“Who's the lucky guy?”
I'd never talked about guys with Chase, so it caught me off-guard when he didn’t assume it was a girl. I nearly let the standard lie fall from my lips before I remembered that Ihadcome out to him, unlike the rest of the family.
“Oh, it's nobody you'd know. Somebody from one of my classes.” I hated lying to him, but he’d lose his damn mind if he knew I was going on a date withtwoof his friends.
“You have condoms, right?”
Heat flared in my cheeks. “Yes,Dad. And if I didn't, I’d go out and buy some rather than asking my brother for a hand-out. God, that would be horrifying.”
“Oh, I don't have any,” he scoffed.
“Chase, what the fuck do you mean you don't have any condoms? I know damn well you and Jayden are fucking like bunnies,” I scolded him. He was the responsible kid; he was the one our parents didn’t worry about when he said he wanted to go to school away from home. And now, he was admitting he’s been having unprotected sex.
“You’re not wrong there. But here's a little secret…” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure nobody was coming up behind him and cupped his hands over his mouth like he was about to share some sort of top-secret information with me. “When you settle down and find that one special boy, and you love each other very, very much, there are things you can do so you don't have to keep suiting up. I highly recommend it.”
I playfully backhanded his shoulder. “You're ridiculous. But I'll keep that in mind.”
I really hated that he’d put that idea in my head. Now all I could think about was being with Zach and Daniel long enough to talk about ditching the condoms. I wanted to know what it would feel like to push into Zach's ass using Daniel's cum as lube. I wondered how many times both of us could take him before his hole couldn’t hold another drop of cum. We could spend the entire weekend filling him, taking turns, and plugging him when we needed a break.
“I don't even want to know what that look on your face is about,” Chase teased. “Just promise me that until you're serious about someone, you won't go there.”
“What I promise you is that if you keep trying to have the birds and bees talk with me, you might learn more about my sex life than you really want to know.”
Chase twisted his fingers in front of his mouth as if locking his lips together. Probably a good idea. I chatted with my brother for a few minutes, feeling bad about ditching him when he wanted to hang out.
I could always call the guys and tell them to start without me…
“What time do you have to meet this mystery man?”
I checked the time on my phone. “I need to get going soon. You sure you're cool if I take off?”
“I'm not your keeper, Colin.” He shooed me toward the door, walking behind me. “I know mom and dad wanted me to make sure you didn’t get in trouble when you didn’t have them hovering over you, but you’ve got this. I’m proud of how focused you’ve been.”
“Gee, thanks.” Chase laughed as he walked me to the door.
“If you need someone to rescue you, call me,” he offered. If I had been going on a first date, maybe with someone like Landon, it would be good to know I wasn’t stuck in a situation I wasn’t comfortable with. But this was Zach and Daniel; I wouldn’t need my older brother to save me.
“You don't have plans with Jayden tonight?” I glanced into their bedroom, seeing Chase’s Pika and blankie on the beanbag. He’d be horrified if he knew I knew what that was about.
“He'd understand,” Chase promised me. “But I hope you don't have to call because I want you to have fun. You might be more of a bookworm than I was, and I didn't think that was possible.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I scoffed. My dedication had little to do with academic goals and everything to do with wanting to prove to mom and dad that I could thrive without them watching over me.
* * *
To anyone we passed,we probably looked like nothing more than buddies enjoying a fall afternoon in the park. We strolled along one of the trails, all of us carefully avoiding the topic I knew was on all of our minds. But we couldn't ignore it forever. What surprised me most was when Zach was the one to mention the so-called elephant in the room.
“What exactly are we doing? I know you guys worry about rushing things, but seriously, I feel like I’ve had a permanent case of blue balls since the beginning of whatever this is,” he complained. I felt his pain. It was torture going to sleep every night, knowing the guys I’d thought about while I jerked off were just on the other side of the wall. I wondered if they had done anything when I wasn’t with them, but I didn’t think so. Daniel had been pretty insistent that there would be no one-on-one action until we’d talked about it.
That needed to happen. Soon. Even if I knew where Daniel stood—he was definitely in favor of us continuing in whatever configuration felt right—that didn’t mean it was a given that Zach would feel the same.
Testing the waters, I reached down to slip my fingers through his. I looked past him to Daniel, who was looking back at me. Neither of us said a word. This wasn't going to help us, so I took a leap of faith. “I know when I brought up the idea to you guys, I said it was just going to be fooling around and never really considered anything beyond that first day. And then everything felt sobig. It didn't take long for me to realize I was in over my head.”
“Same,” Daniel agreed. “And, no matter how much I tell myself it doesn't have to be anything serious, I feel sick to my stomach when I start thinking of all the ways this could end badly.”
“Then don't think about it,” Zach suggested. If only it was that simple. And how the hell was he the calm one of the three of us? “Aren’t you the one who’s told me I’ll never get what I want if I’m already thinking about how things are going to go wrong? Look, you guys are both making way too big of a deal out of this. So, things might not work out. Would that really make us any different from most college kids? How many people actually leave home expecting to find their soul mate while getting a college degree?”
He was being way too logical about everything. “But what if we try this and it doesn't work,” I countered. “It's not like we can avoid one another the rest of the school year. You're just starting to get along with the guys again. I don't want them to have to pick sides if we can't stand to be around one another.”
