“What sort of rules do you want to set?” I asked. I was secure enough in my position as his Daddy that I had no issue abiding by whatever stipulations he might set.
“I don’t know. I’m just wondering if you’d be okay with that.”
“I’ll do whatever you need to feel safe with me, Tanner.” I took his hand, staring at him from across the table. “This isn’t about me having all of the power. I set the rules because it’s what we both need to be happy while we’re apart. You need to know someone cares enough to tell you what you can and can’t do. I need to know I’m taking care of you in some way. It’s a balance that I think will work well for us. If there’s something you need me to agree to, that’s fine by me.”
“Fuck, every time I think you can’t get any more perfect, you go and say shit like that,” he groaned, pushing his chair away from the table. “Can we get out of here? My bed’s not as comfy as the one here, but I want to make it smell like us before you go.”
“Whatever you need, love.” I shook my head as I rose, wondering when I’d turned into such a sap.
The answer: the first time I realized how easy it would be to fall in love with Tanner. But then I’d pissed away years I could have been taking care of him because I was too worried about what people might say.
That ended now.
13
Tanner
Every daythat passed without Ryan next to me sucked a little bit more. No matter how much I loved and appreciated him for not pressuring me to say screw it and move across the country with him, part of me wished he had. At least then I wouldn't have to feel this soul crushing loneliness every day.
Wasn’t that something Daddies were supposed to do? If he’d made a valid argument for why it was stupid for me to hang onto my dead-end job and my crappy apartment, he could have convinced me to follow him.
But he hadn’t, because he respected that I needed to do things on my own time, and neither of us wanted to do anything that would lead to resentment down the road.
The multiple calls daily helped, but they weren’t enough. Seeing him on the other side of a computer screen wasn't the same as feeling his strong arms around me. Using my own hand, even as he guided me, wasn’t the same as him manipulating my body, making me cry in pleasure, pain, and frustration before I came for him.
In short, being without him was hell.
He seemed to be trying to make up for the absence by sending me almost daily care packages. I'd given up fighting with him about those. As he liked to point out, what good was having a thick bank account if he couldn't spoil me a little bit?
And, okay, maybe I didn't mind the special deliveries as much as I had when they first started arriving at my door. I set today's package on the bed, staring at it while I waited for my phone to ring. Ryan was busy with getting everything lined up for the club he'd invested in, which meant I spent all of my days off waiting around for the phone to ring. The only thing that made the silence bearable was knowing he’d promised to visit as soon as he could break away.
Mav barged into my room without knocking. “You going to stare at that thing all afternoon or do you plan on opening it?” He'd become almost as excited for the presents as I was. He said it was a way for him to live vicariously through me.
“I'm waiting for Ryan to call,” I told him. He knew damned well I wasn’t allowed to open his gifts until he was on the other end of the line. It was sweet how much seeing my reactions meant to him. And it was hot as fuck when it was a sexy present and he wanted me to show off for him.
“How would he even know if you opened it just long enough to peek?” Mav taunted. “You could open the bottom of the box, and then he’d still see you opening the top.”
“He’d still know.” I waved Mav off. “If you're just here to annoy me, could you come back later?”
“Damn, someone's touchy,” he sniped.
“You would be, too, if you hadn't seen your boyfriend in almost a month,” I shot back.
“If only there was a way you could have saved yourself this pain.” Mav tapped on his chin and rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers. “Oh wait, that's right. You had a chance and decided you'd rather be an idiot.”
I gave him a playful shove away from the side of the bed. He’d been cautious when I’d first introduced him to Ryan. All he’d known was the stories I’d told him about how I’d angsted over my brother’s best friend and totally made an ass of myself when I was a teen led around by his hormones. Luckily, he kept an open mind, and by the time Ryan and I walked down to where he’d parked on the street for a tear-filled goodbye, Mav had given him his seal of approval.
“Since when is trying to be responsible the same as being an idiot?” It didn't matter that I'd been calling myself the same things recently; I didn't like having my mistakes thrown back at me. And I didn't want to think about this right now. If I did, Ryan would sense how miserable I was and he'd suggest, yet again, that I put in my notice and join him.
He’d even offered to give me a job during last week’s conversation, but that was something I wouldn't take him up on, no matter how badly I wanted to be with him. Mixing business and pleasure was a surefire way for things to explode in spectacular fashion.
“I'm just saying that maybe you were a bit shortsighted when you told him you couldn't follow him out east. It's a really cool area. I think you'd like it.”
“How would you know?” Mav wasn’t exactly a traveler, and his judgment of a city’s worth directly related to the party scene. That used to be fun, but I’d realized over the past month that I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would.
“Remember, I visited out there last summer,” he said, as if that was all that needed to be said. Yes, he had flown out to meet a friend he knew from online, but there was a difference between visiting and living somewhere.
“You do understand the entire eastern side of the country isn't all exactly the same, right?”
