Actually, that wasn’t a bad plan.
“You’re not being punished and no one’s going to think less of you. One thing you need to know about Coach Rodgers is he’s fully invested in his players. He firmly believes you can’t perform at peak level on the field if you’re not taking care of yourself at home. Given the way he’s turned this team around since he got to town, it’s hard to disagree with him. He knows how much stress you’re getting ready to face head-on, and while he respects the hell out of your decision, he’s worried. And so am I. Will you do this? If not for yourself, do it to put our minds at ease.”
“Fine.” The sharp response was to be expected, but I didn’t care how much attitude he threw as long as he agreed with my request. “But you’re wrong. What I do during the off-season, who I spend time with when you don’t own my ass, that has no bearing on what I do when I walk through the locker room doors. If I have to work longer and harder to keep my head clear, that’s on me.”
The door bounced off the wall as Zach stormed out of the office. Yeah, that went well.
Looked like I needed to call Lincoln after all.
2
Lincoln
I staredat the number displayed on my phone long enough the call went to voice mail. Other than stilted conversations on holidays, Nixon hadn’t voluntarily called me in three years.
I often wondered why he bothered picking up the phone on those occasions, but I didn’t question him since I knew he didn’t have family around and was likely lonely, even if he wouldn’t admit it. I quickly connected to my voice mail, trying to calm my racing heart and the doomsday assumptions in my mind.
Just because it was a random Tuesday afternoon in August didn’t mean something had to be wrong for a friend to call.
“Hey Linc…” There was a long pause and I looked down to see if he’d disconnected rather than say what was on his mind. Nope. The message was over a minute long, so I held the phone back to my ear to see if there was something more than his unsteady breathing. “Look, I know I’ve been a shit friend, which is why this is hard for me. I have to ask you a favor and it’s probably not going to make you very happy. Believe me, I don’t like it any more than you will, but if it helps, it’s not really for me. Teddy thinks you might be able to help us with a little situation we’ve got up here. You’re probably busy with Hunter, but when you get a chance, could you give me a call? We have another session this afternoon, but don’t worry about interrupting. Just…”
The message ended, leaving my mind in a fog. What had he been about to say? Was there a sense of longing in his voice or was I hearing things? Part of me wanted to pretend I hadn’t listened to the message right away, let him think I was busy. I couldn’t, because whatever was going on in Raleigh sounded serious, and I was intrigued as to why the unflappable Teddy Rodgers needed my help.
After refilling my coffee, I stepped onto the three-season porch. If Hunter woke up, I didn’t want to risk him overhearing my conversation with Nixon. My son was a great kid, but without knowing why Nixon had reached out to me, I wasn’t taking any chances.
I told myself I was trying to protect Nixon and the Breakers, but it was my own ass I was trying to save. Hunter and I were close, closer than a lot of parents were with their kids, and if Nixon put me on edge the way he tended to do, Hunter would pick up on it in less than a second.
This house was too much for just me, and Hunter when he got tired of Isabella treating him like he was still a kid, but I couldn’t bear to sell it. This was the first house I bought when I signed my contract with the Birmingham Bengals. It was the house where we raised Hunter. It’d been weird living here right after the divorce, but once Isabella forgave me, it’d once again turned into our family’s home, even if she now lived across town. This porch was where all the important talks took place; Isabella begging me to tell her why I was so miserable, Hunter and I discussing which scholarship offer he wanted to accept, me telling Isabella that I was a selfish bastard for staying married to her when I knew I’d never be the man she deserved.
Until now, it was the one place where I refused to talk to Nixon.
My hands shook as I connected the call. I reminded myself that this meant nothing, that Nixon was only reaching out to me because he somehow thought I could help his team. Even worse, Teddy Rodgers thought I could help the Breakers, and he’d called in a favor from his strength and conditioning coach.
This wasn’t a personal— “Hey, you didn’t have to call right back.”
My stomach flipped at Nixon’s lighthearted greeting and I smiled. “Yeah, well I figured it had to be awfully important for you to pick up the phone, so I didn’t want to make you wait. What can I help you with?”
I wanted to ask Nixon how he’d been, but knew he wasn’t one for pleasantries. There’d been a time when I was one of the few who could get him to open up for idle chitchat, but that time had long since passed.
“We need your help,” Nixon said, as if that was all the explanation I should need.
“I’m willing to do whatever I can, but I’m afraid I’ll need a bit more to go on,” I responded.
When Nixon sighed heavily before clearing his throat a few times, I toed the ottoman, pulling it close enough to prop up my feet. Those subtle cues told me this wasn’t something hewantedto ask me—he felt backed into a corner. That meant it was likely pulling teeth would be easier than getting him to explain what prompted this morning’s call.
“Nix, what’s going on?”
The silence carried on a few more seconds before he spoke. “I’m sure you’ve been warnedOutside the Pocketis up our asses this year.”
“I have,” I confirmed, knowing he needed time to formulate what he wanted to say.“There’s a reason I don’t deal with people, Linc,” he’d frequently told me after a reporter cornered him hoping for a quick soundbite about a player’s injuries and chances of playing that week.
“Well, they caught what was supposed to be a private conversation between Zach Kendricks and deShawn Wall.” That wasn’t good. Normally, I’d assume it’d been something about the team, but that wasn’t reason enough for Nixon to reach out to me. This had to bebadif they wanted my help. “The long and short of it is Kendricks told Teddy before filming started that he’s gay.”
“Wow. That’s…wow.” It wasn’t often that anything rendered me speechless. I hated the fact that my first thought was how he didn’t come across as gay.Neither do you. That’s why it’s been easy for you to stay locked away your entire life,I scolded myself. “Forgive me for rushing you, but what does this have to do with me? I’m not exactly the best role model for a player who’s trying to come out, seeing as I dodged that particular bullet my entire career.”
I didn’t miss the hitch in Nixon’s breath, and I wondered if he was thinking about the nights he’d spent reminding me there would be a time when I could quit lying to everyone in my life but him. I’d had no intention of telling him I was gay, either, but after one too many beers following the last game of the season, I’d felt the need to come clean with him.
I couldn’t lie to him after he’d playfully pushed me away when I leaned in to kiss him, forgetting everyone who was sitting on the other side of plate-glass windows. Couldn’t tell myself it’d been because of the alcohol. That night, he’d become the man who knew my deepest secret.
