“Morning,” I said, my voice coming out rougher than intended.
He glanced up. Something flickered across his face before he hid it. “Morning. Coffee’s almost ready.”
I moved into the kitchen, keeping a careful distance between us. The apartment suddenly felt smaller than it had yesterday.Every inch of space between us felt charged with what had happened last night.
“About yesterday—” Tanner started, his voice careful. “I’m sorry. For breaking down like that. You shouldn’t have had to?—”
“Don’t.” I reached for a mug from the cabinet, keeping my back to him. “I don’t ever want you feeling like you’re a burden or whatever. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”
“I shouldn’t have put that on you.”
The guilt twisted harder in my chest, sharp enough to make me grip the counter. He thought he’d done something wrong when the truth was, I’d been the one lying there memorizing the feel of him. The one who had counted his breaths and pressed closer instead of pulling away. The one who’d wanted so badly to kiss the back of his neck that I’d had to physically force myself out of his orbit this morning.
And now I was standing here lying to both of us—pretending last night was about comfort when really it had been at least partially about want. Pretending I could keep doing this. Pretending there was any version of this story where I got to have him without destroying everything else.
My skin crawled the more I dwelled on the ways I’d been the one to take advantage of Tanner. I should apologize, but damn if I could bring myself to say the words.
One fucked-up issue at a time.
“You didn’t put anything on me,” I said. “It’s fine.”
“Right.” His voice went flat. “Fine.”
The coffee maker beeped. Tanner poured two mugs in silence, added cream to his. When he handed me mine, our fingers brushed, and I felt the contact all the way down my spine.
I pulled my hand back too fast. Coffee sloshed over the rim, burning my knuckles.
“Shit.” I set the mug down hard on the counter.
Tanner grabbed a towel without a word and handed it to me. Our eyes met for half a second before we both looked away.
The silence stretched between us, heavy with everything from last night. The way we’d fit together on that couch. The way I’d counted his breaths like they mattered more than my own. The way I’d wanted—still wanted—things I had no right to want.
“Seth.” His voice was quiet. Careful. “About last night?—”
“I’m sorry.” I wiped my hand with the towel, focusing on the simple task because looking at him right now would undo me completely. “I should have woken you up. Shouldn’t have— I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
The guilt twisted sharper in my chest. He’d been vulnerable, grieving, and I’d held on to him like I had any right to.
“What?” Tanner’s voice went tight with something I couldn’t read. “Seth, no?—”
“You were hurting,” I continued, still not looking at him. “And I just… I’m sorry. I know now that it’s morning, you’re probably?—”
“Stop.” His hand closed around my wrist, gentle but firm enough to make me meet his eyes. “You think I’m upset about last night?”
I couldn’t answer. Couldn’t do anything but stand there with his fingers wrapped around my wrist, feeling my pulse hammer against his touch.
“I’m not.” His voice dropped lower, careful. “It felt…nice. To be held like that.”
Something in my chest cracked open at the admission. The vulnerability in his voice, the way he couldn’t quite meet my eyes when he said it.
“You don’t have to—” I started.
“I’m not just saying it.” His grip tightened slightly. “I mean it. I haven’t—” He stopped, jaw working. “It’s been a long time since anyone just…held me. Without wanting something else. Without it being complicated.”
The irony of that statement would have been funny if it didn’t hurt so much. Because itwascomplicated. So fucking complicated I could barely breathe through it.
But looking at his face, at the honesty written there, the need he was trying so hard to hide, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. Couldn’t admit that every second I’d held him had been about wanting as much as comfort.
