Tanner’s eyes were red, his face swollen, despair evident in his expression. Hunter wrapped an arm around his friend’s shoulder, guiding him into the room. No matter what he did on the field, nothing would ever top the pride I felt for him in that moment. He was a good man, an amazing friend.
The two of them sat next to me on the couch, but before long, Tanner got up to crouch in front of his father. “You don’t think about what’s going to happen tomorrow or next week or next month. Focus on today. That’s all we want you to do, Dad.”
“I just…” His voice broke again, chin quivering with held-back anguish. “I’m so sorry, Tanner. If I’d have known…”
“I get it,” Tanner assured him. “Don’t think about that now. You can’t keep beating yourself up for choices you made years ago.”
Hunter leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Without thought, I reached over to rub his back. This wasn’t the day he’d planned on, but it was the one we were given. I didn’t want him looking at Tanner’s situation and worrying more about whether or not that’d be us someday.
I refused to let him know I’d had that same concern. I needed to take Tanner’s advice and live for today. None of us were guaranteed a damn thing in life. I leaned in, lowering my voice so only he would hear me. “You okay?”
He shrugged, eyes flashing to the side, watching Tanner and Patrick, who were now deep into their own conversation. “I guess. It just sucks, you know.”
“Yeah, buddy. I do know.” I patted his back, settling in as the pregame show ended and the cameras cut to the field.
The rest of the day was a bit somber, but at least Patrick had quieted down from his earlier outbursts. He glanced over occasionally, smiling at his son, who’d joined us for the game. In all the Sundays we’d spent here, I couldn’t remember Tanner enjoying football the way he did today. As soon as the game ended, Patrick walked us to the door.
“Thanks, Lincoln.” We quickly hugged and I ignored yet another reminder of his body wasting away. “I know I’m an asshole, so thanks for putting up with me.”
“Nothing to put up with, brother.” And I meant that. Friendships weren’t that different from marriage. You took the good with the bad, the sickness with the health. I felt more comfortable leaving now that it seemed we’d gotten through to him. “I’ll be sure to call when I get back to town.”
“You never did tell me where you’re headed this time,” Patrick pointed out as he followed me to my car. He sucked in a deep breath, sighing as the fresher air hit his lungs.
I debated internally whether or not I was ready to risk popping the bubble of Patrick’s good mood. He’d never fully understood how I could be married to someone as gorgeous as my ex for so many years and “suddenly” be gay.
I could dodge the question again, leave town with him wondering, but that wasn’t fair to me or Nixon. And Patrick was my friend—I wanted to share this with him. “I’ve been staying with Nixon for a while now.”
“Why?”
“Let’s just say us spending some time together is long overdue and leave it at that,” I responded, my eyes pleading with him not to push me for more. The truth was out there, and I didn’t see a need to explain in detail what Nixon and I were doing with our time.
Patrick cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing as he stared me down. I balled my fists at my sides, ready to defend my choices even though I shouldn’t have to. When he finally spoke, I was shocked I managed to stay upright.
“I guess I can see that,” he said flatly, drawing me in for one more hug. “Have fun, I suppose. And don’t be a stranger now that you’ve found someone. I don’t care where you’re staying, you can still pick up the phone.”
“I will,” I promised. The guilt of living my own life while Patrick’s was slipping away eased as I pulled away from the curb. Today’s visit had been a good one. He’d be okay. He had to be.
15
Nixon
The condo wasquiet when I unlocked the front door. The only indication that Lincoln was home came from a sliver of light at the top of the stairs. He’d texted me when his plane was boarding, letting me know he’d be home soon. I turned into a pile of mush at his easy reference to my place as home, despite the fact that he’d just left his own behind.
Luckily, Teddy had been the one who caught me rereading his message, a dopey grin on my face. I tried to deny that I was softening to the idea of having someone in my life, but Teddy called me on that bullshit, too. By the time our plane landed and the team had boarded our buses back to the stadium, more people had caught on to my lightened mood and were giving me shit about being possessed, because I was actually joking around with the guys.
I bounded up the stairs, wanting nothing more than to sink into the couch next to Linc and go to sleep. As much as I missed Linc and wanted to be with him, I wasn’t sure I had the energy for much more tonight.
The game had been grueling, every point hard earned, and even I hadn’t escaped unscathed. It was my own damn fault, really, but I’d been knocked to the ground when one of the receivers leaped into the air, trying to make an impossible reception.
I dropped my bag to the floor, wondering if Linc had already gone to bed. The TV wasn’t on and he wasn’t at his usual perch at the island, laptop in front of him as he tried to get some work done. I heard a sniffle from the living area and followed the sound. There was Linc, sitting in the dark, a rocks glass dangling from his fingers. He stared into the backyard, oblivious to my presence.
“Hey, I’m home,” I whispered, pressing my lips to the side of his freshly shaven head. He startled, then looked up to me with a sad smile. “Everything okay? Did something happen while you were home?”
“Just have a lot on my mind.” Linc hoisted himself out of the chair and shuffled into the kitchen. He poured the watered-down remains of his drink into the sink before leaning on the counter, head hung between his shoulders. “I spent the day with Patrick.”
Oh. That explained a lot.
Linc and I hadn’t talked much about Patrick, but it was well known that he was suffering as a result of his time in the league. He’d shocked the world when he appeared on one of the sports shows to talk about his opinion on a class action lawsuit filed against the league by several former players for the lack of policies in place to protect them from injuries.
