I paused before opening the bedroom door and turned back to Zach. “I mean it. If anything gets to be too much for you, tell me.”
Zach nodded in reply.
“I'm serious, Zach. I need to hear your words. Tell me you aren't going to gut through this the same way you did that horrible sex you had last night.”
“Fuck you,” Zach scoffed. “You just had to bring that shit up, didn't you?”
“Figured it might help you remember why seeing how the other half lives might not be such a bad idea after all,” I teased.
Zach playfully kicked me in the ass as we stepped out of the bedroom to where Colin was waiting across the hall. He smirked, making sure both of us knew that he was standing there listening in on every word. One thing was for damn sure, we were going to have to be really fucking careful about what we did until we were ready for the entire damn suite to know about us.
7
Zach
I wasn'tsure if I wanted to punch Colin in the face or throw him against the nearest wall and kiss him until we were both breathless. Hitting him seemed like the reaction that was expected of me, but as I sat across from him in the diner, I found I couldn't keep from staring at his mouth. The truth was, I couldn't even be as pissed off at him as I was at myself. I knew better than to let him get too close.
Since the moment he moved into the suite, he'd been watching every little thing everyone did. I could almost picture him mentally cataloging the things none of us realized he could see, just waiting for the moment he could use that information against us. Except nothing about Colin struck me as vindictive. In some ways, that was even worse. He knew things about me, I'd never planned on sharing with anyone, and now he'd used that to weasel his way into Daniel's mind.
I wasn't sure why I hadn't shut Daniel down when he admitted to him and Colin planning some sort of kinky fuckery for the three of us. I’d gotten a little too good over the past few years at insisting to anyone who would listen that I wasn't into dick. I’d been an asshole to anyone who got too close to the truth, worried they’d somehow see the real me I kept hidden away. But all it took was one conversation I wasn’t meant to hear, and I couldn’t lie to Daniel anymore.
And, hell, maybe I wasn't into dudes. It wasn't as if I had done a lot of experimentation to know for sure. But Daniel was right; girls weren't doing anything for me this year. Last night, I’d barely been able to stay hard long enough for her to get off, and the only thing that saved me from utter mortification was the fact she'd been tipsy enough she believed me when I told her I came.
I hadn't.
The noises that girl made as she climaxed reminded me of someone popping a hole in a balloon, then stretching it so the latex made a high-pitched squealing noise as the air escaped. I quickly pulled on my jeans as I slipped on my shoes, barely taking the time to button up as I bolted from her apartment.
I’d driven around campus for almost an hour before coming home, trying to block out the images of the night I’d barely restrained myself from crossing the line. When I came home, Daniel and Colin were still hanging out, and I’d rushed past them on my way to the shower, needing to scrub off any remnants of my latest failed attempt to forget about how he made me feel.
Would my experience with guys be any different? If fantasizing about my buddy wasn’t confirmation I wasn’t as straight as I tried to play it, I didn’t know what was.
I zoned out as Daniel told Colin about the different houses we’d helped build over the past couple of years. He was so damn passionate about helping those in need. I studied him, realizing that it was his heart that had first chipped away at my wall of denial. His eyes sparkled when he talked about making sure no one ever went through the shit he dealt with as a kid.
For all of our similarities, this was one place where we were polar opposites. Neither of us came from wealthy families, but where I'd allowed my dad's struggles to eat away at me like acid, Daniel's family propelled him to do something good in the world. He was determined to get good enough grades for grad school so he could eventually become a social worker. I didn’t know what in the fuck I was supposed to do. My entire plan was to get a degree of some sort, so I never had to go back to the shithole town I called home.
Someone as good as him didn't deserve an asshole like me. He should be with someone who could be proud to be seen in public with him without worrying that someone might get the wrong idea, especially when their impression wasn't wrong at all. Someone who would be by his side, giving him their full attention without a toxic voice in the back of their mind accusing them of ruining everything they touch.
Colin was perfect for Daniel, as much as I hated to admit it.
And I was just selfish enough to take what they offered for as long as they were willing to let me in between them. I’d worry about picking up the pieces when they fell stupidly in love and gave me the boot. Maybe then I’d figure out what it was about me that was so damn broken and hope I wasn’t too shattered to fix.
“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” I jumped, my knees banging against the bottom of the chipped laminate tabletop, sloshing coffee over the rim of my mug. Guess I wasn’t doing a very good job of playing it cool. When I tried pulling my arm from under Daniel’s hand, he dug his fingertips into my skin. I wanted to demand he let me go, but I also didn’t ever want him to stop touching me.
I swallowed hard when I glanced up and saw the soft expression on his face. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
I glanced at Colin. He wouldn’t meet my gaze. Suddenly, there was something fascinating in the parking lot. He was trying to give us a bit of privacy, as much as he could being stuck on the inside of the booth. If he’d been sitting on the aisle, I imagined he would have made some bullshit excuse to run away so Daniel and I could work through the building tension.
“You don’t normally zone out like that,” Daniel observed. He stared at me, lifting his eyebrows before shifting his eyes toward Colin. Daniel cocked his head to the side, frowning. I’ve known him long enough to read the question he wasn’t asking.
I flashed him a smile that I knew wasn’t convincing.
Everything’s fine, that forced smile said.Really, it isn’t weird at all that the two of you were discussing my sexuality behind my back.
Things were stilted after that, to the point I nearly asked Daniel to run me back to campus. Spending the entire day with the two of them was a disaster waiting to happen. One of us was bound to do something to piss off the others. My money was on me because, if there had been an award for it, I would’ve been voted most likely to do or say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
I wasn’t sure how long our staring contest continued before Colin cleared his throat. I looked at him and he sat up straighter, leaning forward so no one would overhear whatever he was about to say.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” he apologized. “Chase is always telling me I’m too damn bossy for my own good. He’s not wrong, but there are times when I need to reel it in a bit.”
