Tonight, I was meeting with an unattached sub. It wasn’t something I normally did, but I felt restless and needed more than a clinical—no pun intended—scene. There were times I missed holding a sub in my arms as he came down from subspace.
Feeling the weight of his body in my lap was a reminder of the trust he’d handed over to me. And I was self-aware enough to admit those thoughts had crept into my mind more frequently over the past few weeks since I’d found Danny outside the club after closing.
I had no clue what it was about him that grabbed my attention and refused to let go. There was hurt etched into the lines marring his forehead and a dullness in his eyes when he forgot to play the role of the charming bartender.
Any time a Dom walked up to him, he straightened, pushing his shoulders back as if presenting for them. But I didn’t think that was what he was doing at all. Unfortunately, he’d either quit or I had the misfortune of only coming in on nights when he wasn’t working.
Still, I kept watching out for him.
“Who are you meeting up with tonight?” John asked when I pulled an empty stool closer to his station at the door. Once upon a time, I’d been foolish enough to crush on him and it almost destroyed our friendship. No, ithadruined everything, but when he was desperate enough to get help for himself and his boy, he’d swallowed his pride and called me. Since then, we’d been working to mend fences.
“His name’s Jesse,” I offered. John’s eyes widened when I didn’t mention anyone else. I gave him a playful shove. “Stop. This isn’t the start of a great love affair, I just needed something different tonight.”
“Bad enough you’re willing to break your own rule about not playing with singles?” The corner of his mouth turned up in a knowing smirk. “Good for you, man. I know you say the arrangement you have works for you, but I think you’re lying to yourself.”
“How so?” Hearing him call me out reminded me of when I’d said something similar to Danny. Maybe both of us were lying to protect ourselves.
“You’re not meant to be terminally single,” John insisted. “You have a huge heart, and you’re happiest when you have someone to take care of. Even if it seems to most like they’re the ones taking care of you, it’s mutually beneficial. And you’re depriving yourself, so you don’t get hurt again.”
“It’s not that simple, John. I know you’re all for relationships now that you’ve got one, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us need to rush into anything.” I checked the time, wondering if Jesse was going to show up. His inability to stay on schedule might be one reason he was single. Then again, not every Dom was as much of a sucker for punctuality as I was. I lived and died by my schedule and got irritated when others didn’t value my time. “Tonight is just a scene. He’s been asking for weeks, and I finally said yes. But that’s also a reason he wouldn’t be someone I’d get involved with. You know I don’t like pushy subs.”
“What I know is that you’re full of shit,” John scoffed. “You love it when they beg. Don’t forget, I’ve seen you in action more than anyone else here.”
“True, but that’safterwe’ve agreed to a scene, not before.”
“Then why did you change your mind? If you’re not into it, you should have stood your ground.” He was right, of course, but I didn’t want to admit how lonely I’d been recently.
The door at the end of the hall opened and I held my breath, waiting on the off chance it was Danny walking into the bar. I couldn’t see a face over the stacked cases of soda in his arms, but I recognized the carefully styled dark blond hair.
Without a second thought, I rushed over, taking two of the cases from him. “You shouldn’t stack them so high. You could trip and hurt yourself.”
“Man, are you trying to be my personal knight in shining armor? Did someone tell you I needed to be protected from myself?” There was a thread of desperation woven in with his snarky quips. His shoulders relaxed, and I didn’t think it was from the lack of weight he was carrying. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me.”
“It’s okay,” I reassured him. “We all have our edges that need to be smoothed over. And while no one’s told me to look after you, something says you need that in your life.”
“I’m just fine on my own,” he insisted. He eased past me, and I followed him to the bar. “You can set those right there. I’ll get them in a minute.”
I was about to ask him to join me for coffee when he got done with work but felt a hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and frowned, knowing who I’d find when I turned around. Agreeing to this was a bad idea. With any luck, he’d assume my scowl was due to his tardiness and not my lack of interest. “Jesse, you’re late.”
“I’m sorry, Sir. I wound up having to stay at work later than I was scheduled, and then I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to wear,” he explained. His words were rushed and panicked, as if he knew he’d ruined the possibility of a scene tonight.
I wasn’t so much of a dick that I’d allow him to think this was his fault. Nope, it was all mine, and I’d screwed up royally by thinking there was any sub in this club who could replace my unhealthy fascination with Danny. “I’m going to get us drinks. Why don’t you go find us a table so we can talk?”
“Yes, Sir.” Jesse practically bounced his way across the empty dance floor. It would have been cute if I hadn’t been preoccupied.
I felt eyes boring into me from down the bar. Man, how did tonight turn into such a royal cluster? I jerked my chin and waved to get Danny’s attention.
He scowled as he stalked closer. “Can I get you something?”
It didn’t escape my attention that he didn’t bother trying to remain the subservient man I’d observed in the past. He was pissed and, while he had no valid right to be, I felt I’d earned his attitude. I owed Danny nothing, and yet, feeling he was upset because of me made my deSire to play tonight non-existent.
“Two waters, please,” I requested. It was the same thing I got any time I was here. I wasn’t a big drinker to begin with, butneverwhen I planned to play. The plastic bottles crinkled in Danny’s fists as he set them on the counter. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, needing to make sure he was okay. He seemed even more pissed than he’d been when I tried helping him. “Remember what I told you before. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.”
“Yeah, I remember.” It was the first time he hadn’t instinctively referred to me as Sir, and I wasn’t a fan. “Excuse me, I have other customers waiting.”
“Of course.” Maybe later, after I let Jesse down easily, I’d plant my ass at the end of the bar and see if I couldn’t crack Danny’s protective shell.
By the crestfallen look on Jesse’s face, he already knew what I was going to say before I even sat down. He wrung his hands in his lap, refusing to make eye contact with me.
