“It’s not baggage,” I told him, because that wasn’t how I saw it. Hunter, Patrick, even Isabella, they were all important to Lincoln; therefore, I’d do whatever I could to not freak out every time our love life was exposed to more people.
It wasn’t fair to Linc and honestly, it was a pretty shitty way to live. I wanted to be free, the way I felt when it was just the two of us. “And I am cool with it. He can stay in the guest room. Maybe I can even take him to the training facility for some workouts. Not with the team, of course, but when no one’s there.”
“He’d like that.” Linc flashed me another broad smile just as the asshole behind me honked and flashed his lights. “Guess it’s time for me to go.”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “Text me when your flight takes off so I know you’ll be back on time.”
Linc squeezed my hand one last time before grabbing his laptop bag out of the backseat. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I waited until Linc was inside the terminal before pulling away. It took every bit of restraint I could muster to not flip off the damn wannabe cop behind me. Screw him if he thought thirty seconds should be enough time to say goodbye.
Rather than going back to an empty house that’d only emphasize the hole I felt in my heart now that Linc was gone again, I headed straight for the training facility. He was right when he said most of the guys would be slacking off this week, but that didn’t mean I had to. I would be there for the guys who wanted to work out, and I’d put all my energy into making sure we were in good shape for the final few weeks of the season.
I didn’t bother turning on the lights in my office. Sitting alone in the quiet and dark seemed fitting. It was easier to stew in the puddle of mush my life had become since falling in love. I wasn’t used to all this feelings bullshit and wasn’t sure I liked it. Was I truly happier now than I had been when I focused on work and nothing else? I wasn’t so sure.
I startled awake at the sound of a door slamming on the other side of the training room. Shit, asleep on the job wasn’t how I wanted anyone to see me. If it was Teddy, he’d give me shit about sleepless nights and how it was about time I got laid. The man had no boundaries, it seemed, when it came to the fine line between personal friendships and professional relationships.Or maybe he’s trying to be your friend, you crabby asshole.
But it wasn’t Teddy, it was Zach, and his sluggish gait spoke to either an injury or a sleepless night. Neither was a good option. Part of me wanted to follow him into the locker room and make sure he was fit to be here this early in the morning, but if he wanted my advice, he knew where to find me, so I turned back to watching yesterday’s game with a critical eye, trying to find any weaknesses on the lines.
I was busy writing notes on a legal pad when there was a rap at the door. I looked up to see Zach standing in the doorway, dressed to work out. “Hey, you’re here awfully early.”
His obsession with being the first in the gym every morning this season bordered on problematic. His argument was always that his stats on the field reflected the work he was putting in, but his body needed a break. “Yeah, wanted to get a run in before everyone’s fighting over the treadmills. I’m surprised you’re here this week.”
“Why’s that?” I asked, tapping my pen against the edge of the desk.
Zach shrugged and kicked at the floor. “Guess I figured you’d want to spend Christmas with Mr. Sims.”
“And we will,” I responded curtly. Linc had told me he and Zach talked frequently, but I hadn’t realized they shared personal details, such as Linc being in Alabama this week.
“Oh, I thought…” He trailed off, and even in the dim light streaking in through the floor-to-ceiling windows on the other side of the room, I could see his flushed cheeks. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business. I know you don’t like anyone talking about your personal shit here.”
“No, I don’t,” I confirmed. Linc’s voice echoed in my head, reminding me that there were worse things in the world than people finding out we were together. And Zach already knew, so there was no use denying anything. And since things were tense between him and his father since he came out publicly, he may be in need of a place to go for Christmas. “But since you asked, I’m assuming he told you he was flying home for the week. Well, he’ll be back in time for a low-key Christmas at my place. If you don’t have other plans, you’re more than welcome to join us.”
“Thanks, but Nate and PJ are flying up and Griffin’s supposed to be here in a few days,” he told me. The mention of his brother brought a smile to his face, but when he mentioned his boyfriend, who was packing up to move cross-country so they could be together, his smile turned radiant. “And I know you keep bitching about me working out too much, but that’s not what I’m doing this time. I swear. I’m trying to bust ass a bit early this week so I can slack off over Christmas.”
“That’s good to hear.” I let out a deep breath, and with it, promised to quit trying to micromanage the training center. These guys weren’t high school or college kids; they were professionals who knew what they needed to do. Linc was right; they’d be okay for a few days if I decided to take a vacation. Maybe I’d make that my early New Year’s resolution and start by asking Teddy if he could do without me on the sidelines for one weekend.
Zach chugged half the bottle of water that’d been dangling between his fingers and started to turn away, but stopped. “You probably don’t want to hear this, but I think it’s pretty cool that you and Mr. Sims are working your shit out. You’re almost tolerable most days.”
I wadded up a piece of paper and chucked it at Zach. He laughed and waved over his shoulder as he jogged to the cardio room. He was right; I didn’t want to hear that I wasn’t an insufferable bastard. At the same time, I wasn’t about to shove a stick of dynamite in what Linc and I were building just to keep my unapproachable, no-nonsense edge at work.
18
Lincoln
Overall,it’d been a productive trip home. Patrick seemed in higher spirits than I’d seen him in the past year. He’d even asked me to take him Christmas shopping. That evening, Angie invited Hunter and me over for dinner. Since we weren’t putting up a tree or anything at my place—no point since it sat empty more often than not lately—she insisted that we celebrate early with their family.
So, that’s what we did. I took Hunter and Tanner to the tree lot, where we picked the best of the trees rejected by everyone who’d prepared for Christmas more than a few days before the holiday. Over half of the needles it’d once had had long since fallen to the ground, but it wouldn’t look so bad once Angie worked her magic with the lights and ornaments.
That night, the five of us sat in the family room admiring our handiwork as we sipped hot chocolate and gorged on cookies. Hunter tried passing, saying he needed to watch what he ate until after the bowl game, but I shoved the plate at him. His dedication was to be admired, but these were memories that’d last a lifetime for him. I didn’t want him missing out because of the pressure. Patrick and I both knew that was a surefire way to live a life filled with regrets.
My son offered me a shy smile as he swore he was only going to eat one. I smirked when one turned into about a dozen and Angie topped off his cocoa, piling it high with marshmallows the way she had when he and Tanner were little.
“Patrick looked good,” Hunter commented on the drive home. “Do you think he’s getting better?”
There was so much hope in Hunter’s voice. Like me, he wanted to believe the doctors had misdiagnosed Patrick and that he’d recover. The reality was these were fleeting moments to be cherished, because the disease that had taken hold of his brain would never let go.
I could’ve reminded Hunter of that, probably should have, but it had been a pleasant day and I didn’t want to ruin his joy so I avoided the question. “Yeah, it was nice to see him happy for a change. How’s Tanner doing?”
