“Why this weekend?” Zach didn’t sound opposed, so much as sleepy and confused. I couldn’t blame him since it was after two in the morning.
“Chase wants everybody to go to the fall festival. He seemed nervous about inviting us, but maybe…”
“Is that because of…” Daniel’s question faded, and Zach stiffened in front of me. He'd asked a few times what the deal was with Chase and Jayden, but we'd kept putting him off, not wanting to tell their secrets. But maybe if he knew about them, it would make it easier for him to see they didn't have a leg to stand on when it came to us.
“Yeah, I am pretty sure Chase wants some little time. Matt, too.”
“What the hell is little time?”
I drew my knees to my chest while I tried to figure out how to explain things to Zach without betraying anyone's trust.
“You know how you like it when we tell you what to do?” I wouldn’t go so far as to say the word submission to Zach. It was stupid, but until he was more comfortable in his own skin, I’d continue to skirt around reality.
“Yeah. I still don't really get that,” Zach scoffed. His submission was something he still struggled with, but every time we offered to back off, he got all grumpy. He didn't know why it was something he needed, but he did.
“It's kind of like that,” I explained. “Not exactly the same, but similar. They'll have to decide how much they're okay with you knowing, but trust me, if they try to give us shit for the three of us being together, I'll put my brother in his place. It's not up to him to determine how I live my life. And if I have to choose between pissing him off in the short-term or hiding how I feel about the two of you, then he's just going to have to go pout in his corner and talk to me when he gets over it.”
“And you think doing this when were all out in public is a good thing?” Daniel seemed uncertain, but he was willing to hear me out.
“I think it's perfect,” I insisted. “We’ll just let them see the three of us interacting together, just like they do with each other. If we act like it’s no big deal, then why should anyone else? I’ve been wondering if hiding is making it more of an issue that anything. Plus, they won't be able to cause a scene when we’re all out in public together.”
“That sounds like a good idea to me,” Daniel agreed. He pushed me back to the mattress, draping an arm over my chest and a leg over both of mine to keep me from sitting up again. Zach mirrored his position, and I surrendered, knowing I would be a sweaty mess by morning. “Now, can we please get some sleep?”
Yeah, sleep felt like a good idea. And now that I knew I wouldn't be lying to my brother for much longer, I was able to tamp down some of that guilt and drift off between the two men I was in too deep with to let go. I wasn't at the point of saying I was in love with them or anything, but we were definitely headed down that path.
* * *
Saturday afternoon,I felt restless and fidgety. Zach was finishing a lunch shift at the restaurant and Daniel was at a study group. When they came home, the seven of us would be loading up into our cars to spend the night at a local fall festival that Jayden's uncle was helping with.
After finishing and turning in a paper that was due by Sunday night, I wandered down to Chase’s room to see what he was up to. Like me, he was on his own for the day because Jayden was picking up some hours at The Lodge, helping his uncle get ready to reopen the more hardcore side of the club. Most of the time, Chase went with him but today he’d stayed home. I was grateful for a little time where it could be just the two of us.
“Are you sure you're okay?” Chase pulled me down on the bed next to him. “If you need help with your homework, you know I’ll do whatever I can, right? I can’t write your papers or anything, but I’m pretty good at proofreading, just ask any of the guys.”
“No, it's nothing like that.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. It wasn't fair to Chase to find out I was dating Zach and Daniel at the same time as everyone else. They were all friends, even playfully called one another brothers at times, but we were different. We were actual siblings. And he deserved to know the truth. If Zach or Daniel wanted to be upset at me about that later, I’d explain my rationale to them.
“There's something I wanted to talk to you about.” I picked at the hem of my shirt. Chase draped his arm over my shoulder, pulling me close to his side. We probably looked ridiculous because, while he was older than me, I dwarfed him.
“That sounds ominous.” Chase pulled his knees up to his chest and began rocking gently. I felt like a tool for making him worry.
“It’s nothing bad,” I reassured him, hoping like hell he’d feel the same once I came clean. “I know you worried about me meeting somebody now that I don't have to worry about mom and dad judging me…”
He wasn't relentless about it but, every once in a while, he'd drop hints about how I needed to put myself out there, and I was even worse at being a hermit than he was. He knew I hadn’t been happy living under our parents’ roof, and he’d been starting to notice that I wasn’t eager to go out and party now that I’d had a taste of freedom.
“Did you finally start seeing someone?” My gut tightened at the genuine smile he flashed me. He wanted to be happy for me, but I wasn’t sure he would be once he knew…
I swallowed hard, wringing my hands. “Yeah, I've been dating. It wasn't something I planned on, but things are going well.”
Chase rested his hand on my thigh. “Then I'm happy for you. Are we going to meet whoever it is soon?”
I loved that my brother didn't assume one gender or the other.
“You actually already have,” I admitted. My stomach turned, and I was glad I hadn't eaten a heavy lunch. The lump in my throat grew thick and heavy, making it difficult to breathe.
When I glanced at Chase, his brow was furrowed, and I could almost picture him trying to figure out who he would have met that I’d be interested in. With him being so far ahead of me, we didn't have any classes together and I never brought anyone back to the suite.
“Is it Justice?”
I barked out a laugh. Justice was a roommate in name only. I would be shocked if he even knew any of our names. It wasn't my place, so I didn't pry, but that dude had some shit going on. He obviously didn't want to be trapped in the suites, based on the few conversations I'd overheard the first few days of the semester. I was pretty sure he only stopped by often enough to pick up his mail and swap out his clothes. When he did, he was always sneering at me like I was shit on the bottom of his shoe, or his shoulders were curled in like he was trying to make himself as small as possible so I didn’t notice him. And I shouldn't complain because it basically meant I had a room to myself.
