“You knew exactly who I was talking about. For all you know, I could have meant Colin.” The door opened and I stepped back so John could do his job.
It was a couple I’d played with a few weeks ago. I nodded to them. The Dom returned the gesture and the sub’s cheeks burned bright. He reached down to adjust himself, earning a swat on the ass.
I tried sneaking away while John was otherwise occupied but remembered that I had someone waiting on my orders. “Hey, do you know anyone who’d want to play tonight? I told Jesse I would try to find someone. He really needs to fly tonight.”
“I might know of a few,” John scrolled through the iPad. With a swipe of his finger, he knew at all times who was on this side of the building. “Keep an eye on Jesse and I’ll send someone over as soon as I talk to a couple of people.”
“Thanks. I owe you one.”
“And you know I’ll call in that favor.” My cock twitched. John’s boy was a kinky one, and it was a damn shame John had found him first. The asshole hadn’t even been into dudes until Mav. Then again, if anyone could turn someone to the dick side, it was Mav. He was gorgeous, smart, and up for just about anything.
“I’m looking forward to it.”
3
Danny
I was obviouslya glutton for punishment. That was the only logical explanation for why I was sitting at the bar on members-only night. Thanks to the rotation Sam had set up, none of us got stuck working every month for the exclusive event and, lucky me, that meant I didn’thaveto subject myself to everything I swore I didn’t want anymore.
And yet, here I was.
I sipped my soda, trying to keep from staring at Mav and his Daddy as they checked in, but it was hard. Mav always looked so pretty when they came to play, and tonight, I could tell he was wearing a new outfit his Daddy bought for him. I’d never be interested in a dynamic like theirs, but damn if I wasn’t jealous about their connection.
And just my luck, Mav kissed his Daddy and walked my way. I tracked John’s route through the bar, directly to the man I was trying to not think about too much. Over the past month, Blake had kept tabs on me. He checked in with me every time I was working when he came to the club. I kept waiting for him to proposition me or do more than remind me he’d be there when I was ready to talk, but I was beginning to think that was a pipe dream. Why would he want someone like me when he had couples lining up every night to play with him?
It was probably for the best anyway because if wewereto do anything, I wasn’t sure I could stomach watching him play with others. Open relationships were great for some people, but after Michael, there was no way I could make the separation in my mind between ethical non-monogamy and cheating. If I was ever with someone again, I needed to be able to trust that I was theonlyperson they were with.
Not that I was with Blake or ever would be. That was absurd.
“Are you okay?” I jumped when Mav rested his hand on my forearm. I blinked rapidly, trying to get my eyes to focus.
“I’ll be fine,” I reassured him, even though I wasn’t so sure. Maybe I needed to put aside any dreams of having a Dom I could trust to put me on my knees and make me fly, and settle for getting laid. That might help vanquish the thoughts of Blake that haunted me whenever I tried to close my eyes. “I should have stayed home tonight, but that’s even worse than being here.”
I was beginning to hate everything about my apartment. It was cold and impersonal. I wasn’t a diva by any stretch but living in a studio apartment with water damage stains on the ceilings and painted over chipped paint, only drove home how very far I’d fallen. My footsteps echoed as I paced the small space, trying to figure out what to do with my life.
And that made me long for someone to help me sort out my confusion. But I didn’t want to need anyone; this was supposed to be my time to prove I was capable of supporting myself.
“Why do you keep coming to member’s night if it makes you sad?” Mav pulled a stool over from one of the tables and wedged his way in next to me. I tensed when our knees touched, but relaxed quickly, remembering this was Mav and he was just trying to be a good friend. “You know you can talk to me if you need anything, right?”
Colin approached, setting a bottle of water in front of each of us.
“Can I get either of you something to drink?” I didn’t need anything else to drink, but I smiled a silent thanks to him. He was a good guy and a fast learner. The customers all loved him, probably because he didn’t reek of desperation. No, even the youngest member of the staff hadtwopartners to go home to at the end of the night.
Mav held up his arm, proudly showing off his black wristband. I swallowed hard, trying to not be jealous of him, knowing he and John would be heading into one of the private rooms later for a scene. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed John and Blake leaning close, deep in discussion. My stomach flipped again.
When Colin and Mav started talking about how Mav was going to play with Blake tonight, the jealousy I felt every time Blake was here, morphed into something bitter and focused on my friend.
You’ll never have that for yourself. Get the fuck over it.
“You know, Danny, if you’re not feeling good, Dr. B could help you, too,” Mav suggested. Oh, if he only fucking knew that Blake was the root of my current issues, not the solution. But I couldn’t say that without Mav taking it as a sign that Ineededto crash whatever they were doing.
“He can’t fix what’s wrong with me,” I grumbled. “No one can.”
No one can fix you. Only you have the power to change your life.I repeated the mantra from one of the self-help books I’d been listening to when there was nothing better to do at home. If I said it often enough, maybe I’d start to believe it.
“That’s not true. Dr. B can fix anybody. He’s the best doctor ever,” Mav argued. Of course he would know. I hadn’t asked for details, but I’d heard about the night they’d all spent together in the medical room. Mav was into some interesting shit that I’d never want to try, so I’d tuned out rather than having to hear about even more people playing with the man I refused to beg to show me more attention.
“I’ll have to take your word for it.” I turned on my stool, my shoulders slumping as I watched John and Blake negotiate their scene for the night. The two of them kept glancing our way. Blake’s eyes lit up when he noticed me.
