“Did not,” I protested. “When I asked her to marry me, I loved her.”At least, on some level.“She was the one person who’d put up with my bullshit and not complain too much about me being gone half the time. It took me a while to see her true colors, and by then it was too late.”
“We all told you Teresa was a bitch, but I do believe that you loved her. Hell, I wouldn’t blame you if part of you still does love her. It’s not like that’s the type of thing you can turn on and off like a light switch.” I’d never known Sean to have anyone in his life for more than a night or two, yet he spoke as if he’d experienced that type of loss. The way he stared blankly at the television rather than make eye contact with me made me wonder if he’d felt that for Eric.
I didn’t want even to think about what their relationship might have been. My jaw hurt from clenching my teeth as images of Eric loving Sean filled my mind. My chest burned with jealousy, thinking about anyone loving Sean.
And that made me feel like a colossal dick because if there was anyone who deserved happiness, it was him.
“But if I’d listened to everyone when they told me how vile she was, maybe I wouldn’t have married her and we wouldn’t be here now.” I didn’t want to talk about this. It was the first time I’d spent any quality time with Sean since before the start of spring training, and I’d rather kick back and relax than talk about my divorce.
“Nah, I think you still would have done it. I really do wonder if you married her partlybecauseeveryone told you not to,” he scoffed.
I glared at him, trying to come up with a witty retort, but my mind drew a blank.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that. Anyone who’s spent fifteen minutes with you knows that you’re about as bull-headed as they come. When someone tells you that you shouldn’t do something, you have a tendency to think it’s your job to prove them wrong.”
“I do not,” I argued, starting to sound like a broken record. I didn’t think I was all that bad.
“Whatever. This is me you’re talking to. Remember that time Rodriguez swore there was no way you could match him shot for shot?”
That night wasn’t one of my finest moments, but I was young and stupid. If it hadn’t been for Sean and our other roommate at the time, I would have wound up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. They stayed by me all night, forcing me to drink so much Gatorade I thought I’d piss blue for a week.
Unfortunately, puking most of the night and trying to rehydrate wasn’t enough to keep me from hurling one final time all over Coach’s feet after he forced me to run sprints. I’m convinced the asshole knew how hungover I was and was trying to teach me a lesson. He probably was.
“That was an isolated incident,” I said incredulously. “I did thatone timeand I learned my lesson.”
“When it came to drinking, yes.” Sean smirked, and I wondered where this trip down memory lane was going to go next. “What about the time you said the water wasn’t that cold when we all went to Barker’s parents’ cabin to celebrate the end of the season before everyone went home for the winter? We all told you it was stupid, but that didn’t stop you from stripping down to your boxers and doing a cannonball off the end of the pier.”
“How was I supposed to know that stupid lake was fed by streams coming down from the mountains?” I argued. “And yeah, it took my balls a month to drop down from somewhere near my lungs, but I survived.”
“Yeah, because I jumped in and saved your ass when you got a leg cramp,” Sean reminded me. “And then both of us had to walk back to the cabin, soaking wet, and wait for Barker to grab us dry clothes because he didn’t want us dripping all over the floor.”
Why did Sean have to bring up that night? Of all the shit I’d ever done, that stunt haunted me over the years.
There was no way I’d ever forget the sight of Sean’s naked body shivering in the moonlight. We were alone and his back was turned to me, and I allowed myself to admire the way his muscles rippled as he ran the towel over his arms and chest. I tried to play it cool, but I finally had to turn away so he wouldn’t see what he was doing to me.
When my marriage hit rock bottom, I’d thought about how much different life would have been if I’d had the balls to reach for him the way I wanted to that night. But I couldn’t, because there were too many people around and I didn’t want to raise suspicions.
And Sean was an honorable man; I was married, so even if the feelings had been mutual, he would have turned me down. And that was a pain I never wanted to feel.
“Okay, I get your point. I’m stubborn and don’t react well when told I can’t do something,” I conceded. “You do realize that that’s a trait some people find admirable, right?”
“Yeah, I do.” Sean looked over at me and my heart stuttered at what I saw.
He stared at me, unblinking, as the tip of his tongue slid across the seam of his lips. And there was something foreign in that glint in his eyes. I was used to him looking at me like I was insane, but this wasn’t that.
It seriously looked like he wanted to push me back on the couch and devour me. I didn’t know how to react to that, so I started flipping through channels on the TV.
I waited until we’d polished off the entire pizza and the dishes were in the sink before confronting Sean about what I assumed was weighing on his mind.
“So, are you still going to tell me you and Eric were just friends?” I asked, handing him a second beer.
I’d switched to soda, on the off chance that he decided he should head back to the hotel. The only thing that’d make today worse was a DUI.
“We were. We are,” he insisted. His gaze bounced around the room, but never in my direction.
“Bullshit. Trades are part of the game. We both know that, and yet Eric leaving managed to get into your head and throw off your game today. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but I know you better than that,” I reminded him.
We’d lived together for the better part of a year, and not once had he been able to pull the wool over my eyes.
