I’d spent plenty of time worried about how he really felt, but hearing him defend Zach’s sexuality to his buddies gave me hope that maybe he was coming to accept that I was gay. It was a longshot, since he still harbored plenty of anger over the fact that he felt his entire childhood was a lie, but there was that faint glimmer that had never been there before.
“Maybe he shoulda kept his fucking mouth shut and no one would know,” Brandon argued. “There are some things that are better left secret.”
“Fuck that,” Hunter countered. Out of the corner of my eyes, I checked to see if they were starting to draw attention. A few people were watching them, but most of the fans were still engrossed in the game. “You know, it’s funny. My dad asked me a while ago what I’d say if I found out one of my teammates was gay. At the time, I thought it’d be uncomfortable, but I’m starting to realize there are much worse guys to share the locker room with.”
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Brandon lunged at Hunter, jostling me hard enough I spilled soda all over my legs. I spun around, grabbing him by the back of his shirt. “How cute. Daddy’s jumping in to save you.”
“No,” I ground out, trying to rein in my temper, because this kid needed some sense knocked into him. “I’m trying to saveyoufrom doing something you’ll regret. Don’t forget that all of you boys signed a code of conduct along with your letters of intent when you were still in high school. You agreed that you wouldn’t do anything that would reflect poorly on the school you represent. I’m not an expert, but I’d think players getting into a very public fight would be a violation. Now, you have two choices: you can either sit down and keep your own hateful opinions to yourself, or you can leave.”
“Sorry, Mr. Sims.” Brandon had the decency to at least look ashamed of himself. He slumped back into his seat and we all tried to enjoy the game.
I excused myself to get another drink and brought back a bottle of water for Brandon. The kid needed to sober up a bit, because his behavior was out of character and reckless. I knew in my heart he wasn’t a bad guy, but I doubted I’d ever be able to look at him the same again. Alcohol had a tendency to bring out feelings people kept hidden while they were sober.
As the clock wound down to halftime, Hunter leaned forward and let me know he and his buddies were going to walk around. He didn’t need to check in with me, but it was nice that he did. I stood during those final seconds, my attention fixed on Nixon standing on the sidelines in his khaki pants and teal polo. He glanced over his shoulder and our eyes met. Had he just realized I was sitting six rows behind him, or had he known the entire time?
The second half seemed to drag on forever. The Breakers were crushing the Bengals, which made it easy for me to fixate on Nixon and what I’d say to him when we met up after the game. Teddy had given me all access passes, a surprise I hadn’t told Hunter about yet. After Brandon’s outburst during the second quarter, I was tempted to say screw it and call Nixon once we were home and Hunter headed out for the night. I didn’t want to risk the kid running his mouth again, embarrassing me and offending God only knew how many people.
I stood and motioned for the boys to follow me with just under a minute on the clock. The crowd was already thinning out since this was a pre-season game with little excitement. I felt bad for my former team because they’d just officially gotten their asses handed to them.
Coach Riker had a much easier job than Teddy when it came to cuts. If anything, he was going to have a hard time figuring out who was worth keeping on the roster. I pulled Hunter to the side, wanting his assurance that his friends wouldn’t act like assholes if I gave them these passes.
“Look, I know you’re pissed about what Brandon said. I’m sorry, Pops. You know I wouldn’t have invited him if I knew he’d be like that,” he apologized before I had a chance to grab the passes out of my back pocket. “He’s not really an asshole, he’s just… Well, let’s just say his family isn’t the most accepting in the world. That’s what I meant when we were talking. There are still a lot of guys who think like him.”
“But what do you think?” I asked. I hated rehashing an old conversation, especially when we had zero privacy, but I needed to know. With any luck, I was going to walk into that locker room a lonely, single man and I’d walk out with at least a promise from Nix that we could try having a relationship. If that was going to happen, I needed to know my son wasn’t harboring thoughts similar to Brandon’s somewhere in the back of his mind.
“Times change,” he responded, his gaze focused on the ground beneath his feet. “I’ve thought about it a lot since Zach came out. In a way, he’s helped me realize why you stayed in the closet for so long. The world’s not the same as it was even when I was in high school and he’s still facing assholes like Brandon. There’s no way you could’ve been honest back then. I just wish you’d at least told Mom sooner.”
“You and me both,” I told him, making a mental note to sit down and talk to him about this more as soon as possible. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. Yes, I was upset by what Brandon said, but I’m used to it. I wanted to let you know that Teddy gave me passes so you guys can go hang out with the players.”
“Pops, you know I can’t take those,” Hunter said, waving his hands as if trying to sweep the passes away. “Anyone catches wind that I accepted a gift from the team and it could totally fuck my whole career.”
“Which is whyyouweren’t given passes,” I pointed out. “I was. Nix and I talked a bit when I did my speech up there, and Teddy offered them to me because he’s hoping I’ll be able to convince Nix there’s more to life than the training room.”
“Are you two…you know…” Hunter’s question trailed off. He swallowed hard and his shoulders tensed, telling me he clearly wasn’t okay with whatever he thought was going on between us.
“No,” I reassured him, immediately feeling like an asshole. “Nix and I are just good friends. We had a rough patch for a while, but we’re trying to get back to where we once were.”And so much more.
“Oh, okay.” Hunter looked over his shoulder to where his buddies were hitting on a group of girls about their age. “I mean, I know someday you’re going to be with some dude. Look, I know I’m probably fucking this all up, but you need to give me time. I spent my whole life thinking you and Mom had this awesome marriage and that I wanted that someday. Then, it all fell apart and you told us that you’re gay. That you’d always been gay. I just… Be patient with me, Pops.”
“You’ve got it,” I promised him, fighting back tears. While his truth wasn’t easy for me to hear, we’d obviously done something right in raising him since he felt comfortable enough to tell me what he was thinking.
I handed Hunter three of the passes, debating if I needed to remind him that their behavior reflected not only on themselves and the school, but on me as well. I’d been a Birmingham Bengal for much of my career and the people here still knew me. I was friends with Nix, and maybe even with Teddy. I respected the hell out of them, and my son and his friends needed to do the same. Luckily, Hunter had a good head on his shoulders and the warning was unnecessary. “Don’t worry. You go and see Nix. I’ll make sure no one gets into a brawl or anything down there.”
“Thanks, Hunter.” I draped my arm over his shoulder, pulling back before I hugged him. He jogged over to his friends, but stopped me with a hand on my shoulder as they passed me on my way to the underbelly of the stadium.
“Oh, and Pops,” Hunter said after telling his friends he’d catch up with them in a minute. “If you and Nix were to ever want to be more than just friends, I’ll probably be okay with that. Eventually. But like I said, I’ll need time.”
That was the closest I was going to get to a blessing from him. There was a little more spring in my step as I walked through the concrete corridor that hopefully led to the start of a happy ending to my personal story.
8
Nixon
Almost as soon aswe reached the locker room, Teddy told me to get my shit together so I could take off. He’d already talked to my training staff and warned them they’d be in charge of morning workouts because I wasn’t flying back with the team tonight. He still needed me there tomorrow for cuts, but I’d fly out first thing in the morning. Meddling mother—
“Hey, great game today!” Linc praised as soon as I stepped outside the locker room. I stumbled over my own feet, not expecting to see Lincoln quite so soon.
“How’d you get down here?” I asked. He held up the all-access pass he sure as shit hadn’t gotten from me. I was tempted to turn around and yank Teddy’s nose out of my business.
