He backed away from the closet and his shoulders slumped forward. I hopped out of the desk chair and wrapped my arms around his waist. He was practically vibrating. I led Brandon to his bed and held his hands as he sat down. He released me and gripped my hips, then pressed his forehead against my stomach. He let out a deep breath and I swore I could feel the tension leaving his body.
“You don't have to tell me what we’re doing. I'm sure whatever it is will be awesome.”
He looked up at me and my heart lunged. “I’m trying to be what you need, Matty. But maybe I'm no good at this.”
“Are you kidding me?” I dug the tips of my fingers into his shoulders and pushed him backwards. I straddled his lap, pinning him to the mattress. I combed my fingers through his hair. “You have done everything right so far. I know it hasn't been easy for you, but I honestly couldn't ask for anything. Sometimes, I feel like I'm pushing you too hard. Don't you get it? Yes, I've been hiding out because I'm buried up to my eyeballs in make-up work, but that's not all of it.”
“Then what is it? Tell me so we can work through it together. We can't hold anything back, even when it's uncomfortable and we’re worried about what the other person is going to think.” That was almost verbatim what Jayden kept telling both of us. He was like our personal kinky tutor, helping us navigate our way through everything.
“I don’t want you to think this is all or nothing for me,” I admitted. “Yes, there are times I like it when you take care of me but then I feel guilty, too. Because that’s all for me.”
Brandon ran his hands up and down my thighs, soothing me. “You don't ever have to feel guilty for telling me what you need. Whatever it is, we will talk it through and figure out what to do.”
“But how am I supposed to tell you when I want to be little and when I just want to kick back and spend some time with my boyfriend? It feels weird having to split myself into these two separate people, but I don't think I can pick just one or the other.”
“You don't have to,” Brandon assured me. “Look at Jayden and Chase. Chase doesn't spend all of his time little, does he?”
“No, but I don't know that I even need as much from you as he does from Jayden. Then, when I start thinking about it more, I feel like maybe it was all just me being confused. Like, maybe I thought the little thing was something I needed but it's not.”
“Okay, we can work with this.” Brandon's lips drew tight together, the way they always did when he was trying to study. It was his thinking face. “How did it feel when you got to stay little for a few days?”
“Good, but that might have just been because I was sick and miserable. You know, kind of like how when you're sick and all you want is your mom to come and take care of you,” I explained. I had always been needy and clingy when I was sick.
“That makes sense,” he agreed. “But I have to tell you, no matter how sick I've been, not once have I wanted to curl up with a blankie and chew on a pacifier.”
My cheeks flushed bright red. I still had the binky Chase had given me stuffed in a drawer. And yeah, there'd been a few times when I knew Brandon wasn't going to be home that I pulled it out and popped it into my mouth while I studied. I’d scoffed when Chase had first given it to me, but as soon as I popped it into my mouth, I calmed, and was able to drift off to sleep. When I was studying, it gave me something to have in my mouth besides gnawing on the corners of my nails. It was this itty-bitty reminder that I didn’talwayshave to stay big.
Fuck. Now that we were talking about this, I was even more confused than before.
Brandon brushed my cheek with his thumb, cupping the back of my neck. “Baby, the look on your face says it all. You're conflicted about this, but you don't need to be. Yes, I was uncertain if I could be that type of Daddy for you when you first brought it up, but you being sick brought a lot of things into focus for me, too.
“There's something powerful about seeing you that dependent on me to take care of you. You were able to let go of everything you thought you were supposed to be and trust me to give you everything you needed. If it was good for you then, don't deny yourself that now that you're feeling better.”
“But it doesn't have to be all the time?”
“Absolutely not,” he confirmed. “And I don't think it has to be something where you come up to me and state your intentions. What if it was something as simple as when you call me Daddy, I'll know you're feeling little, and the rest of the time we’re just Brandon and Matt.
The answer was so simple, I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it myself. This is why I needed him. Well, one of the many reasons. “So, who is going on this date? Is it Daddy and Matty time or is it Brandon and Matt’s big adventure?”
“Which would you prefer? Today is about getting you out of the house so you can relax for a bit, so it's up to you.”
“I don't know,” I whined. “I feel like I'm in this floaty space between little and big. Both definitely have their advantages. And you know what you wanted to do, so I don’t want to pick wrong and make you change plans.”
“Would it be easier for you if, just for today, I pick?” he offered. I let out a deep breath. That wasexactlywhat I needed. I nodded as I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. “In that case,Daddyis going to find an outfit for you to wear. While I'm doing that, I want you to go shower and shave. If you're a good boy today, maybe we'll see about having some Matt and Brandon time later tonight.”
“But my homework,” I protested. I glared over my shoulder at the stack of textbooks precariously perched on the edge of my small desk. “I'm not saying I don't want to go along with whatever you have planned, but I really do need to get my work done.”
“But you're going to trust that Daddy knows best, right?” Brandon quirked an eyebrow and started tickling my sides. He moaned as I squirmed higher on his lap, grinding against his thickening erection. He swatted my hand away as I moved to cup his dick. “Not now, Matty. If you do what you're told, I promise you'll get as much of that as you want tonight.”
“Are you sure you're up for that?” I teased. It'd been too long since we'd been intimate. Between me being sick, his class schedule, and then me burying myself to get caught up, there hadn't been time for anything more than sleeping by the time we fell into bed at the end of the night. “In case you forgot, I can be needy at times.”
I took the fastest shower ever, not even giving myself time to rub one out like I normally would. Daddy had said the magic word, and that meant he was in charge. When I was little, I wasn’t supposed to touch myself. I also made sureallmy bits were cleaned just in case he was serious about getting all the dick I wanted after some little time.
Now that I knew how Brandon felt about me being little, I was excited about getting out of our suite. I'd have to bust my ass to get everything done, but I was exhausted. Not so much physically, but mentally and emotionally. The latter, I knew, was entirely my fault. If I hadn't been so worried about losing Brandon, I would have talked to him sooner. But even now, I harbored a fair amount of guilt because he had been my best friend long enough, I should have trusted that he would be honest with me.
I didn’t bother drying off. Daddy could help me with that. There was a trail of little water puddles from the bathroom all the way to our bedroom door. Brandon burst out laughing when I flung open the door. He swiped the towel left hanging off the head of his bed and tossed it over my dripping wet hair. I hummed as he scrubbed it dry. “Someone's in a hurry.”
“Well duh. You won't tell me where we’re going so, I figured I'd better not dawdle.”
