“Honey, it’s not a bother to him. I know that man loves you and he’d do anything for you.”
“You haven’t even seen him in years,” I challenged.
“And you’re delusional if you think that man hasn’t loved you longer than that. Let him in, Lincoln.”
“I have.”
“Not fully, you haven’t.” She walked with me to the door of Patrick’s room. “You’re still holding back because you’re worried he’ll change his mind. Given his track record of wanting to be on his own, I can’t blame you for being cautious. But he’s not a stupid man. Give him the chance to prove how different he is with you.”
“I will.” She gave me one last kiss on the cheek and watched me walk away. I stopped by the nurses’ station, asking them to keep an eye on her so she wasn’t lonely.
On my way to the stadium, I called Nixon. A lump formed in my throat, the gravity of the situation hitting me. I wasn’t calling Nixon to come and sit with me while we waited for Patrick to wake up; I needed him next to me when Patrick took his last breath. I wanted him to fly to Texas with me for Hunter’s game so he could support me when I told my son one of his favorite people in the world was gone. I needed him here with me and I should’ve admitted that days ago.
“Hey, everything okay?” Nixon’s voice echoed through the speakers of my car.
“It’s not looking good, Nix,” I admitted to him. So far, I hadn’t given Nixon many details, knowing he’d have been on the first flight down here. Angie made a valid point that I wasn’t giving Nix the opportunity to prove to me he could be a good partner, which meant I was the one doing a shit job of being part of a couple. “Does that offer for you to come down still stand?”
“Absolutely,” he said without a second’s hesitation. “I’ll call the airline and have them get me on the next flight out.”
“Thanks. And… I’m sorry for trying to push you away. Ever since the accident, you’ve been trying to be here for me and I’ve said no.”
“Linc, I’ve already told you I’m not mad at you about that. This thing between us is still new. We’ve been friends a long time, but this is different. It’s going to take time to learn how to be part of a couple. Besides, it’s nice to know I’m not the only person screwing up in this relationship.”
“Hey now,” I protested. I might’ve said more, but the traffic was insane as I creeped closer to the stadium. I’d expected there to be a good turnout, but it felt like everyone in the city was on this stretch of road waiting to wish the football team good luck. “If you ever need confirmation that I’m not the perfect partner, just ask Isabella. I’m sure she’ll tell you all the ways I screw up on a regular basis.”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.” Nixon chuckled, and the sound reverberated through my body. I’d missed this easy banter. Since the accident, it’d felt as though Nixon was second-guessing everything he wanted to say, worried about making an inappropriate comment.
Traffic was getting even more chaotic as people tried to force their cars into other lanes. If I didn’t pay attention, someone was going to hit my car, and that was about the last thing I needed today. “I’m almost to the stadium, so I’m going to let you go. Call me when you know what time your flight lands and I’ll meet you.”
“You don’t have to, Linc. I can rent a car and meet you at the hospital.”
“No, I think being forced to take some breaks from there is a good thing. Besides, I’m not sure I want the first time I see you since I left to be up there.”
“Whatever works best for you. I’ll text you my flight info since you won’t hear the phone ring.”
“Sounds good. Love you.” I wasn’t sure I’d ever get tired of telling Nixon how I felt about him. The past few days had been a hard lesson that you never know if you’ll get the chance to say the things that need to be said, which made it even more important for me to say those three little words whenever I got the chance.
“Love you, too. See you soon.”
It felt like it took another hour before I was guided into a parking stall. As I got out of the car, one of the parking attendants recognized me, telling me I should’ve asked the athletic director for a special parking pass so I didn’t have to wait with the masses.
He didn’t understand that after years of playing professional football, I enjoyed these moments that reminded me I was just a regular guy now. I didn’t want the attention or special accommodations that went along with being someone famous. That part of my life was blessedly in the past. Hell, if I could swing it, this was the start of me leading a completely normal life, because I couldn’t imagine flying across the country to speak week after week anymore. While I loved motivating players, even that had lost some of its shine over the past year.
I wanted to settle down. Figure out what came next in my life. Wanted to devote more time to helping future players save their families from sitting in a hospital room, waiting until there was zero hope to say goodbye. Wanted to convince Nixon that we wouldn’t drive one another crazy if I were to give up the house in Alabama and move closer to him.
* * *
Once the peprally for the football team was over, I followed the rest of the parents to the tunnel, showing a security guard the pass that allowed me access to the more private send-off. There were more friends and family than I’d expected, including those of a couple of Hunter’s buddies who were from out of state. I worked my way through the crowd to greet them.
For the past three years, these people had become not necessarily friends, but closer than acquaintances as we cheered for our sons week after week from behind their bench. Many of the parents even traveled together to the away games, but I’d never become quite that involved.
Cheers roared through the tunnel a few minutes later as the coaches led their team to the buses. Gone were the scared boys from their freshman orientation, and in their place were young men decked out in suits and ties I was sure they couldn’t wait to strip off.
A few of them had their heads down, already engrossed in their music, but most of them were looking out trying to find their families. Hunter spotted me as I worked my way to the front of the crowd. He stepped out of the line, earning him a playful shove from one of his teammates.
“You sure about this, Pops? I don’t have to go,” he told me. The urge to reach out and hug him was strong, but I didn’t want to do anything that’d cause him to be the focus of ridicule on the trip to Texas. “Maybe I should just stay back and be here with Angie and Tanner.”
“We’ve got everything here under control,” I insisted, swallowing hard around the half-truth. “Angie wanted me to tell you the best thing you could do right now is go out there and play for Patrick. Play the way he taught you. That’s what’d make him happy, not you sitting around twiddling your thumbs while expecting your team to fill your void.”
