurt.
5
TANNER
