I lowered my head when I saw Chase and Jayden up ahead. There would be time to catch up with them, but I seriouslyneededto get to a restroom. They probably thought I was a complete dick when they called out to me and I rushed past them with nothing more than a wave. Oh well, couldn’t be any worse than how we parted ways last year. And I had earned every glare and shitty comment from Jayden. Hell, if he’d beaten me to a pulp, I’d have accepted that, too, because no one deserved the way I’d treated his boyfriend.
I needed to apologize. A whole fucking lot. Not because anyone expected it of me, but because I really did want this year to go better. That included reconnecting with the guys who’d been my friends since our freshman year and maybe getting to know the new guys.
2
Colin
“Don’t take this personally,but I need to be as far away from you as possible,” I told Chase as we waited for the elevator to return to the ground floor. I wasn’t happy about being forced to share a suite with my older brother, but I also wasn’t going to be a dick about it. I knew damn well that most freshmen would give their right nut not to be stuck in a shitty ass dorm. That didn’t mean I wanted to hear what Chase and his boyfriend, Jayden, got up to.
“No offense taken.” It seemed like Chase breathed out a sigh of relief, as if he wasn’t happy either. “The good news is the four room suites are pretty big. We won’t even have to see one another if you’d rather forget that you’re stuck rooming with me. I don’t want you feeling like I’m babysitting you.”
That was exactly what our parents were hoping for. As far as they were concerned, I was too irresponsible to live on my own. They would have much rather I enrolled in community college so I could have stayed under their roof and under their thumbs. But that’s not why I didn’t want to be close to Chase. If anything, I honestly thought this might be a good thing for the two of us. Without both of us resentful about watching our siblings, I hoped it would give us a chance to get to know one another as something close to equals.
“Eh, I doubt I’ll go that far.” Jayden offered me a friendly smile as I pulled Chase against my side. Our parents weren’t sure what to think about Jayden because Chase was different when his boyfriend was around, but I knew that was because he was genuinely happy. Jay was a good guy, and I was hoping to get to know him better. “All I’m saying is, Ireallydon’t need to know what my big brother sounds like when he’s behind closed doors with his boyfriend.”
“And I’m sure you’d rather not have me eavesdropping when you bring girls home,” he teased. I cringed. Jayden quirked an eyebrow, as if silently asking if I was ready to tell my brother there wouldn’t be any girls.
I swallowed hard. It wasn’t like my brother would judge me if I came out to him. If anything, it might help him realize he wasn’t alone. My concern wasn’t for today; being in Annandale felt like finally being able to breathe. I didn’t have to hide myself from our parents. They’d struggled when Chase came out and, right or wrong, I worried how they’d react when they realized another son wasn’t going to be the first to marry a nice girl and start a family. The silence grew awkward and Jayden gave me a thumbs-up.
I could do this.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want you getting jealous if I can make a guy moan better than Jayden can,” I quipped. Chase spat out the water he’d just taken a sip of. His eyes were nearly bugging out of his head when he finally looked up at me. I threw my hands in the air. “Surprise! You’re not the only gay Kepler kid.”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Chase threw his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug.
“Maybe, but it wasn’t time. I didn’t want to come out until I wasn’t living at home,” I admitted.
“You could have, you know,” Chase reassured me. “Mom and Dad won’t be mad at you when you tell them. But the longer you wait, the more it’s going to seem like you were hiding something from them.”
“That’s not what I was doing.” If anything, I wanted some room to spread my wings so I could explore my feelings. Chase might have been the only one in our family who was surprised when he came out. I saw how painful that was for him when he tried dating girls in high school, and I’d decided it was better for me to wait until I left home to dip my toes in the dating waters. Brooksville didn’t exactly have a thriving gay community.
I just wanted to be sure before I said anything. I wasn’t like Chase. Our family looked at me and thought I was a dumb jock wannabe. We couldn’t afford sports, so I spent my afternoons in the weight room at school. It was something I could do that was just for me.
“Hey, I wasn’t trying to upset you,” Chase said as the elevator doors opened. We stepped to the side to let the parents and students out. Chase held the door open as Jayden and I loaded our first stack of totes and luggage. He didn’t say anything else until the doors closed and we began our jerky lift to the fifth floor. “You could have toldme, at least.”
“I know, but I wasn’t ready.”
“You can’t fault him for that, Chase,” Jayden interjected. “The last thing he needs right now is you making him feel like shit because he didn’t come out on your timeline.”
“I know, Daddy.” Chase buried his face against Jayden’s chest. It was still weird as fuck to hear him refer to his boyfriend asDaddy, but I was getting used to it. And it was sort of sweet, too. I was jealous of the connection they shared. It wasn’t something I wanted for myself, but Ihopedto eventually have someone look at me the way Chase looked at Jayden. I wanted to earn that level of trust. Chase turned his face to look at me. “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. That wasn’t what I was trying to do.”
I stepped closer, resting a hand on Chase’s shoulder. “I know you weren’t. And I wasn’t trying to keep secrets.”
“Do you have a boyfriend back home?” he asked warily.
I shook my head, biting back a laugh. “Nah, you know as well as I do that shit would never fly back there. But maybe that’ll change. Who knows, maybe I’ll follow in your footsteps and fall for my roommate.”
“It definitely makes things more convenient,” Jayden murmured, pressing a kiss to Chase’s hair. Fuck, they were so sweet I could almost feel cavities forming. “But I still wouldn’t recommend it. When it works, it’s awesome, but there’s nothing worse that crushing on someone who has no clue you’re interested.”
There was a story there, but I wasn’t sure what it was. All I knew was half the people in our suite were in relationships with their roommates. Two couples, and then the rest of us. That made me nervous because, as Jayden said, it was only a good thing if your relationship was stable.
“I was just playing,” I scoffed as the elevator doors opened. I hefted a stack of totes and stalked off toward the room without checking to see if the guys were behind me. I’d been stuck with the lovebirds for the drive up here from Brooksville, and I needed to get away from them before jealousy made it impossible for me to breathe. “Besides, I’m pretty sure you and your buddies have already busted the law of averages for the number of gay guys randomly meeting and sharing living quarters.”
Chase and Jayden shared a pointed look. I wasnotgoing to ask what that was all about. Even if theywerein the gayest suite in the building, hooking up with someone that close to home wasn’t what I needed. Yes, I wanted to explore my sexuality and sow some oats but, more than that, I wanted to bust my ass so I would never wind up back in Brooksville working a dead-end job. That was what my family expected of me, because I hadn’t been the most studious kid in high school, and I was determined to prove them wrong.
Chase unlocked the suite and held the door for Jayden and me to pass. Jayden didn’t bother checking out the suite before putting his stack of totes in the first bedroom on the left. That decision made, I wandered deeper into the suite to see how far I could get from them.
While we hadn’t grown up in poverty, it was a bit sad that my first adventure into adulthood felt like luxury accommodations. Then again, that might have been partly due to the lack of marker on the walls and toys strewn over every surface. I paused in the middle of the common area and closed my eyes to savor the silence. It wouldn’t last with eight of us sharing space, but for a minute, it was—
