“Can’t you give me a hint?” I whined. Now I really wasn’t going to sleep tonight.
“No, and you’re not going to pressure him,” Ryan insisted. “Just think about how you’d feel if people started trying to get you to talk about being my dirty boy when you weren’t ready to open up about it. That wouldn’t make you feel good, would it?”
“I guess not,” I grumbled. And I supposed it didn’t much matter as long as Mav was okay. For now. But once I was out there, it wasn’t going to be so easy for him to hide from me. Which reminded me… “So, when you wanted me to promise I’d move out there if you found Mav for me, did you mean it?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”
So yeah, stupid question, but now that I didn’t have the safety net of my apartment under me, I was second-guessing myself. Again. And that’s why I needed Daddy to take care of the hard decisions for me. “I don’t know, but I wanted to make sure.”
“If you’re not ready yet, you don’t have to move. I didn’t put a timeframe on things when I asked you,” he reassured me. “It’s enough to know you’ll eventually be here next to me and I can quit having a relationship with my phone.”
I laughed, imagining Ryan cuddling with his phone at night. I would definitely make a better snuggle buddy for him. “And what about if I’m ready right now? Would you help me get a flight to Virginia so I can prove how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me? I know that sounds greedy as fuck, but if I have to get my own ticket, it’s going to take me a bit—”
“Stop right there, sweetheart,” Ryan interrupted. “Are you serious? Because I’m pulling up the airline as we speak to buy myself a ticket to help you pack the apartment. I don’t want to make you feel bad, but you’re not going to need most of it when you get here.”
“Yeah, we sort of figured.” This time, it was my turn to cut him off. “That’s why Deegan and Haley came over today, armed with boxes and tape. The only reason I’ll be going back to my apartment is to stop by the leasing office to drop off my keys and do the walk-through.”
“Seriously?” I could almost picture him with his mouth gaping open. “Where are you staying now?”
“With them. Haley figured this way Deegan and I can hang out and make up for the years I was being a total shithead to him.” She’d never say it that way, but I was pretty sure it was what she meant. “And when you get here, the four of us can spend a bit of time together unless you have to get home right away.”
“When did you think you’d be ready to fly out?” I could hear him tapping at the keyboard. “I can fly out first thing tomorrow and we can be back by Friday.”
My heart started racing and it was hard to swallow around the lump in my throat. Friday sounded so soon. Even if my mom was a total ass and would never believe I had Ryan’s best interests at heart as much as he did mine, I didn’t want to sneak away without saying goodbye. That would give her ammunition to claim I knew I was making a bad decision.
And Nana would be crushed if she didn’t get the chance see us off.
Like it or not, I wasn’t getting out of Oregon without a going away party of sorts. Haley was going to kick my ass, but I needed it to be on my turf to keep Mom in her place. And at least for a few days, their house was the only place I had to call mine.
“Flying out tomorrow sounds good, but do you think it would be okay to stay a few extra days? I’ll see if Haley is up for having the family over for a cookout this weekend, and we can break the news to them then,” I explained.
“That sounds like a very responsible decision,” Ryan praised me. “I love you, and I’m so fucking proud of how you’re taking charge of your life.”
“I couldn’t do it without you,” I told him. It was the truth; if not for him pushing me to quit living a life of boring familiarity, I wouldn’t be doing any of this. When I wasn’t thinking of all the ways I could implode my relationship, I was excited to see what lay in store.
Mav painted a picture of a town that was so accepting, their mascot might as well be a unicorn with a rainbow mane and tail. It probably wasn’t as much of a gay utopia as he acted like it was but being able to walk down the street in Ryan’s arms without anyone saying a fucking thing would be an improvement.
“You could, but I’m glad you’ll never have to.” My heart melted at his sentiment. “Now, before you talk to Mav, there’s something I feel like I need to explain to you.”
I flopped onto the bed when the room started to spin around me. No way would Ryan be breaking my heart when we were so close to being together again, but explanations weren’t required for good news. My chest felt tight, and I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Tanner, I need you to listen to me,” Ryan said, his voice low and words measured. “Breathe for me, baby. Imagine me there with you. You’re sitting in my lap with my arms holding you tight.”
“Will you rub my back?” It was a ridiculous request, but it actually was helping me feel better.
“Anything you need,” he promised me. “I’m sorry if I said something wrong. This isn’t bad, I don’t think. And you already know some of it. It’s about the club.”
“Okay, I trust you, Daddy.” I rolled to my side and hugged the pillow against my chest. I closed my eyes and listened as Daddy talked me through my anxiety. Slowly, I felt my muscles beginning to relax. “I’m better now. You can tell me.”
“You remember when I told you how the club has an area for Daddies and their boys?” I nodded, then remembered we weren’t on video. He continued as if he knew I’d answered him. “Well, there’s more to it than that. The new part of the club is for all types of kinks. There are different themed rooms where couples can explore desires they might not be able to at home. Some of them are more intense than others.”
“And that’s where you found Mav tonight?” I guessed. I knew better than to ask him for any details, but this seemed safe enough.
“Yeah, it is,” Daddy confirmed. “But there’s more to it. His friend, Sam, is the manager of the other side of the club. That’s actually where most of the Daddies hang out.”
“Is that where you want to be with me?” My mind was overflowing with questions, but it felt safest to keep him talking instead of jumping to any conclusions. “Would you be okay if I wanted to see the other side, too? Is that even allowed?”
“We can do whatever you’d like,” he promised. “Honestly, I think you’re going to push my limits once you get used to everyone. There’s even an area where we can play with the illusion of being in public.”
