5
Lincoln
After suffering through dinner,trying to stay focused on what was happening with Zach instead of trying to figure out where Nixon’s head was at, it was time to call it a night.
Zach and Griffin needed someplace to hide away until Nixon and Teddy figured out if Griffin’s tip about the first trailer for the show going live was accurate. It made the most sense for them to stay at the hotel, so I’d offered to handle the details. I tapped my fingers against the counter at the front desk.
The clerk had eyed me suspiciously when I’d asked to register another room in my name with the same billing information as the room I’d checked into earlier. In the end, she relented, typing away at her keyboard as though it’d somehow offended her, muttering under her breath about how she knew something fishy was going on.
Let her think whatever she wanted; if we were hassled in any way, I’d have my manager on the phone with her boss’s boss and she’d be looking for employment more suited to her sour personality.
She didn’t make eye contact as she offered me the room keys, held between two fingers. The only thing missing to make her the ideal image of poor customer service was a wad of chewing gum in her mouth. I looked down, taking note of her name.
“Thank you, Liza,” I said, subtly making her aware that yes, I was paying attention to the details of our interaction. Just to annoy her, I turned up the charm dial. “I hope you have awonderfulevening.”
She gaped at me as I turned to walk away. I held back a chuckle. I’d have to thank Abi, my grandmother, for drilling it into my head that the best way to deal with those who judged you was with kindness.
I slid my key into the lock and waited for the light to turn green. I opened the door, apparently surprising my guests, who both tumbled to the floor. I could imagine what they’d been doing and was beyond amused that they were acting like teenagers who’d been caught by their father. “You two do know I would’ve been cool with you sitting in the chairs, right?”
“Yeah…uh…we…” Zach fumbled, trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t sound like a line of crap.
A pang of regret hit me when I stepped into my hotel room and saw the way Zach and Griffin looked at one another now that they weren’t on high alert for anyone who might be lurking with a camera. When Zach told me about their past, about how it’d crushed him when Griffin left because he didn’t see a way to play ball while openly gay, I wanted to kick my own ass.
Sure, it might’ve endedmycareer, but it would’ve started paving the way for kids like him to know it was okay to be who they were, regardless of what that man looked like. I wouldn’t have suffered financially if I’d been honest earlier. Football had never been about the money to me.
So many opportunities for me to take a stand, and I’d continuously denied that part of myself for the sake of my family. For Hunter and Isabella. They had been a legitimate reason for so long that I’d kept telling myself I had to protect them, even after the divorce.
I crossed the room, reaching out a hand to help them off the ground. “Chill, Kendricks. You don’t owe me any explanations. Here’s your key.”
He snatched the envelope out of my hands so quickly he dropped it. Now that he wasn’t trying to bottle up all his emotions, it made sense why he’d been doing it. He got clumsy when he was nervous. That wasn’t a good trait for a wide receiver.
Griffin picked it up and took Zach’s hand in his. “Thanks for everything.”
“Don’t mention it.” I waved them off. I didn’t need his gratitude; seeing them together was thanks enough. “It’s not going to be easy, but I think if anyone can get through this, it’s the two of you. He’s lucky to have you.”
“I think we’re both lucky,” Griffin admitted.
“True enough,” I agreed. “Now get out of here. It’s time for this old man to get some sleep. Meet me in the lobby at six and I’ll give you a ride back to campus in time to check in for breakfast.”
I was physically exhausted, but sleep was the last thing on my mind. Tomorrow, I’d be on a flight out of town, and I wasn’t about to leave without getting answers from Nixon. I’d been willing to accept his refusal to talk, but that was before yesterday. Once I’d seen the way I affected him, felt the way he still got to me, there was no way we were going to wait another three years before having this opportunity.
At Teddy’s, I’d slid my hand closer to his on the trunk deck as a way to gauge whether he’d moved on, fully expecting him to jerk away. When he hadn’t, my heart lightened, hope renewed that maybe it wasn’t too late.
It was a foolish line of thinking, because even if he was still interested in me, he was the same man he’d been before: insanely private, to the detriment of having any sort of personal life.
Before I could overthink my decision, I peeked down the hall to make sure Zach and Griffin weren’t still waiting for the elevator. I was a grown man acting like a teenager sneaking out after curfew. It wasn’t so much that my late-night visit needed to be a secret, as Zach had already picked up on something between Nixon and me, and I didn’t have any answers for him.
We’d been honest when we’d told him we were never a couple. It wasn’t for a lack of interest or attraction, it was all because I had to protect Hunter and Isabella from the fallout if anyone had caught us sneaking around. Then it was because I didn’t want the life he could offer me, but rather than admit that to him, I blamed it on too much changing in my life at one time.
That backfired, and I’d spent the two years since my divorce became final trying to figure out how to approach him and see if it was too late.
Tonight was my chance; I couldn’t squander it. This wasn’t the way I’d dreamed my life would play out, but neither was being alone. Maybe whatever Nixon could give me would be a good compromise.
The entire drive through downtown, my fingers tapped an anxious rhythm against the steering wheel. At every intersection, I debated turning around and heading back to my hotel. It was the safe option. If I didn’t pressure Nixon into talking to me, I could tell myself we simply weren’t meant to be. But I’d played it safe my entire life and that’d left me lonely and miserable.
No one else saw me that way, but that was because I’d spent so many years playing the part of a man who couldn’t be happier with his life that it had become second nature.
I pulled into the public parking around the back of Nixon’s building. It was still early enough that the streets were crowded with groups heading to one of the many bars in the area, so I kept my head down to avoid being recognized by anyone. I’d never done that before, but tonight I felt raw and exposed, as if anyone who noticed me would reallyseeme. Maybe I wasn’t as ready to be out and proud as I told myself.
