KnowingKevinloved his garden,Iassumed he’d accept store-bought produce when it was too cold to grow anything.Andit had been a week of not-so-healthy foods that left me feeling like utter garbage, soIprobably needed something a bit healthier too. “Yeah, that would be great.I’lleat just about anything you want to put in it, so go nuts.”
Nutswasn’t me.Iwas a simple man who liked simple salads.ButmaybeI’dtry stepping out of my comfort zone so it seemed likeIput in some effort. “Soundslike a plan.I’mgoing to get cleaned up and relax a bit beforeIrun to the store.Ifyou think of anything else you need, let me know.”
“I’mgood,” he responded.Thecorner of his mouth tipped up in a shy smirk. “I’llsee you in a few hours.”
Beforehe left,Kevinkneeled, allowingBartto slather his entire face with kisses.Istepped back, allowing the two of them their moment.Itwas clearKevinhad been serious when he said he wished he could have an animal of his own and that he was going to adoptBartuntil that day came.AndBart, the little traitor, seemed smitten with the neighbor as well.Hegracefully stood without any hesitation or groaning whenBartran to the back corner of the yard.Ahh, the joys of being young.Heglanced over and smiled as he waved on his way toward the garage.
Istared after him for a long minute, wondering what in the world was going on.
4
KEVIN
Okay,so maybeI’dlied.Therewas no shepherd’s pie in the fridge that needed to be heated up, butIknew ifIoffered to cook dinner,Ansonwould have refused outright.Gettinghim to open up and accept my friendship was like pulling teeth.Thenagain, he’d never been the friendly sort.Notthat he was a jerk or anything, but he mostly kept to himself.Thefew timesI’dgone to their family’s house with his younger brother,Danny, he was always studying.Dannylet me know hehatedbeing interrupted the first timeIasked him what he was working on.He’dbeen intriguing to me, this older, gorgeous man still dedicated to his homework.Knowingall of this gave me an advantage.Iwouldn’t give up on being friends unless he specifically told me to back off.
Wasthere such a thing as a safeword for friendship?
Nextto the backyard filled with gardens and private nooks whereIcould enjoy being outside looking at everythingI’dbuilt, the kitchen was my favorite part of the house.Wherea lot of people coveted spacious kitchens with plenty of room for entertaining, mine was the perfect setup for cooking, except for the fridge being a bit out of the way.Iran down to the basement to grab a package of ground meat out of the chest freezer and placed it in a bowl of cold water to defrost.AsIworked,Ithought about how different this weekend was from all the previous ones.
Iwasn’t going to delude myself into thinking this was the start of some grand romance, but having someone to hang out with who wasn’t in a committed relationship that reminded me of whatIdidn’t have in my own life was a good start.Dannywas a great guy, but he and his husband,Blake, had some funky relationship dynamicsIwasn’t sureIwanted to understand.Whateverthey were into was fine, butIalways got the impression they were happiest when it was just the two of them.Ina different life,Imight even like having someone look at me the wayDannylooked atBlakewhen he thoughtIwasn’t watching.
Jasperwas much the same.I’dbeen blown away whenImoved back to town and found out he’d hooked the hottest teacher atHarmonyGroveHigh.Orformer teacher because we’d graduated years earlier, andMr.Sanders—Waylon—had moved away for a while as well.Butnow, he was back, and the two were sickeningly sweet together.
Thelist went on and on, but the reality was the guysI’dknown and hung out with whenIwas younger had all grown up.Theyhad family lives to deal with whileIwas sitting alone in my house, trying to get the cute guy next door to even notice me.
Okay, so more than friends would be cool, but that would requireAnsonbeing gay.Orbi.Oranything other than straight, and that man was as straight as an arrow in every sense.
Myphone rang the secondIscooped up a pile of carrots and celery to put them into a bowl untilIwas ready for them.Idumped the veggies and reached into my pocket.WhenIsaw the name on the screen,Iknew whatIwould be doing for the next thirty minutes.Moreif it was a bad day.Witha sigh,Iclicked the green button to connect the call. “Hi,Mom.Howare you today?”
