“Fuck, I don’t even want to admit how long I’ve thought about doing that,” Billy sighed when we finally broke the kiss.
“Tell me,” I pleaded. I swallowed hard, emotion threatening to overtake me. He’d thought about kissing me? Longer than just the past sixty-some hours? Yeah, there had been times when I’d wished Billy was more than just a friend, but I’d played it off as being about having someone to share my life with more than simply being with him.
Something in me broke free, as though shackles I didn’t know I was wearing had been unlocked. The raw vulnerability and strength in his touch spoke of a promise, a journey, and a bond that could redefine who I was.
And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I allowed myself to hope. Billy hovered over me, his gaze locked on mine. “Fuck, this wasnothow tonight was supposed to go.”
“I fail to see the issue,” I responded breathlessly. Now that my libido saw an end to its dry spell, every nerve ending was alight with the need for Billy’s touch. Something I’d never allowed myself to think about was now the one thing consuming me. “Kiss me again, Billy.”
Him pulling away was not at all what I wanted or expected. He flopped onto the couch next to me, taking one of my hands in his. “We need to talk first. I’m not going to fuck up everything with you just for a quick release.”
“You won’t,” I insisted. Billy was a thinker. Before doing anything, I was pretty sure he knew every possible way things could go sideways. That was likely why he wasn’t kissing me like I’d wanted. “I’ve been terrified all day that I messed things up between us. I didn’t realize how much I needed to give up control, and now that I’ve had the tiniest nibble, I want more.”
“But I thought…” Billy gaped at me, then shook his head. “That’s not the important thing right now. It feels like we should have known way before now if we were attracted to one another.”
“Maybe, but is it possible we were both ignoring something that was there?” I stared down at our joined hands. “I’m not sure the idea of kissing my best friend even crossed my mind when we were younger. And then, I was with—”
I stopped myself, wondering if I’d kill the mood by mentioning the Danny-shaped elephant in the room.
“We have to be able to talk about everything, even the stuff that makes us uncomfortable.” Billy’s voice was steady, anchoring me to the moment. “Neither of us can change the fact you and Danny have a shared past. We’ll have to decide if that’s a deal-breaker for us. But right now, it’s not for me. Maybe that makes me the shit brother and you should run as fast as you can.”
I shook my head. Billy was far from a lousy brother. And Danny obviously wasn’t the type to hold a grudge. Maybe I was blowing things out of proportion.
“You're right. And just so you know, you're an amazing brother.” Someday, I might tell him all the ways, but not tonight.
“Thanks.” Billy's hand slid higher on my thigh. “Now, are you going to tell me what you wanted me to do to you?”
I shook my head. There was a big difference between disclosing what I'd longed for in desperation and what I wanted in the light of day, so to speak.
Billy tried backing away, probably annoyed by my hot and cold act. I gripped his hand, hoping he'd realize that wasn't what I wanted, either.
“I want you, Billy, but I can't think with my dick.” I glanced toward the stairs. “If anything happens between us—”
“I think we both know that's more of a when at this point,” Billy interrupted.
I glared at him. Even if he was right, this was serious. He held up his hands in surrender and settled deeper into the couch. “Thank you. Now, like I was saying, I can't just drop to my knees and beg you to fuck me. I have Henry to think about. I don't think I'd be able to do casual with you, but I can't let him get hurt, either.”
Billy combed his fingers through my hair. “You think I don't know that? Babe, I will never do anything to hurt you or Henry if I can help it. You’re my best friend, and I love that little boy so much it hurts sometimes.”
“So, what do we do?”
“The only thing we can.” He leaned in, pressing his lips to my neck before he whispered, “Jump.”
Jumping off the edge of a cliff was exactly what it felt like when he kissed me again. I’d never been a passive lover, but it felt natural allowing him to take complete control.
My breath caught as Billy pressed his lips to my neck. We were supposed to be talking, but I couldn’t seem to think past the feel of his mouth on my skin. He nuzzled and kissed, slowly working upward toward my earlobe. My heart beat wildly as I imagined what it would be like if he kissed me all over.
Billy pulled away and I opened my eyes to find him studying me intently. “You with me, babe?”
“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” I murmured against his lips. It wasn't strange to hear him calling me something other than my name. “I trust you.”
I hoped he understood the gift I was giving him. Tonight, my heart. If he wanted it, my everything.
Billy smiled in response and leaned in again, this time pressing his lips against mine. It was an unfamiliar feeling—as if I were jumping off a cliff with no safety net beneath me—but it felt right somehow.
He explored my mouth hungrily with his tongue as our kiss grew more passionate and intense with each passing second. His hands roamed around my body as he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss even further until we were both completely lost in it.
When we finally separated, Billy smiled softly and brushed a few strands of hair out of my eyes before planting a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. “Fuck. That was… incredible.”
