“You had a thing for him, didn't you?” I shook my head. A sudden lump in my throat made it impossible to lie to my cousin. He cocked his head to the side, narrowing his gaze.
Finally, I nodded, averting my eyes toward the floor. He saw way too damned much, and he wouldn’t quit poking until I opened up to him. Unlike most people in town, he did it because he worried about me.
Maybe it was time I opened up to him about why I was perpetually and tragically single. He could tell me what a fool I was being to wish those tender kisses last night were a prelude to something more now that I knew the kiss we shared in the shadows of the festival years ago meant as much to Owen as it did to me.
“It doesn't matter, anyway,” I insisted. “He doesn't live here anymore. It would never work.”
“You're an idiot, Tyler,” Michael chided me. “Have you considered that maybe he came back into your life for a reason? Maybe when you were kids wasn't the time for the two of you, but there could be something now.”
Michael had changed. He used to be analytical to a fault, but now he spun fairytales for other people. The epic failure of his last serious relationship and his recovery from the way he’d crushed Danny could have jaded him, but instead he was determined to help other people not give up the way he had.
I shook my head. The few bites of eggs I'd managed to eat, settled like gravel in my stomach. No way in hell could I let myself think like that.
“I’m not going to push you to tell me what happened between you in the past that makes him special, but if you're this twisted up after seeing him again, you might want to consider why that is,” Michael suggested.
I knew why. Owen was a representation of my sexual awakening. He was the boy I looked at and felt like I could see clearly for the first time. Even he couldn't understand how long I had those feelings before working up the courage to approach him.
And then, he had completely blown my mind by kissing me. It was funny and sad all at the same time that, in all of our interactions, he’d been the one to take control. It almost felt like he knew I needed that from him. Owen always knew what I needed and bent over backward to give it to me.
It was totally normal to feel this fondness for someone who played such a key role in me becoming the person I was as an adult. That didn't mean I had any business trying to pursue a relationship with him now, though.
“It's not like I've been crying myself to sleep since he left,” I protested. It wasn't a lie, not completely. But I wasn't about to tell my cousin how many sleepless nights I’d had in the weeks after finding Owen's family’s vacant home.
It was easy to chalk my turmoil those nights up to worrying about my friend, instead of obsessing that I'd somehow driven him away. And every day that passed without my phone ringing, I grew even more certain that he had regretted kissing me that night.
“Again, I'm calling bullshit.” It was cute how Michael only mouthed the last word. He was always careful of what his son heard him say, even though Henry’s vocabulary was still limited to incoherent babble and screeches. “Billy said he was afraid the two of you would either kill each other or wrestle naked in the middle the park yesterday.”
“Billy's got a big mouth,” I countered. “I thought you said no one was gossiping about us.”
“Billy's not part of the gossip mill,” Michael protested. “He came over last night to help me draw up plans for the remodel and asked if I knew what your deal was. He said he's never seen you react that way to anyone.”
“You know, it seems like Billy's been spending an awful lot of time here,” I pointed out. This was the perfect uncomfortable topic to get Michael off my back. I worried about how close he and Billy were growing. If there was a pair of more star-crossed lovers in this town than Owen and me, it just might be them.
“You're right. It's almost like he's trying to make sure I don't get myself into a bind by taking on more of the renovations myself than I'm capable of. But we're not talking about me right now, are we?”
“Oh, so you don't like it when people assume that just because you’re friends with someone there must be something more going on?”
“Point taken. But make sure you're being honest with yourself, too. You were in a better mood than I've seen you in a long time last night before you left. It would be nice to see that good mood stick around.”
“If I promise to think about it, do you think we can drop this subject for right now?” The last thing I needed was Michael filling my head with thoughts of what might be.
There was still a to-do list a mile long before the festival kicked off later in the day, and Owen was meeting me there first thing this morning so he could start setting up the sound system and the lights. Everyone else would show up around noon, which meant I’d have a few hours with just Owen and the lingering tension between us. I didn’t want to risk doing anything stupid.
I finished my breakfast and quickly loaded the dishwasher. Before Michael could get up from the table, I scooped Henry out of his highchair. “Why don't you go take your time getting ready for a change. This little dude can hang out with me.”
“Don't you have to get ready to leave?” He wet a washcloth and handed it to me so I could wipe down the smears of puréed berries from Henry's hands and face.
“I do, but it's not gonna take me that long to get ready. And maybe Henry can help me work through everything you told me to think about.”
Michael laughed and shook his head. “So you aren't willing to talk to your favorite cousin about your boy troubles, but you're willing to spill your soul to a baby?”
“Of course,” I quipped. “Henry's not nearly as judgmental as you are. Now go, before I change my mind.”
I carried Henry up to my bedroom and laid a blanket on the floor for him to play while I quickly got dressed. After that we headed to his room so I could get him ready for the day, and then it was down to the living room for some much-needed bonding time over cartoons. It was easy to forget about my fears and insecurities with a bouncing little boy laughing and clapping along with the songs on the TV.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Henry scowled at me for daring to move him when he was nestled against me. “Hang on, little man. Let me see what’s falling apart without me there.”
Are we still on for this morning?
