“My sweet boy, you don’t need to thank me. I should be thanking you, instead.” James shrugged, obviously not wanting to argue with an adult. Eleanor noticed his apprehension and tentatively placed her hands on his shoulders, turning him to face her. “James, I don’t know what your life was like before you came to stay with Billy and Michael, but you’re part of the family now. I understand that it’ll take you time to find your place, but you never have to show gratitude for something so simple as someone letting you help out.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” He sniffled a couple of times, and I hated the Davises all over again. I wondered if and when that feeling would go away. They’d really done a number on him, and it was apparent there was more to the story than them kicking him out for being gay.
“You can call me Eleanor or Lola but there’ll be none of this ma’am stuff.” James shrunk in on himself further, not catching the teasing lilt in Eleanor’s voice. Luckily, she noticed and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Hey, you’re not in trouble, James. I want you to feel as if you’re one of us, and we don’t stand on formality here.”
“Okay. Thank you.” James shook his head, muttering something under his breath. “I’m sorry, I know you said I don’t need to keep thanking you, but you have no idea how much I like being here. You’re like a real family.”
“Wearea real family, and you’re one of us,” Danny said, walking in from the living room.
The unexpected sound of Danny's voice jolted me out of my focused observation of James and Eleanor. I turned around to find him and Blake standing by the kitchen's entrance. Blake leaned on the door frame, his relaxed stance contrasting with the serious look in his eyes as he watched the scene unfold. He looked up and noticed me in much the same position on the dining room side of the kitchen, acknowledging me with a simple, jerky nod.
Danny's words lingered in the air, a declaration of family and belonging that should've warmed my heart, yet it provoked a rush of conflicting emotions. Pride, because I knew Danny meant every word, and I was glad that he, like everyone else in the room, had readily accepted James as part of the family. Resentment, because a part of me envied the life Danny had built with Blake, a life that soon would include James. And guilt, because I shouldn't begrudge Danny and Blake for wanting to give James a stable, loving home.
Maybe my penance for the way I’d broken Danny’s heart was starting to care so deeply for James, knowing he’d only be with us for a short time. I had no say in anything because if anyone from the county checked up on James, I wasn’t even his legal guardian. I was just the guy sleeping with the man who cared for him.
Dammit, things weren’t supposed to get complicated this way.
“Danny's right, James,” I heard myself say, pushing through the turmoil of my thoughts. I moved closer to where James was still standing with Eleanor. “We're all family here. You don't need to be formal or keep thanking us. You're one of us. If they refused to kick me to the curb after everything I did, I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with them now.”
“Michael…” Danny didn’t finish whatever it was he was about to say when Blake whispered something to him.
James turned his tear-glistening eyes toward me, and I could see the raw vulnerability there, along with a flicker of hope. His lips curved into a small smile. “Thank you, Michael. I…I'm glad to be here. I like Billy and Danny’s family.”
“Me too, buddy.”
Hearing those words, seeing that genuine smile, I felt an intense surge of protectiveness. This boy, who'd been so cruelly abandoned by his own family had found a place where he belonged. I wished I could shield him from any further heartache. And yet, I knew that the time would come when he'd leave our home to join Danny and Blake's, causing a fresh wave of pain.
A sudden, firm hand on my shoulder jolted me out of my thoughts. I turned around to find Billy looking at me, concern etched on his face. “You okay, Michael?”
I nodded, putting on a smile. “Yeah, I'm good.”
But even as I said the words, my gaze slipped back to James, who had immersed himself in the task Eleanor had given him. I could only hope that in the coming days, I could learn to reconcile my happiness for James with the feelings of loss that threatened to overshadow it.
I carried my own private conflict, wrestling with unwarranted resentment toward Danny, guilt for feeling this way, and a deep-seated longing to be the one who reassured James that he belonged. As I moved through the rest of the day, these conflicting emotions became my silent companions, a reminder of the complex dance that was family, love, and letting go.
I steeled myself before making my way to where Danny and Blake were talking, feeling trepidation at the thought of being face-to-face with him. As he spotted me out of the corner of his eye, his expression shifted from casual conversation to something more intense—a mixture of fondness and concern that reminded me of the love we had shared, along with the guilt I felt for betraying that trust.
“Hey, do you have a minute?” I found myself asking Danny, my voice an odd stranger to my ears.
A flicker of surprise darted across Danny's face before he excused himself from Blake and led me to a quiet corner. “Absolutely. Does you coming over here mean you’ve finally pulled your head out of your ass?”
His words surprised me. The sweet, pliable Danny I knew and loved had evolved into a man who'd discovered his voice and stood firm on his grounds.
“Danny, I—” I attempted to interject.
He held up a hand. “No, I’ve been waiting until you were ready to hear what I have to say. You need to forgive yourself, Michael. Choices were made, paths diverged, but in the end, it seems like both of us have found where we’re supposed to be. I know I was angry and hurt when I came back for my grandparents’ party, but that was more surprise than anything. My family hadn’t given me any sort of warning that you’d have an infant in tow when you showed up, and it left me to assume the worst. But hear this: I hold no ill feelings. It's time you did the same.”
His words struck me like a thunderbolt, ripping through the veil of self-condemnation I'd shrouded myself in. The past was unalterable, yet I'd allowed it to blind me to the possibilities of the present.
“Danny…thank you,” I mumbled, his honesty leaving me speechless. “And I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner about Billy and me dating. It wasn’t something either of us planned on happening, and I think part of me kept waiting for everything to fall apart.”
“He’s loved you forever. I’m not surprised it eventually evolved into something more.” Good lord, had everyone in their family recognized the chemistry between us before we did? “All I ask is that you’re good to him. He’s got a huge heart but it’s tender. And for the love of everything holy, talk to him. Don’t fuck things up by thinking you need to make all the decisions on your own.”
Oh, if he only knew how that wouldn’t be a problem. Billy was helping me see all the ways I’d fucked up in my previous relationships, and I was beginning to see my desire toalwaysbe in charge wasn’t because that’s who I was but rather I was too much of a coward to relinquish control to anyone else. But with Billy, I could completely turn off my mind and trust him to catch me when I fell.
With a parting pat on my shoulder, Danny slipped back into the celebration. I remained, my thoughts echoing his words like a mantra.
It seemed fitting that we’d cleared the air at Eleanor and Randall’s anniversary party. The two of them were a shining example of what healthy relationships were supposed to look like, and Danny’s bossy forgiveness left me free to explore my feelings for Billy.
