“Yourmom woke you up too?”Ireminded myself this wasn’t going to be an all-the-time thing.Theywere just excited now that we’d acknowledged we were together.Iwasn’t sure if he’d said the words toApril, butI’dnoticed her eyeing us all night last night, smiling knowingly.
Hereached over me for his mug. “Yeah.Shewanted to know how things went last night after she left.”
“Whatdid you tell her?”Ireally hoped he’d left out the part about me temporarily losing my mind.Ithadn’t been my finest moment.
“Oh, you know…”Therewas a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Justhow my boyfriend told his brothers about the wild sex we’ve been having.”
Ismacked his chest, and he doubled over in laughter. “You’resuch a dick.Seriously, what did you say?”
“Itold her that your brothers asked about what was going on with us, and you didn’t hesitate to tell them we were together.”Heworried his bottom lip between his teeth, his gaze shifting to somewhere across the room.Mystomach flipped, wondering what was going through his head to cause that reaction. “She’sworried about me.WheneverIstart seeing someone, she can’t help but think about howI’llhandle it if things don’t work out.”
Ikissed the top of his head. “That’sbecause she doesn’t want to see you hurting.Thegood news isIhave no plans of doing anything that’ll cause you pain.IknowIdidn’t do a good job showing that at first, but that was becauseIdidn’t want to upset you.Ineeded to sort out my feelings soIcould either let you down or ask you for another chance.Isthat what you were talking toBartabout?”
Kevinnodded against my shoulder.I’dnever thought of myself as tactile, butKevinwas always so cuddly, andIfoundIreally liked how he wanted to touch me as often as possible. “Whatabout you?Whatwere you talking to him about?”
Ilet out a huff of laughter, realizing both of us had been using the dog as our therapist. “Iasked him if he thinks things are moving too fast.Hesaid no, butIthink that’s because you’ve been bribing him to like your house more than his own.”
“Aguy’s gotta do whatever it takes to get what he wants,” he responded playfully. “Ifthat means working my way into your dog’s heart to get to yours, so be it.”
“Whatwould you have done ifIdidn’t have a dog?”
Hehummed and scratched his chin as if thinking hard about his answer. “Iguess thenI’dhave had to show you how wellIcan suck dick so you’d know what you’d been missing.Butsince that’s not a motivator for you, it’s a good thing it didn’t come to that.”
“Yeah.Goodthing.”Idraped my arm over the back of the couch, running the tips of my fingers over his shoulder.Asmuch asIdidn’t want to plant seeds of doubt in his mind,Ineeded his reassurance. “Butwill it always be enough for you?You’vemade a few comments that stick in the back of my mind, andIfeel like you’ll eventually get sick of me, especially sinceI’mnot foolish enough to think we’ll keep going at it the way we have been.”
Anotherweight lifted off my chest, having that out in the open.Sexwas still somethingIcould take or leave, but every time he brought up things that were outside what society considered normal,Igot into my head.AndIlikely hadn’t done myself any favors by turning to the internet for research rather than talking to him directly, but no matter how patient he’d been with me to this point,Ididn’t want him growing tired of having to play the teacher in the bedroom.
Kevinfolded his legs under his body as he turned to face me on the couch.Hegripped my chin tightly enough that it was uncomfortable, forcing me to look at him. “DoIhave sexual fantasies?Absolutely.Andthose aren’t going away simply because we’re together now.If, at some point, you decide you want to try them out in real life, we’ll find a way to make that happen.ButIdon’t want you to thinkI’munsatisfied with things continuing the way they have been.Sexwith you isn’t good because of what we’re doing.It’samazing because it’s with you.Andwho knows, maybe it’s even better than those fantasies because you being you means we’ve gotten to know one another before anything happened between us.IfIhave to choose between someone who will push me to my knees and skull-fuck me with his cock or a man who makes me feel like a prize every single day,I’lltake the latter.”
“Butyou could eventually have both,”Iargued.Thatwas somethingI’dread a lot about late at night whenKevinwas at work andIcouldn’t sleep because he wasn’t next to me.Thedynamic between the more dominant and submissive partners wasn’t only about what happened within a sexual encounter.Therewas an emotional connection where the submissive looked to the dominant partner to fulfill his needs.
“I.Don’t.Want.Anyone.But.You.”Kevinpoked my chest after every word.Hehad an impeccable aim, hitting the same spot every time, and there was a good chanceI’dbe tender there for a while. “I’mnot sure howIcan prove that to you, butIswearI’mgoing to find a way.”
Headjusted himself so he could lean his head against my shoulder.Notreally wanting to continue trying to convince him he’d get sick of me at some point,Iallowed the conversation to drop.Thesilence in the house was nice, but for the first time in years,Ifound myself wishing there was someChristmasmusic playing softly to go along with the tree in front of the window, the stockings, and the snow still falling outside.Irested my cheek against the top of his head.Iclosed my eyes and ran through some relaxation techniquesI’dlearned over the years.
Nothinggood would come from trying to foresee everything that could go wrong regardingKevinand me.Thiswas real life, not a court case or contract negotiation, andIneeded to remember that.
“Mymom wanted me to invite you and your mom to their house forChristmasif you don’t have any other plans.”Hisbreathing was slow and steady, soIwasn’t sure he was even awake.Ina way,Ihoped he wasn’t soIcould run through whatIwanted to say to him soIdidn’t make the invitation feel like something more serious than it was.
Combinedholidays were for committed couples, not people who’d been dating for a few weeks.
Butmaybe it was asKevinsaid, and the passage of time wasn’t as important as our feelings.
Mybrotherswouldassume it was a sign things were serious between us.
Werethey?IfIlistened toKevinand ignored the brevity of our time together,I’dbe inclined to say yes.
Carsonwould insist it was too soon to feel that way.
Butthen he’d be a hypocrite becauseMomtold me he was bringingEzra.Thecircumstances were different sinceEzrawas joining us because his family sucked.
“Areyou trying to find a way to take back the invitation?”Kevinplayed with the coarse hair on my chest, his fingers getting near my nipples but never close enough to be arousing. “Yourbrain gets really loud when you’re overthinking.Didyou know that?”
“Nope.Iusually only do that whenI’malone,”Iadmitted. “Youjust have a way of lowering my defenses.”
“I’mglad.”Hepushed up, pressing his lips to my cheek.Iloved how he never pushed for sloppy, open-mouth kisses and was able to read my moods. “AndI’llhave to check with my mom, butI’msure we’d love to come over for at least part of the day.”
“Yeah?”
