1
MICHAEL
“Henry,buddy, can you pass me that box over there?” I called to my four-year-old son, pointing to a dusty box that was half-hidden behind an old rocking chair. The basement wasn’t as dank and musty as a lot were, but my plans to turn it into useable space when we’d moved in had given way to storing clutter. Henry “helping” me was adding hours to the job, but he'd thrown a tantrum when I suggested he watch his cartoons while I got some work done. Leave it to me to have the one kid on the planet who didn't like vegging out in front of the television.
“This one, Daddy?” Henry padded over to the box in question, his small hands reaching out to drag it toward me. The box was heavier than he anticipated, and he grunted with the effort, his little face scrunching up in determination.
“Yes, that's the one.” I quickly got up from where I was sitting and went over to him, lifting the box with ease. “Ooh, I guess that’s a bit heavy for you, buddy. Next time, just tell me, and I’ll come get it, okay?”
The basement was a time capsule, filled with remnants of my past life that I hadn't had the heart to get rid of. I was never one for spring cleaning, but this year was different. Maybe it was the fact that Henry was getting older, and I wanted to fix up our basement as a play area and media room for him.
Back on the floor, I opened the box, revealing its contents. A puff of dust rose, filling the air with an old, musty smell. Henry sneezed, his little body shaking with the force of it, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“What’s in it, Daddy?” Henry asked, peering into the box with wide, curious eyes. He looked more like his mother every day, and every day I hated her just a little more for not being here for him. While I couldn't imagine a life without him in it, I also couldn't fathom how anyone could turn their back on their flesh and blood.
And then the guilt spiral would begin because I knew my sister could have been a great mom if only she’d found a way to slay her demons. Addiction was a bitch, and I hoped someday she’d realize the life she was missing out on so she could be a part of his life in some capacity.
“Let’s find out,” I replied, my hands sifting through the contents. There were old college textbooks, worn at the edges and filled with highlighted lines and scribbled notes. A collection of CDs, a reminder of the times before music went digital. And then my hands touched the cool, hard surface of a photo album.
The album was old, its leather cover faded and worn with time. I opened it, revealing pages and pages of photographs. Pictures of a younger me, pictures of friends, of family. And then a picture of Danny and me fell out from between the pages.
We were younger, our faces fresh and filled with laughter. Our arms were wrapped around each other, our smiles wide and genuine. It was a moment frozen in time, a reminder of a love that once was. That was the summer he'd gone from being my best friend's little brother to my entire world. The way he'd stared up at me, his blue eyes glistening with adoration, still haunted me at night. He was the one who got away.
No, worse. He was the one I'd pushed away and let him think it was a failing on his part. After the way I'd treated him, I deserved to spend the rest of my days with no one but my right hand to keep me company. It was for the best I wasn't trusted with anyone's heart again.
Henry, who had been watching me silently, pointed at the picture. I sniffled and rubbed a finger under my nose. It was the dust, not emotions that were choking me up. Had to be. “Who’s that, Daddy?”
“You know Uncle Billy's brother, Danny,” I replied, my voice barely more than a whisper. He'd been an adult by the time I noticed and fell in love with him, but that didn't mean time hadn't changed him.
“Why are you looking at him so goofy?” Henry asked, his voice innocent, his eyes curious. He scrunched his nose and made kissy noises.
I sighed, looking down at the picture. It was pretty bad if even a little kid could see that we weren't just friends. How could I explain to a four-year-old about love and heartbreak?
“We used to be very good friends,” I finally said, choosing my words carefully. We were so much more than that but my son didn’t need to know the details of our relationship. Danny had gifted me with his submission, and I’d betrayed that trust because it was easier than asking him to compromise his dreams to co-parent with me. But it had all worked out in the end. He’d run off to a town called Annandale and moved home a few years ago with the man who was now his husband. I was happy for them, even on the days it stung to see him look at his husband the way he used to look at me.
Before long, Henry grew bored with sorting through boxes. “Daddy, can we go to the park now?” His voice interrupted my train of thought.
I glanced at my wristwatch, surprised to see that a couple of hours had passed. “Sure, buddy. Let me just close this up.” I quickly shut the photo album, tucking the picture of Danny and me back between the pages. I was impressed I'd managed to hold his attention that long.
I stood up, stretching my back, and looked at Henry. His little face was smeared with dust, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “Why don’t you go upstairs and wash your hands, buddy? We’ll grab some snacks before we head out.”
Going to the park now meant we'd have a late dinner, but that was okay. It was the weekend, so we could get just a little bit off schedule. Just not too much, otherwise life would be chaos come Monday morning.
“Can we invite Uncle Billy to come with us?” Henry’s face lit up at the idea, his earlier fascination with the box forgotten. He loved spending time with Billy. If I didn't know better, I'd think he loved Billy more than me most days. “He pushes me super high on the swings now. He said because I'll be in kindy-garden this fall, I get to go high.”
Bless that man for not telling Henry I didn't push him high because I nearly had a panic attack every time Billy pushed him on the swings. Those two were daredevils. There was no doubt in my mind they'd be adrenaline junkies together once Henry got older.
Then again, that was assuming Billy still lived in Harmony Grove and didn't have a family of his own.
“Daaaa-dy,” Henry whined, tugging on my shorts. “Are you calling him? Please?”
“Yeah, I'll give him a call,” I promised. “But remember, he might be busy tonight.”
“No, he'll want to go to the park.” There wasn't a hint of doubt in Henry's mind.
“Well, let's call him and see,” I said.
I reached for my phone, dialing Billy’s number as Henry scampered off to wash his hands.
