My warning fell short as I spilled over Sean’s hand and onto my own stomach. Sean momentarily paused before taking up a fevered pace, pounding into me as the muscles in my ass clenched around his length. The sight of Sean’s head thrown back as he screamed my name was one I wished I could see every fucking day from now on.
Sean collapsed on top of me, both of us panting and spent. As he tried to roll to my side, I tightened my grip around his back, not wanting to experience the loss of his warmth.
“You okay?” he asked, running his fingers through my hair as he searched my face for any sign of regret.
“Better than any man has the right to be,” I confessed, arching my back so he could feel my already filling cock.
“Put that thing away,” Sean groaned. “I’m going to be useless for at least a few hours. Remember, some of us had to work today.”
Eventually, Sean rolled to my side and we cuddled on top of the comforter for a quick nap to recharge. Or it would have been quick if we weren’t both utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically. By the time we woke up, the sun was peeking over the horizon and my stomach was growling. I eased out of the bed and shuffled downstairs to start a pot of coffee before waking him for round two.
He came downstairs a few minutes after me, wearing nothing but a pair of flannel lounge pants. I turned away from him to regain control of my raging hormones. It’d be so easy to ignore the past few days—hell, the past month—but we needed to talk.
I leaned back into his embrace when he wrapped his arms around me.
“Are we good?” he whispered in my ear. He was playing dirty. He knew it was impossible for me to think straight with his tongue working the hollow behind my ear. “I know I fucked up before, but I didn’t mean to push you away.”
“I know that,” I assured him, placing my hands over his. “But what I don’t know is why.”
Sean released me and poured himself a cup of coffee. He cocked his head to the side, silently inviting me to join him on the patio. I loved sitting out there with my coffee in the morning, listening to the sounds of birds chirping in the small nature preserve behind his house. I took a seat on the wrought iron love seat and held out my hand to him as he sat next to me.
“That night at Eric’s, you sat there talking about what you wanted in life. When you talked about having a family, you were so animated. I started seeing you as a father, and that scared me,” he admitted.
“Why?”
“Because that’s not something I’ve ever wanted,” he responded. “But you made me think about what it’d be like.”
“And that’s bad?” I asked, growing more confused every time he opened his mouth.
“Um, it is when that’s not really in the cards for me. I’m a ball player. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m not like you, I don’t think about what life will be like when I’m done playing, because I can’t think about that yet.” Sean squeezed my hand tighter as he sipped at his coffee. “And then you talked about how you weren’t sure you wanted to play if it meant moving away, and that was a huge red flag for me. I don’t ever want you resenting me because you walked away.”
And there was the source of his panic. I tried to remember exactly what I’d said to give him the impression I was walking away for him. Whatever I decided to do, he might be a factor in my decision, but it’d be what’s best for me. I turned to face him.
“Sean, I’ve been thinking about retiring since the beginning of the year. It’s not the same as it used to be for me, and there are other things I can do. Other things Iwantto do. And it may be too soon to think about it, but they’re things I want to do with you by my side.”
“See, that’s what scares me,” Sean admitted. “You say shit like that, and you seem so certain of what you want. What happens if you wake up someday and realize that you want what you want, even if I’m not ready?”
These moments when Sean let down his guard enough to show me he wasn’t as in control as he’d like the world to believe were priceless. I knew he’d spent so much of his life holding back his fears because of how his family would use his doubts against him. Whether he’d admit it or not, it was a sign that he trusted me implicitly.
“Then we’ll talk about it,” I promised him. “The way I see it, the only way we’re bound to fail is if we can’ttalkwhen something’s upsetting one of us.”
“I can deal with that.” When he looked at me, the clouds of doubt had cleared from his eyes. My tongue traced across my lower lip, imagining everything I’d like to do to him. If there’d been any doubts about whether or not this was simply a phase for me or experimentation, they were erased by the thoughts of everything Sean could teach me.
18
Mason
A bitof the excitement I used to experience came back when I walked through the tunnel to the dugout after my doctors cleared me to play. I’d done my fifteen-day sentence on the DL, plus another three as the team’s unofficial cheerleader before being allowed to get on the field.
We won those three, plus the last two leading up to the break, so I was in a damn good mood as I jumped into the Jeep to head for Milwaukee. Sean had one last game to play before we’d have a few days to kick back and relax.
I had expected him to be upset when he hadn’t been selected for the All-Star roster, but he’d barely even flinched. When I pressed him to explain his change of heart, he admitted that he and Jason had had a pretty heavy conversation about how sometimes, baseball wasn’t all there was to life. I was still curious about that, but quickly figured out that it was a private conversation and he wasn’t about to betray Jason’s trust.
We’d talked about using the break to get out of town, but after the incident with Teresa letting herself into my condo, plans changed. Abi had spent the past week at my place, sorting, packing, and labeling all of my stuff before moving it into storage. When Sean suggested me moving in with him, I hesitated for a moment, thinking it was too soon, but finally relented.
I meant it when I told him I couldn’t see sharing my life with anyone but him, and this was a way I could show him my sincerity. Since he lived south of the city, it wasn’t an atrocious drive to Chicago when the Bulldogs were at home and it meant I wouldn’t have to continue paying for a place that sat empty every night since we’d worked out our issues.
We’d go down in the morning to oversee the movers and pack what needed to go to Sean’s into the bed of his pickup. The next day, we’d head to Eric’s for what he referred to as the consolation barbecue, which was a party for all of us who weren’t playing in the All-Star Game and didn’t have wives or kids to spend the day with.