“Oh, so you are still alive?”Momhad a flair for the dramatic.Eventhough she insisted she didn’t regret leaving my father, she’d never fully recovered from the loss.Hewas an evil, hypocritical man who sat front and center everySundayat church only to come home and belittle anyone he felt hadn’t given the pastor their full attention.Iwas pretty sureIcould have sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the pulpit, andIstill wouldn’t have been enough for that man.ThemomentIrealizedIwas gay,Iknew there was no wayI’dever win his approval, much less his love and tolerance.Thingsquickly turned ugly after that, but toMom, he was the love of her life, the man who’d rescued her from a bad situation. “Iwas calling to see if you’d like to come for dinner tonight.It’sbeen a while since you visited, andIhave a light bulb out in the downstairs bathroom.”
“Ican run over to replace the bulb for you, butIactually have dinner plans,”Itold her.Itwasn’t oftenIturned down a chance to cook with my mom, but in this case,Iwasn’t about to cancel onAnson. “Whatare your plans for tomorrow night?”
Ialways asked, as ifIdidn’t know she’d be sitting at home watching theGameshowNetworkuntil she started dozing in her recliner.She’dthen make her way upstairs to her bedroom.Nomatter how many timesIencouraged her to spend an afternoon or two at the senior center, she just sat in that big house alone day in and day out.Itwas sad to see her turning into a hollowed-out shell of the woman who’d so fiercely stood up to my dad and promised me we’d make a life whereIdidn’t have to fear saying the wrong thing or looking at someone the wrong way.
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about the light today if you’re going to come by tomorrow.”Ifshe was calling me about the light, it had probably already been out for days, meaning she had to trudge up and down the stairs every time she needed to relieve herself. “Idon’t want to put you out when you’re supposed to be relaxing.”
Ipinched the bridge of my nose and rolled my eyes.Thiswas so typical of her.She’dmention something she needed done and then tell me it wasn’t a big deal ifIcouldn’t get there.Lifewould be much simpler if she would just believe me whenItold her it wasn’t a problem to drive the five blocks to her place when she needed something done.Because, heaven forbid, she call the property management company.Thewoman was terrified of being seen as a burden on anyone, even those she paid to maintain the property she’d rented for over twenty years.
Istashed the ingredients for dinner in the fridge before swiping my keys off the kitchen island. “I’llbe there in ten,Mom.Ifyou want to repay me, you could make a sandwich.”
“Youreally need to take better care of yourself,Kevin.Howdo you keep the townspeople safe if you’re starving?”Iwas hardly starving, but she’d never believe that.Despitethe factIworked out at the local gym three days a week and had packed on about fifteen pounds of muscle since moving back to town, she was convincedIwas on the brink of starvation. “I’llpull out some of the leftover roast from earlier this week.”
“Mom, stop.Idon’t want you feeding me your dinners,”Iscolded her.Ifleft to her own devices, she’d live off canned soup whenIwasn’t there to cook with her.Thathad always been our thing, and she said it didn’t make sense to cook for one.I’dtried explaining that she could cook twice a week and eat leftovers, but she waved off that suggestion too.Tokeep her from even more health issues way younger than she should be struggling,I’dstarted dropping off food everyMondayandThursday.Noway wasItaking that from her. “Iknow you have some ham or turkey in the fridge.That, along with some chips, will be fine.I’mheaded out now.I’llsee you in a few.”
* * *
Iknew betterthan to think it would be a quick trip over to change out a light bulb soIcould get back home to cook dinner forAnson.Assoon asI’dwalked through the door,Momstarted going on about some new development the city was planning on the north side of town.Thenshe had to fill me in on all the gossip she had no place knowing since she was a complete homebody.Itwas nearly three-thirty when she finally drifted off to sleep in her chair.Herrecent fatigue concerned me, but she swore it was just a consequence of getting older.
Insteadof heading straight home,Iran to the grocery store.IfIwas cooking tonight,Imight as well make some extra, maybe give her some variety for a change.Ishouldn’t have been surprised whenIspottedAnsonstanding in the produce section. “Hey, you could have called me.Idid offer, after all.”
“Yeah, well, that would require having your phone number,”Iresponded playfully.Itwasn’t a ploy to get his number, but my heart still did a somersault as he rattled off the numbers. “Youdo realizeIwas joking, right?”
“Nota joke if it’s the truth.Sowhat are you doing here?”Hestepped back whenIleaned around him to grab another bag of carrots and a bunch of celery.
Mythroat went dry, andIcouldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze asIadmitted the truth. “Asit turned out,Ididn’t have dinner in the fridge.AndwhileIwould have had enough to make something for the two of us,IfiguredI’dmake extra to take some over to my mom.”
“How’sshe doing, by the way?”Ansonpushed his cart out of the way soIcould grab a few more ingredients.
