That didn’t make me feel better. I knew Drew didn’t owe me anything, but it pissed me off to know he’d practically pushed me out of the house last night and then felt well enough to do whatever he and Eric had been in there doing for the past half-hour.
I was fine with casual sex, but that’s never what it’d felt like when I’d thought about Drew. Casual didn’t start with a slow burn and developing a friendship. Jason seemed to sense my internal struggle and draped his arm over my shoulder as he led me to the back of the property.
The wind off the lake gave a bitter chill to the air and I wished we were back inside. Jason didn’t seem to have the same issue, even though he was only wearing a lightweight Henley, compared to my insulated leather jacket.
He came to an abrupt halt and sat in the grass that was still wet from an early morning rain. I stood there staring at him and finally sat when I realized he wasn’t going to give me anything else until I sat next to him.
“There’s a huge house back there and an awesome patio set, and yet you thought it’d be best to sit in the grass and freeze our asses off?” I asked. The cold was doing nothing to improve my irritable mood.
“It’s kind of become a thing over the past few years,” he told me, staring out over the rough water. “Whenever anyone in our group is having a rough time, we come out here. Hell, there was one time when Mason and Sean were still trying to figure out where their relationship was going when they drove up here from Chicago just to talk.”
“Seems a bit extreme if you ask me.” Even though I’d spent most of my life in the same part of the country, I never had a single place I’d go whenever I needed to think. If I was being honest, I was a bit jealous that all these guys had this little bit of peace in their chaotic worlds.
“Perhaps, but it seems to do the trick.” Jason stretched his legs out in front of his body, crossing his ankles as he leaned back. If the cold or damp was affecting him at all, he didn’t show it. “Now, I’m bringing you here because I think you need to start talking.”
“Jason, I know you think you’re being a good friend, but it’s really unnecessary,” I insisted. “Drew’s a great guy, but I’ve never been the type to go after someone who’s interested in someone else.”
“Even if you know you’re the better choice?” Jason challenged.
“Who says I am?” I wasn’t accustomed to feeling insecure, and that just pissed me off even more. “He and Eric have a lot more in common. They know what they’re getting into and won’t get bitchy if they don’t see one another as often as they like. Not to mention, there’s no telling when I’ll be heading back to Portland.”
“Bullshit. I’ve known you long enough to know that you wouldn’t have even kept his number in your phone if you didn’t like him.” That was true. I’d lost count of how many times I’d gotten a guy’s phone number and deleted it from my contacts list before I’d even left the bar. Still, I meant it when I said that I’m not into playing games and I’m man enough to know when it’s time to take a step back.
I shrugged and started picking at the blades of grass next to me. My pants were already soaked through, which was going to make for a long day if Jason kept up with his plan to keep me here. “So what are you suggesting?”
This was uncharted territory for me. And as much as I hated to admit it, Jason’s words were getting to me. I knew there was something about Drew thatwasworth fighting for if I could get past what I’d seen.
“Get your ass back in there and act like nothing’s changed,” Jason suggested as if it were that simple. “If things were different, if Drew wasn’t hurt, I doubt you’d be ripping his clothes off him and shoving him onto the bed. You don’t operate that way when you’re looking for something that’ll last longer than an hour or two. So, you get in there and be a friend just like the rest of us.”
“And if I’m right and you’re wrong?” God, I really wasn’t liking this insecurity at all. It went against everything I stood for.
“Then you’ll figure out how to be happy for him. Look, the one thing I can tell you is that both of those guys have their own issues they’re dealing with. And not that it’ll make you feel any better, but today you’ll get to see both of them spending time with the new partners of the men they were in love with.” That was exactly what I wanted to avoid. I wasn’t in love with Drew, but I couldn’t think of anything less compelling than sitting around watching the two of them growing closer to one another while I was relegated to the position of the third wheel on a bicycle. “If nothing else, you’ll walk out of here tonight with a few new friends.”
No longer able to take the bone-chilling cold, I pushed myself off the grass. I felt better than I had when I walked out of the house, but that had more to do with the company than the scenery. Although, yeah, there was something calming about sitting near the water watching the waves crashing against the rocks below.
“You know, if that’s such a sacred spot for clearing your minds, you might want to consider getting some furniture to put down here,” I suggested as we both brushed off our pants.
“See, you act like any of us think about shit like that,” Jason scoffed. “Seriously, Cam’s always bitching about the obvious shit that goes right over our heads.”
“Sounds like a smart guy, which makes me wonder what he’s doing with someone like you,” I quipped.
Jason threw back his head and laughed. Something lightened in him, and he draped an arm over my shoulder. “I ask myself the same damn thing every day, but I’m sure as hell not about to question it. It’s good to have you back, Bryce.”
“It’s good to be here,” I responded, waving a hand in the general direction of the house. “Even with all the uncertainty.”
“That’ll work itself out. Trust me.”
If only it was that easy.
I followed Jason back into the house and avoided making eye contact with anyone. I was still the outsider, and they’d all seen my jealous outburst. The only people not eying me carefully hadn’t been here when I’d walked out.
Drew looked over at me and had the decency to blush and look away. That should have made me feel better, but it didn’t. It made me feel like an ass because Jason was right. Drew didn’t owe me anything, and it wasn’t his fault that he and I obviously had different ideas on what we were to one another.
I straightened my back and held my shoulders high as I crossed the room to say hello to him. I could feel everyone watching us, but I didn’t let that stop me. “Hey, how are you feeling?”
I wanted to go somewhere a bit more private to talk to him, but didn’t want him getting up if he was comfortable. It would’ve been nice if everyone else could read my mind and suddenly found somewhere else they needed to be.
“Sore as hell, but I’ll live,” he responded. He reached out to me, and I stared at his hand for a moment before realizing he wanted me to help him up.
