“Busy night. Seems like every member’s here, and at least half of them used their guest passes to see the exhibition,” I told him.
“That’s probably because Blake’s been out of the scene for a while. Not sure what the deal is there, but he has a really good reputation. Even Da-William talks about him like he’s God’s gift to the kink community,” Corey explained.
Blake. Okay, so now I had a name to call out when I came later tonight thinking about him.
Nope. That was a stupid idea. I wasn’t going to fantasize about getting myself caught up again, especially not with someone who hada reputationin the community.
“Huh, I didn’t realize he was so special,” I responded lamely. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, I felt this overwhelming urge to hurry and get back in there to see if he lived up to the hype.
“Yeah, I mean, sounding isn’t something I’d ever want to do, but a lot of guys like it,” Corey continued as he wiped down the bar. “They call him Doctor B because he also loves medical play. Rumor has it, he already has Dom’s calling to ask if he’ll play with their boys. Sam’s trying to get him to agree to be on staff one or two nights a week because it would be another service we could offer that no one else does.”
“Um, wouldn’t that essentially be prostitution?” The legalities were a much better argument than not wanting a man I’d interacted with for a total of a minute and a half touching other boys.
“That’s what they’re trying to sort out. Anyway, I need to get back to it. You should think about picking up some hours on this side if you’re looking for more money. We’ve been slammed since the reopening, and I could use a good bartender beside me.” Corey waved as he rushed to the opposite end of the bar where a group was gathering.
As I went to the storeroom, I thought about what he’d said. The tips were probably higher over here since alcohol tended to open the wallets wider, and Iwasmore comfortable when I wasn’t faced with everything I used to have.
But DeSires offered me security. The men over there exuded dominance and, even if they weren’t mine, pleasing them filled a little of the void in my chest. They were safe because our interactions were transactional, and I knew better than to fool around with someone at work. That meant I couldn’t fall under their spell and become dependent on them.
Standing on my own.
I needed to remember why I’d bought that bus ticket out here, why I thought living in a place where no one knew me was a good idea. My friends and family back home didn’t get it, but they were unwaveringly supportive of my decisions. They wished me well, told me to keep in touch, and that was the end of the discussion. Knowing they cared was nice but seeing how easily they accepted my departure made me feel disposable.
“Danny, you lost over there?” John’s voice crackled through the walkie talkie on my hip. “The exhibition’s wrapping up and the new guy’s starting to get busy.”
Shit. How much time had I wasted chatting with Corey? I checked the time on my phone. I’d left Colin on his own for nearly twenty minutes.
“Be right back,” I responded before hefting three cases of water in my arms. Hopefully we’d be okay with everything else until the end of the night. We only had to make it through two more hours, then I could restock, clean up, and head down the street to my shitty studio apartment over the bakery.
Those two hours flew by. The energy in DeSires was supercharged following the demonstration. Blake never left the stage, but the boy he’d been working with had disappeared to the aftercare lounge with someone else. I bristled, irrationally annoyed that the man who’d worked him into a state wasn’t the one taking care of him. My unwanted attraction became somewhat more manageable because of his inattention.
John flashed the lights twice before turning them up to half power. That was the signal for everyone to start wrapping up their conversations and head out. I leaned against the bar, my head falling between my shoulders, and took a few deep breaths. As much as I needed the money, maybe Corey was right. Maybe it was time for me to pick up some shifts at The Lodge instead. I needed a break from having power exchanges thrown in my face night after night until I could clear my head a bit.
“I’m going to start wiping down the tables and gathering glassware,” I told Colin as customers started filing out the door. With a bus tub under one arm and a rag in the other hand, I made my way to the back of the room. With any luck, everyone would be gone by the time I made it to the front, and it would be easier to focus.
As I passed, I couldn’t help but glance toward the stage. Blake’s gaze met mine. I couldn’t look away. He smiled, then jerked his head toward the back of the room. I dipped my chin and hurried away.
What in the fuck was that?It was a big fat nothing to him but, to me, it felt like he’d given me an order I couldn’t disobey.
Yeah, I was definitely going to be talking to Corey about getting me out of DeSires for a detox period.
I breathed a sigh of relief when the club emptied, other than the four of us employees. I tensed when the door opened again, relaxing when I realized it was just Sam coming to collect the tills.
Quit being so fucking dramatic. You’re imagining a connection where there isn’t one.
“You good?” Mav asked as he started wiping down the table next to me. “Your head’s been in the clouds all night, and you look like you’re ready to either cry or punch something.”
I chuckled because he wasn’t far off. But I couldn’t tell him I felt like I was spiraling out of control because of an interaction with a customer. “Just have a lot on my mind.”
“I get that.” I liked Mav. He didn’t push me to talk when I wasn’t ready. We worked in comfortable silence until all the tables were cleaned, the lounge furniture was back in place, and the stools were upturned on the bar. “Some of us are heading to Wally’s for some food. You in?”
“Nah, I’m beat.” I yawned, stretching my arms wide for effect. “Maybe some other night.”
It was the same answer I gave every time they invited me. A voice in the back of my head, that sounded suspiciously like my ex, chastised me for being a hermit but I ignored him. It wasn’t that I was being anti-social, it was just that money wasn’t an unlimited resource in my world and I needed to build a buffer in case life went to shit.
“Okay, well, I guess we’ll see you next week.” Mav tossed his rag into the bus tub and ducked behind the bar to clock out. I watched as he and John left, Mav carefully tucked against John’s body. He looked back and lifted an eyebrow as if to ask if I was sure and I waved him off.
Yes, I was absolutely sure I didn’t want to go out. As soon as I had the last few glasses in the small dishwasher under the bar and did a check to make sure there was nothing left undone, it was time for me to punch out and head home. I dragged my feet, knowing there was nothing waiting there for me, not even a pet. I’d considered getting a cat or something, but that was one more mouth to feed, vet bills, and everything else. Someday, I’d have a companion…
