I wondered about that comment, but figured it’d be unwise to bring it up. One of the few things that truly pissed off my dad was trying to change the subject. And right now, the topic on the table was the fact that he’d caught me and Sean making out in the kitchen.
“Whatisn’twrong about what you saw? Sean’s my best friend. He has been since I was drafted and moved in with him.”
What I didn’t tell my dad is that I was pretty much a cold-hearted shit to Sean back then about his sexuality. Sean had every right to question what he knew then versus now when we were talking last night.
I used to tell him repeatedly that I was cool with it as long as he didn’t come on to me. That was the only way I knew of to protect my secret.
The few times I had heard him bring a guy back to the apartment when our other roommate was gone for the night, I’d wanted to punch something. It was torture to listen to another man screaming in ecstasy, wishing it were me.
“I think you’re going to have to dig a bit deeper than that, Mason,” Dad pressed. I looked up at him and saw that he’d relaxed a bit and now had his arms crossed over his broad chest. “Because if that’s the only logic you’re using to say that what you were doing is wrong, then I may have failed you as a parent.”
“How can you say that?” I demanded, shoving back from the table to pace around the kitchen. “You and Mom have always been awesome. Hell, even now the guys give me shit, telling me they wish their own parents were more like the two of you.”
“Well, it seems to me that you’re saying it’s wrong to fall in love with your best friend, and I would think that’s exactly who you’re supposed to be with.” I shook my head, wondering when I’d fallen into some alternate universe where my father was encouraging me to be with Sean.
“I’m not in love with him,” I protested, a little too quickly. “Hell, what you walked in on was one night. That’s all.”
I wanted it to be more, and Sean said that’s what he wanted as well, but I still couldn’t let myself think that’d work out. My divorce wasn’t even final, so I had no place starting another relationship, no matter how great it could be.
Besides, even if I had all the faith in the world that we’d find a way past the schedules that’d keep us states apart for most of the year, one night couldn’t turn lust into love.
“Bullshit,” he countered, staring me down. “Not once did I see you look at Teresa the way you were looking at him, which I do think is quite telling. Son, sit down. It’s time for you to cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on.”
So, I did.
For the next hour, I told my father about the crush I’d had on Sean when we first met and how I pushed him away after he came out to me, all because I wanted to play it safe.
I told him how unhappy I’d been for a long time. I admitted to him that it didn’t crush me when I thought Teresa was cheating, or even once the proof was plastered all over the Internet, and how it was a relief because it gave me a way out.
We talked about how my performance this year sucked because I was constantly obsessing over this divorce, which was taking longer than I’d like to be finalized.
Wedidn’ttalk much about this morning’s events, but I figured I’d given him enough to chew on for one morning.
I’d been so caught up in my own tornado of drama that it didn’t even dawn on me that my mother was conspicuously absent throughout this humiliating ordeal.
“Um, Dad… where’s Mom?” I asked, my mind jumping to conclusions up to and including her hearing Sean scream my name and her collapsing on the kitchen floor. Yes, I tended to get a bit melodramatic when I was stressed out.
“When I realized it was going to be a peculiar day, I did the only thing I could think of in order to shelter her,” he told me.
I cocked an eyebrow, wondering why he felt the need to protect her. Then, I considered how uncomfortable this talk with my dad would have been had she been around.
She wouldn’t have said anything hateful, that’s not her style, but she would have rather been anywhere but here. For all her talk about free love and peace, Ginny Atley wasn’t the type of woman who wanted to know about her son’s sex life.
“She’s going to a spa for the day, but she’s sitting at the coffeehouse next door until they open. And before you tell me I shouldn’t have spent the money, you should know that I didn’t. I used your credit card.”
I didn’t want to think about what that was going to cost, but even without needing some man-to-man time with Dad, I wouldn’t question any expense for my mom. She’d done so much for me over the years, I’d never complain about Dad spending my money to treat her occasionally.
“That probably wasn’t a bad idea,” I conceded. I wrung my hands beneath the table. The conversation hadn’t been nearly as bad as I thought it’d be, but it still wasn’t a great way to start the day. “Are we done here? We need to get something to eat, and then I have to get Sean back to his hotel.”
“Yeah, I think you’ve been through enough for one morning.” I stood, ready to be anywhere but sitting across from him while I tried to make sense of the swinging pendulum that was my morning so far. “Mason, one more thing before you go…”
“Yeah?” I turned to face him and saw the concern on his face. I hated making my parents worry about me, but I was good at it thanks to my tendency to go into everything I did with abandon.
“Be careful, son,” he advised me. “The two of you both have a lot on the line, and I can’t think of many ways for the deck to be stacked more against you than it already is. Just…pay attention to both your head and your heart. You’re both good kids and I’d hate to see either of you get hurt.”
5
Sean
