“First, you need to believe me when I say everything’s going to be okay,” he reassured me, but not really at all. Telling me everythingwas going to be okaymeant somethingwasn’tokay now.
“I swear, Ryan, if you don’t get on with it already and give me a fucking heart attack, I’m going to kick the shit out of you.” It was an empty threat and we both knew it. Beyond the fear, I loved him even more for being so careful with me.
“I’m sorry. This... Baby, I hate knowing I’m about to upset you. But, again, everything’s going to be okay,” he repeated. He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed each of my fingers before looking up at me. The position was weird, and I really didn’t like looking down at him. “They had to take Nana to the hospital this morning.”
“Is she okay? What happened? I can’t lose her, Daddy! I can’t,” I sobbed. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I hated myself for thinking about how she wouldn’t be around forever. I tried jumping off Ryan’s lap, but he held me tight. “Why are we sitting here? Let me get my shoes on so we can go down there and see what’s going on.”
“Baby, listen to me.” The growly tone of his voice made it clear that was a demand, not a request. “Deegan is waiting to hear more, and then we’re going to meet up outside the hospital. We thought it was best if he and Haley walk in at the same time as us to avoid any potential drama.”
“Fuck her, man.” Ryan’s gaze narrowed, and I remembered he didn’t want me cussing so much. But seriously, fuck that noise. If my mother wanted to say dick about Ryan and me, she could step off. Still, I needed Ryan to be Daddy today, and that meant no cussing unless it was me begging him to fuck me hard, which wasn’t going to happen now. “Sorry, but only a little bit. I mean it though. If my mom says anything about us...”
“You’ll let Deegan and me handle it,” Ryan finished. That hadn’t been at all what I was going to say, but whatever. “You’re right that she’s not going to say anything, but your brother suggested presenting a united front. Ifhedoesn’t have an issue with us being together, then she really can’t say anything.”
“She should be happy that both of her sons found kickass partners and have great taste in friends,” I grumbled.
“You’re right, she should. But you know your mother.” Ryan wiped the tears from my cheeks and hugged me one more time before patting my hip. “Now, we’re going to finish breakfast and coffee. When Deegan calls, we’ll head straight to the hospital. When we get back here, we’ll make that list, because there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to let you get bad news without me there to hold you.”
18
Ryan
It wasafter noon by the time Deegan called to let us know Nana was awake and it was okay to visit. The wait had been hard on both of us, but I was happy to spend the morning on the couch with Tanner curled up on my lap, alternating between sniffling and dreaming up every worst-case scenario and napping. I shuddered when I thought about how he’d be coping if I wasn’t here. Luckily, that was never going to be an issue because, now that I had his clearance to push him, he’d be coming home with me if we could make the necessary arrangements for his apartment.
“Baby, it’s time to get ready to go,” I whispered, shaking him awake. I hated to do it, but he wouldn’t forgive me if he knew I’d gotten the call and decided to let him sleep.
Tanner startled awake, his entire body stiffening. He looked up at me, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “This morning wasn’t a bad dream, was it?”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but no,” I confirmed. His eyes turned glassy again, and I worried how he’d take it if Nana wasn’t going to be okay. She was a tough old bird, but she was getting up there in years and had been dealing with a number of health issues for as long as I could remember. The relationship Nana and Tanner shared was special, and when he lost her, it was going to kill him.
No. Don’t even think like that right now, I scolded myself. We had to stay positive, no matter what the doctors had to say when we got up there.
“The good news is she was on the phone with your dad, and he was concerned for her. He called the ambulance and then raced over there,” I explained. Deegan and I had been texting all morning, and I didn’t want to hold anything back from Tanner now that he was awake. “They got her to a hospital that specializes in stroke care, which is likely why her prognosis is what it is.”
“And that’s a full recovery, right?” Tanner asked hopefully.
I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also didn’t want him spiraling back into scenarios of doom and gloom. “Things are hopeful right now. That’s as much as we can ask for so soon. You know your Nana, if there’s a way for her to come back from this even better than she was before, she will. She’s almost as stubborn as you.”
“She’swaymore stubborn than me.” He batted his eyelashes and tried giving me puppy dog eyes. “I’m perfectly sweet and innocent.”
“Yeah, and I’m the fucking Pope,” I quipped, easing him off my lap. “Now get your shoes on so we can head out. Deegan said we’ll stop in to see Nana, and then the four of us will grab some lunch. Haley’s worried about you and wants to see for herself that you’re not melting down, but she knows you wouldn’t agree to lunch before the hospital.”
“Is everyone worried about me losing my shit?” Tanner grumbled. He stomped to the front door and shoved his feet into his shoes without untying them. That said a lot about his state of mind. He was obsessive about keeping his shoes looking pristine, whether they were his Chucks or the glossy black stilettos he kept wrapped and in their original box on a shelf in his closet. He shrugged into a hoodie, and I couldn’t help but smile. He looked adorable, even if he resembled a moody college student. “Iama full-blown adult, capable of taking care of myself. I’m okay with you worrying about me because you’re Daddy, but the rest of them need to realize I’m not going to fall apart.”
“Baby, people worry about you,” I explained as I swiped my keys off the kitchen counter. “I know you’re not used to that, but Haley and Deegan love you. And all of us know how close you are to Nana. Are you ready?”
“No, but I’m not sure this is one of those things you can ever be ready for.” Tanner grabbed my hand and leaned against my side as I locked the apartment. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I don’t know if I could do it otherwise.”
“You could,” I reassured him, kissing the side of his head. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, and if I was back home and you were still here, I’d spend the entire day on the phone with you so you knew I was there as much as I could be. You don’t have to go through anything alone ever again.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart, hope to die.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized what a colossal mistake it had been to use the childish phrase. I quickly added, “But for the record, I have zero plans on going anywhere for about a hundred years. We’re going to be old and gray, and you’ll be wishing I’d kick off already.”
“That’ll never happen,” Tanner insisted. “Even when you’re so old your dick is wrinkly and you can’t get it up, I’ll still want you.”
“Same, baby.” I shook my head, amazed that this was real life. He was a goofball who could make a dick joke about just about anything, and I loved him just the way he was.
As promised, Deegan and Haley were waiting for us outside the main entrance of the hospital. Haley pulled Tanner away from me, wrapping him in a tight hug as she whispered something in his ear. He nodded and held her tightly while Deegan and I watched on.
