I stepped out of the truck, feeling the cold wind whip through my hair and bite at my skin. I quickly made my way to the apartment building, the snow crunching under my feet as I climbed the stairs.
When I reached the door, I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what was to come. The first step had been inviting Ezra to nap in my bed. Now, I needed to work the plan to keep him in my space as long as I could.
The first thing I noticed was how silent it was. The only sound was the slow, steady breathing and soft snores coming from the bedroom. I tiptoed across the living room and peeked around the corner, taking in the sight of Ezra sleeping peacefully. He was lying on his back, his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. His face was slack, his lips slightly parted, and I couldn’t help but admire his tranquil beauty.
I stood there for a moment, just watching him, taking in the sight of him. I was struck by a sudden urge to crawl into bed with him, to wrap my arms around him and hold him close. But I knew I couldn’t—not yet, at least. I needed to be patient for just a few more hours.
22
EZRA
I was acutelyaware of Carson watching me from the door as the scent of hazelnut and chocolate wafted through the air. I smiled into the pillow, touched that he’d stopped to get me a drink on his way back from my place.
Wait. That wasn’t a dream, right? I buried my head deeper into the pillows as I replayed the last things I remembered from before I’d passed out in Carson’s bed.
Him tucking me in like I was precious to him.
Carson refusing to get into the bed with me because he didn’t trust himself to be so close and not fool around. My heart raced as I remembered how badly I’d wanted him to stay with me. And now, waking up to find him standing there, watching me, made me feel a mixture of embarrassment and excitement.
“Hey,” I said, my voice groggy from sleep.
Carson smiled at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Hey, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?”
“Good,” I replied, sitting up slowly. Carson crossed the room, two paper cups from the coffee shop in his hands. “What time is it?”
“Almost three,” he said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “You’ve been out for a couple of hours.”
“Oh,” I said, scrubbing my hands over my face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep for so long.”
“It’s alright,” he said, his hand landing softly on my back. “You needed the rest.”
I couldn’t help but lean into his touch, my skin tingling at the feel of his hand on me. I wanted to beg him to crawl into the bed with me so we could at least cuddle for a few minutes before I had to get up and ready. We’d been dancing around the chemistry between us long enough we’d likely combust the moment we were on the mattress together.
Carson cleared his throat, pulling his hand away. “So, are you hungry? Tell me what you need, and I’ll get it while you’re in the shower.”
“Actually, I could go for some food,” I admitted, my stomach growling. I’d been so focused on food prep I’d ignored the need for food consumption. “But don’t feel like you need to run for anything. I’d even take some cheese and crackers to tide me over until tonight. I’m almost positive there will be leftovers once the party ends.”
I hummed softly when Carson wrapped his arms around my waist. “Ez, I don’t want you to feel like the hired help. If you’re hungry, eat something. I hate that you have to work at all.”
“I don’t.” I looked up at him for a moment, and he met my gaze with a gentle smile. His eyes told me he already had an idea of what I meant. “If it weren’t for this party tonight, I might have never gotten to know you. And that would be such a shame.”
I ran my hand up Carson’s broad chest. Intimacy was still something that confused me to no end, but I was starting to get more comfortable touching Carson, trusting that he’d tell me if I was doing something wrong.
When I first realized I was gay, I’d believed my parents’ warnings that I’d never meet anyone who’d love me as I am. And by the time I broke free from them, it felt like everyone else was so much more experienced and I’d never catch up. But with Carson, I was free to be myself. Sure, he’d had sex before, but he was just as unfamiliar with a man’s body as I was.
Carson captured my lips with his in a gentle kiss, taking his time and allowing me to explore every inch of his mouth. He murmured softly against my lips before he pulled away, the heat of his breath leaving me wanting more. His nose brushed mine as he whispered, “Tonight, sweetheart.”
As he walked away, I heard him mutter something about how the next few hours were going to drag on forever. I had to agree with him.
Part of me wanted to stay hidden in this room forever, locked away from the world with Carson by my side. But at the same time, I knew that would be too selfish—I had to be strong enough for both of us until it was our time together. There was work to be done and kids counting on us to give them a good Christmas.
I hurried to the bathroom across the hall, shutting and locking the door behind me before I could change my mind and drop to my knees in front of him, begging Carson to take me right then and there. I hadn’t held on to my virginity for any good reason other than lack of opportunity until now. I didn’t want my first time to be cheap and meaningless, but now, waiting torture after spending a few hours inhaling the scent of him lingering in his sheets.
I washed the soap off my body in record time, then toweled off and grabbed my clothes from where Carson had hung them over the doorknob outside the bathroom. I tried to ignore the full-body shiver that ran through me when I thought of standing there naked with Carson only a few feet away on the other side—a feeling that was quickly followed by intense arousal when I recalled his earlier promises.
The clock ticked on faster than I wanted it to, and slowly but surely, we were ready to go. The truck slipped and slid on the snow-covered roads, and I worried about what the conditions meant for the party tonight. Yes, I’d be upset if no one showed up to eat the food we’d prepared, but Carson and his brothers had put so much work into every detail of the party, and I wanted their efforts recognized.
Carson parked behind the building, right by the door and across two parking stalls. “I have a sign inside that we’ll put up, so hopefully no one parks here,” he explained. “Once Teddy brings the first load of food over, I’ll move, but I don’t want you guys having to walk in this shit.”
