That small barrier felt like my only protection. I didn’t want to look too closely at Tyler and update my memory with all the ways he’d changed. I couldn’t look into those hazel eyes with their gold and green flecks and see the pain I’d caused him.
“Whatever’s good for you.” Tyler slid his crate into the back of my truck and quickly turned away from me. The boy who used to talk to me for hours about stupid shit had turned into a man who could barely go beyond the required communication now.
Fuck. I knew coming back here was a bad idea.
After everything was loaded into the truck, I opened my door but didn’t get in right away. I expected Tyler to run as fast as he could now that we didn’t have to share personal space, but he seemed rooted to the spot, too. “Listen, I know you’re probably busy as hell today, but you have to grab lunch at some point, right?”
“I have a sandwich down at my office.” His chinned dipped, and he twisted the tip of his shoe into the grass.
“Want some company?” Unless he’d done a total about-face, Tyler would get caught up in his to-do list and forget to eat. He’d always been that way.
When we were freshmen in high school, I’d sneak down to the kitchen and make him a sandwich. When I slid it in front of him, he’d offer me the sweetest smile before taking the first bite. It was stupid how even seemingly meaningless gestures became huge when you lost the person you didn’t even realize you were in love with.
Tyler shook his head. “I’m probably going to eat it in my truck in between runs to grab more stuff from the basement.”
“Do you have enough help today?” I was grasping at straws, trying to find any way to not have to leave him just yet. My stomach churned at the thought of not being near him. It was sickening how my body longed to be in his presence, even though I’d done alright in the years since my dipshit parents ruined everything.
“We’ll be fine.” He pursed his lips and shook his head again.
I hopped into the truck. No matter how badly I wanted to take away some of his stress, I wasn’t going to force myself on him. I grabbed one of my business cards out of the console and rolled down the window. “If you change your mind, here’s my number. Use it or burn it. Whatever.”
Without waiting for yet another rejection, I started rolling forward again. The window was almost closed again when Tyler called out my name. I stopped.
“I’m sorry for being such an ass,” Tyler apologized. He gripped the back of his neck, massaging it. “Seeing you threw me for a loop. I’m not trying to push you away, but I don’t have the headspace to deal with this right now.”
“There’s no rush, Tyler,” I reassured him. I gripped the steering wheel tighter to keep from jumping out and hugging him until he relaxed. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’d like to clear things up.”
There was a hell of a lot more I’d love to do but admitting that he was the one every guy I’d tried dating was measured up to and found lacking would likely push him away. Now that he’d cracked the door open, I’d tread very carefully.
Tyler waved me off and I took the gesture for the dismissal that it was. Given the choice between checking into the bed and breakfast early so I could waste hours on social media or taking a walk down memory lane, I turned left out of the park. As much as I’d changed, I was still the same introvert as always. I wasn’t sure I could deal with anyone else recognizing me and asking questions I didn’t feel like answering.
* * *
It wasstupid of me to think Tyler would call, but that didn’t stop me from obsessively picking up my phone every two minutes. The appeal of catching up with people I’d never met in person quickly wore off knowing that the one person I wanted to talk to more than anyone was just across the street from me and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to make him open up to me.
Eventually, I kicked off my Docs and stripped down to my boxers. Festival weekends were great for the bank account, but they were brutal on the body. Long days out in the heat, a constant auditory assault from sitting directly in front of bands that may or may not be any good, and drunks all around. It used to be my scene, but for the past couple of summers, I’d been questioning my sanity. Where I’d have spent all of my free time at the local bars in the past, now I just wanted to bank as much sleep as possible.
Today’s nap turned out to be beautiful torture. It wasn’t the first time my subconscious took me back to the shadows behind the softball storage building, but now the images of a slightly geeky, cute boy were replaced by the broad shoulders and square jaw of a man who was even more beautiful than I’d thought he’d be.
When I kissed dream Tyler, his body sagged against mine, soft and pliant except for the impressive length of his erection grinding against me. He moaned as I grabbed his ass, pulling him closer so I could rut against him. He tasted like caramel and coffee, and my tongue dove deeper into his mouth to get another sip of my new favorite flavor. Tyler arched his back when the kiss broke long enough for us to breathe. “Owen, please…”
“Tell me what you need, Tyler. I’ll give you anything.”
“Just this. Don’t leave me hanging,” he begged, his voice cracking.
Don’t leave me was the plea he didn’t tack onto the end. “I won’t, baby. Never again.”
I jolted when my phone screeched beside my head. “Fucking cockblocking mother fuckers. Can’t even get off when I’m fucking sleeping.”
“That sounds like a personal problem.” Tyler chuckled on the other end of the line. I pulled a pillow over my head and screamed into it. It seemed inevitable that I was meant to make an ass out of myself as often as possible around this man. In my sleepy haze, I hadn’t realized I’d actually answered the phone. “I’d planned on seeing if you wanted to grab a bite to eat but it sounds like you have other plans.”
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and pinched myself. No way was this real. When I gave Tyler my number, it wasn’t because I thought he’d use it. Sure, I’d wanted to make things right with him, but Tyler was one of the most headstrong people I’d ever met and I doubted time would change that.
If he was reaching out to meet up for dinner, no way in hell was I giving him time to second guess his decision. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and nearly fell flat on my face when I bent down for my jeans.
“You think you’re so damn funny, don’t you?” I quipped, remembering the mortifying start of our conversation.
“Think? I know I’m hilarious.” God, this conversation felt so normal, like there wasn’t a black hole in the timeline of our friendship. “And I’m not the one who was complaining about not being able to get off, although if you’re having nocturnal emissions, you should probably talk to your doctor about that.”
