“I didn’t know for sure that I was going to do it until about twenty minutes ago,” he informed me with a casual shrug. He swallowed hard and looked like he was about to puke all over the floor. “I’d been thinking about it for a while, but some shit Ike said to me made the decision easier. And as for the other, I have no clue, but I won’t deny it if I’m asked again. I can’t, Sean.”
He reached out to me and I jerked away. I was so pissed, I couldn’t imagine being in the same room as him for fear I’d say something I couldn’t take back. I’d managed to keep my sexuality a secret for years, and all it took was one minute and a bitter ex-wife to put the final nail in the coffin of my career. Of course, it was easier for Mason, he’d just announced he wasn’t going to play anymore, so it wouldn’t matter to him if people didn’t want him in the locker room with them.
“Atley, get your ass back to the office. Now!” Coach Martinez’s face was beet red and the vein near his temple was bulged and throbbing.
“I’m going to get a workout in while you’re getting your ass handed to you,” I told him. “We’ll talk about this later.” Mason called out to me as I walked away from him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than wave at him over my shoulder.
I pulled my phone of my pocket and saw that I already had five missed calls. Two were from a couple of my teammates and the other three were from Mason’s dad.
The guys could call me all they wanted and I wouldn’t give them any information, but I figured Mr. Atley wouldn’t take too well to being ignored. Since Mason couldn’t exactly ask Coach and Ike to hold on while he took a call, I ducked out a side door to make the call.
“Sean, it’s Bill.” I laughed, wondering who he thought I expected to answer his phone. “Did you know he was going to do that?”
“No, sir. I was just as surprised as everyone else,” I admitted. Mason’s mom was in the background telling Mr. Atley to ask me questions for her, but I couldn’t make out what she wanted to know, not that I had any answers right now. “He’s in with Coach Martinez right now. I won’t know anything else until he’s done, and then he’ll be able to talk to you himself.”
There was a long pause on the line. “And how are you holding up, son?”
“About as well as you’d expect,” I admitted to him. My call waiting kicked in and I saw that it was my father calling me. I knew what he’d have to say about all of this, and didn’t know if I’d ever be ready to hear it, so I ignored the call. “I wish I knew how that woman knew…”
“Well, if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say someone probably overheard something Teresa said and twisted it to fit what they thought would make a good story,” Bill offered. “Look, I know you’re trying to process everything right now, but don’t throw away what you and Mason have. Both of you need to face whatever comes at you there, but you need to do it together. Show everyone that you’re not willing to give up on baseball or each other because of this.”
It seemed so simple to hear him offer the unsolicited advice and I wished it’d be that easy to listen to him. I saw Angel and Rebecca storming down the hall toward me. “Bill, I have a feeling I’m about to have a really uncomfortable conversation of my own. One of us will call you when we’re done. In the meantime, don’t answer the home phone or the door. And if Abi hasn’t already heard, please let her know and keep an eye on her.”
“You don’t have to ask,” Bill assured me. “The two of you are family to us. We’ll do everything we can to help you through this.”
“Angel, Rebecca,” I greeted them as I walked toward their way. “Safe to assume you’d like me to follow you?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” Angel growled. I felt smaller than I had in my entire life. “Boy, your only saving grace is that Mason stepped in it deeper than you did today.”
I noticed that he didn’t question whether she’d been telling him the truth. He knew. Everyone knew. Those who hadn’t would be able to connect the dots and see what they’d been ignoring. “I know, sir.”
“So what do you plan to do?” Rebecca asked.
I didn’t hesitate before answering. “I won’t deny it,” I said with conviction, echoing Mason’s words to me. “I’ll understand if that’s going to create too much hassle for the team to deal with, or if they think it’s for the best if I’m no longer a Maverick, but I won’t turn my back on him.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” I tripped over my feet. Rebecca turned when she heard me stumble, a wicked grin on her face. She motioned for Angel to head to the office so we could talk privately. “Look, I can’t speak for Angel, Coach, or anyone else, but I’m proud of you. It takes courage to face something like this head-on, and it’ll send a message to future players that they don’t have to hide. We’ll get through this meeting and I’ll start putting together an official statement from the team.”
“Okay.” It meant the world to me that I had at least one person from the organization in my corner. Lord knew I was going to need it once Coach got his hands on me. “This is what you do, so I’ll trust you.”
24
Mason
“What in the ever livin’hell was that stunt you pulled out there?” Coach’s southern drawl was more pronounced than I’d ever heard it, and I figured it was only a matter of time before he started throwing furniture across the room. We’d joked after bad games that you knew how pissed Coach was by how thick the accent he studiously tried to hide was, but it wasn’t far from the truth. The way I figured it, he was about thirty seconds from going Incredible Hulk on my sorry ass.
And now that the heat of the moment had passed, I knew I had it coming. Coach had never been anything but good to me, and he deserved to know about my decision before the rest of the world.
“Sir, I’m sorry I didn’t inform you before the press conference,” I apologized, wringing my fingers under the table. “It wasn’t done to intentionally keep the news from you, but as we were walking into that press room, I realized that it’s time for me to hang it up.”
“And you figured you blurting it out like that was the best plan of action?” he seethed. “You know, I’m seriously questioning the qualifications of the doctors up here. It’s apparent to me, a dumb jock, that you have a pretty serious head injury if you’re willing to throw away your career because of one injury.”
“Sir, with all due respect, it’s not about whether or not I’m able to make a full recovery,” I told him. I didn’t bother to tell him that I’d changed my bandage this morning after taking a shower and still had problems with my vision in my left eye. It might be correctable with glasses, but I highly doubt it would ever be what it was, no matter what the doctors say.
But even so, my injury and my vision weren’t the only things I considered when making my decision. It had just as much to do with the fact that the game I used to love had become tedious work. Long ago, I made myself a promise that I’d only play as long as I loved the game, because I watched too many players keep going, trying to live up to the expectations of others when their hearts had left long before. I didn’t ever want to turn into one of those men.
“We both know there’s no way the head office is going to sign off on a contract extension for me after the way my year went,” I admitted to him, ashamed that I let my personal life affect my performance as much as it did. The team paid me a healthy salary, and I failed them. Until I sorted out everything else, I’d be no good to any team.
“Whether that’s true or not, it doesn’t change the fact that you have talent, Atley.” Coach had calmed down enough that he sat at the chair he had been ready to rip apart minutes earlier. “You’re right that it was a tough year for you, but the fact that you recognize that tells me that it’s possible for you to turn it around. I’ve already spent hours fighting with management to get you a one year extension.”
