The shower at Sam’s house was something I’d never forget. On my first visit, I’d taken such long showers, I felt guilty for the impact on their water bill. I couldn’t help it; anyone would have done the same when going from the pathetically low pressure of shower life to the multiple shower heads and jet pressure here. I started the shower and unpacked my kit while the water heated up.
This was the only place where I’d ever had a bathroom of my own, unless you counted the last month when Tanner was at his Nana’s house. It felt like a luxury to be able to line up all of my skincare products on the vanity without having to worry about someone seeing them and mocking me for my routines. Even without the makeup, I liked having a clear complexion. That wasn’t a crime.
I turned on the towel heater before stepping into the shower. Again, moving here was like living in the lap of luxury compared to what I was used to. I never knew I’d want a warm towel until the first time Sam had insisted I try it. I thought how warm and cozy I was going to feel as I scrubbed away the grossness of the day.
It wasn’t only today that I let wash down the drain. I stood there for a long-ass time letting the spray assault me from every angle, washing away the resentment I held over everything that I’d gone through up to now. I wasn’t going to think about the slurs that had been thrown my way or how I’d been bullied everywhere I went. People saw someone like me and assumed I was a pushover. And maybe I was, but only because it was easier than fighting all the damn time.
When the water turned tepid, I reluctantly stepped out of the shower into a wall of steam so thick, I couldn’t even see the vanity or the mirror in front of me. It was heaven. As anticipated, the towel felt like being wrapped in a hug. I dried off and wrapped the towel around my middle.
It was then I realized my clothes were still sitting on the end of the bed. Tanner had texted me while I was getting my shit together and I’d forgotten to grab them.
Shit.
In my haste to get to the bedroom unseen, I didn’t bother checking the hall before bolting out of the bathroom. I made it two steps before slamming into a wall of muscle. My towel dropped to the floor as I steadied myself. Strong hands held my waist. When I looked up, I thought I must have slipped and hit my head and was now unconscious. That was the only explanation for the man who’d haunted my dreams since last summer standing in front of me.
“Mav?” He sounded as stunned as I was.
“Um, hey.” I tried bending down to grab my towel and salvage a bit of my modesty, but he didn’t let me go. He did, however, turn us so he was blocking the view of my naked body from anyone who might come up the stairs. “Sorry about that. I forgot my clothes and didn’t want…well, this.”
“You didn’t want me to see how gorgeous you are without a stitch of clothing?” he teased. The corner of his mouth turned up and his eyes burned with lust. I swear I felt his gaze searing my flesh as he slowly perused everything that was on display.
And, dammit, there was no way I could stop my dick from plumping up when his fingers rested at the sides of my ass and the scent of his cologne filled my nostrils with every inhale. I wanted him to drag me into the bedroom and bend me over. His cock was thick and just long enough, I knew it would hit all the right spots inside of me.
“You look good, sweetheart. If I’d known you were hiding all of this before, I might not have let you go,” he admitted. And fuck if that didn’t make me stand a bit taller. The way he’d reacted after I’d blown him, I had pegged him for straight and suddenly facing an identity crisis after the twink sucked his brains out. “It’s good to see you again.”
He let me go, then and bent down to pick up my towel. I reached for it, but he shook his head. I had to close my eyes and breathe deeply when he pressed his chest to mine and wrapped the towel around my waist. Hehadto know what it did to me when he neatly tucked the end in to secure it. Having his hand right there did stupid things to my body.
I went back to thinking I might have died when he ran his fingers through my hair. He bent down and my eyes fluttered closed again, waiting for a kiss that never came. I mourned the loss when he abruptly stepped back.
“I should let you get dressed.” He stepped around me. “I swear I didn’t come up here to surprise you. I didn’t even know you were here. When did you get here? How long are you in town?”
I hesitated, not sure how he’d react if he knew I was here for good. Hell, I wasn’t sure how I wanted him to respond. This move wasn’t supposed to be about getting another taste of dick, it was about finding myself and figuring out how to live my life out of the last closet I had.
“I just got here this afternoon,” I told him. I wrapped my arms around my torso and curled my shoulders forward, suddenly uncomfortable with being on display. His interest went from scalding hot to icy cold so fast I didn’t know how to act around him now. “It was time for a fresh start, and Sam was kind enough to offer me a place to stay while I figure out what’s next for me.”
“He’s a good kid.” John cleared his throat a few times, his gaze darting over my shoulder every time he heard a noise from downstairs. The poor guy was freaking out about being caught in the hall with a nearly naked gay boy. I wasn’t sure if I felt sorry for him or if it pissed me the hell off. He sure as hell hadn’t been conflicted a few minutes ago.
“I…um…” He twisted the doorknob and stopped in the doorway to the bathroom. “I’m just gonna…”
“You don’t need to make this weird, John,” I scolded him. “I haven’t said anything to anyone, and I’m sure as hell not going to now. I got you off, now you saw me naked, don’t overthink this.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, I disappeared into my room. As soon as the door closed behind me, I leaned against the wall and thumped my head a few times. I was so damn stupid. For the briefest moment, I let myself think John coming upstairs at that exact moment was a sign that I wasn’t the only one who felt the connection between us before.
That obviously wasn’t the case. Now, I had to pretend everything was awesome when I went downstairs, knowing I’d be watching him the entire fucking time. I couldn’t help it; I was a sucker for a bad boy, had a thing for older men, and, unfortunately, was habitually attracted to the ones who were unavailable. John checked all of those boxes.
I took my time getting ready, telling myself it was because I wanted to make a good impression, not because I wanted to show John what he could have if he got his head out of his ass. I was a pro at lying to myself. In the mood I was currently in, I would usually go for super dramatic, fuck the world makeup, but I really did want to make a good first impression on the people who would be part of my little circle by virtue of being Sam’s friends, so I toned things down a bit.
Skinny jeans were a staple of my wardrobe. I loved how they could be paired with Chucks and a tee for a masc look, or with a pretty sweater and cute boots for a more femme flair. Tonight, I opted for the latter. As I sat at my new vanity and unpacked my makeup bag, I decided that I needed to drag my femme side to the forefront for a while. This move was supposed to be about being myself, and the first step was shedding the fear of judgment.
Applying makeup felt almost meditative to me. It was something I used to do in the privacy of my own room, then wipe away without anyone seeing me. It was the only way I could hide the parts of myself I didn’t like and see the me I wished the world could see. Now, they would.
A layer of shimmery pink gloss finished the look. I stared into the mirror and smiled. For the first time in too damned long, my eyes shone with happiness. I was still scared shitless about what was going to happen when I went downstairs, but I could do this. I looked fierce, and if the skin peeking out between my cropped sweater and low riding skinny jeans made a certain man wish he hadn’t freaked on me, all the better.
4
John
The universe obviously fucking hated me. There was no other explanation for my brother confronting me earlier today, and then seeing the very man who had me all twisted around inside. I wasn’t too proud to admit I hid in the bathroom as long as I could without anyone coming up to make sure I was okay so I could get my shit together.
