for a long time, but it was always this abstract concept that might not ever happen. But now it is…”
“And that’s a lot for you to take in?” Theron offered when I didn’t finish my thought. I nodded
again. He surprised me by pulling me onto his lap so that I straddled his legs. He held me tight and
buried his face against my chest. “Oh, sweetheart. Everything is going to be just fine. Like I said, we
can take things slow so it’s not too much at once.”
That was the last thing I wanted. The slower we went, the more time I’d have to convince myself
this wasn’t real, or that I was just an experiment to him, or he was doing this for me because he felt
sorry for the trans kid who couldn’t find a Daddy to love him. No, if he wanted me to be his boy, I
needed him to pick me up and throw me into the deep end, so to speak.
But for him to do that, he needed to know that’s what I needed. And that meant I needed to be
honest with him. I ignored the rolling feeling in my stomach and swallowed around the lump in my
throat. I sucked in a quick breath and let it out in a huff. I could do this. I wasn’t the scared kid I’d
been when I’d started college.
“Can we not? Please? I know you’re trying to help me, and you don’t want to scare me, but I don’t
think slow is going to work. If I’m going to do this, I need to be all-in, so I don’t have time to talk
myself out of it. The sex stuff might have to wait because that’s different, but if I’m going to be your
boy, I think I need you to just take over and do the things, and I’ll tell you if it’s too intense.” By the
time I got all of that out, I felt lightheaded and out of breath. My shoulders sagged with relief. I’d done
it. I’d told him what I needed. Now, I just had to wait for him to tell me if he was okay with it.
“Are you sure?” Theron slid one hand up my chest, pushing me back slightly so he could look up
at me. “I’m more than willing to dive right in, but only if you’re absolutely certain.”
“I am.” I was proud of how strong I sounded as I said it. Iwascertain. Part of me felt like all that
waiting had been worth it because I had time to consider what I was interested in without anyone
else’s influence. And the crap I’d been through since I first came out, forced me to be a more
confident man, even if I sometimes forgot.
“Okay, then I think we need to talk a little more before I get you changed. One rule I have for
myself is that I never have important talks with my boy when he’s little.” I scrunched up my nose,
knowing that was a rule he’d had with other boys, too. It was stupid and impractical, but I wanted to
be the only boy, not just the current one. “Don’t look at me like that. I promise it won’t be painful.”
“I know, I just… We’ve done a lot of talking already. I don’t want to wait for the good stuff,” I
