“No, I really think I’m going to be okay. They’ll have to leave Sunday afternoon so they can get home before it gets too late. I can work then.”
Good. That meant I didn’t have to feel bad about taking away his study time tonight. Realizing I wasn’t going to let him get back to his work tonight, Sam saved his work and shut down the computer. He neatly stacked everything on the little built-in desk between the kitchen and the living room. He rarely worked there, complaining that facing the wall felt like he was being punished, but he’d quickly claimed it as a home for his study materials and his laptop so that he wasn’t packing and unpacking it constantly.
While he finished, I grabbed my phone and placed a take-out order to be delivered. Knowing Sam, he hadn’t eaten since this morning. Other days, I’d have called him out for getting so caught up in studying that he forgot to eat, but I knew my boy’s brain was running out of control with his anxiety over this weekend and the end of college.
“Sammy, dinner will be here in twenty minutes. Let’s get you changed and, if you’re good, we’ll eat in the living room so you can watch your movie.” As soon as Sam turned around, I took his hand in mine, leading him to the bedroom.
Buying risers for the bed and a small step for Sammy’s side were two of my favorite purchases since he’d essentially moved in. I loved watching him wiggle his way onto the mattress when he was slipping into his little side. I placed my hands on his thighs and gave him a boost. He flipped onto his back, offering me a dopey grin. “Thank you, Daddy. You made the bed too big for me.”
I tickled Sammy’s sides as I slid my hands under his shirt. He squirmed around, giggling and smiling up at me. “You don’t like being in the big boy bed with Daddy?”
“I like it, but it’s so high up now! What if I fall out when I’m sleeping?”
I laid out the changing pad and wipes. Sammy lifted his bum off the mattress when I grabbed the waistband of his shorts. He shimmied his hips as I pulled down his shorts and undies. His back arched when I ghosted my fingers along the insides of his thighs. His dick started getting hard and peeked out. It was mean, but I couldn’t help myself. I rubbed my thumb over the tip just enough to drive him crazy without giving him any relief.
“If you’d taken a break like you were told earlier, maybe Daddy would have helped you with that,” I pointed out as I unfolded his diaper.
“I was going to, I swear,” he whined. “But then I kept telling myself I just needed to get a little bit more done and then it would be enough, and time got away from me and then you were home, and I was out of time. I didn’t mean to, Daddy.”
“I know you didn’t, baby, but that means you don’t get treats before dinner.” I smoothed out the diaper under him and he dropped his hips. I swear I could see the tension easing from his body as his skin met the cotton padding. His gaze drifted to the nightstand. It was rare that he regressed this far so quickly. I grabbed his paci and popped it into his mouth.
As I finished changing him into his unicorn jammies, I rambled about what I had planned for the night. It was time for him to finally let go, to giveallof his worries to me. Instead of helping Sammy slide off the bed once he was dressed for the night, I scooped him into my arms. As I turned off the light, I said, “You know, I think you’re right. The bed is much too high for my baby boy. Maybe I’ll have to get a rail for your side, so I don’t have to worry about you falling out and hurting yourself while we’re sleeping.”
“But it’s your bed, Daddy, and Daddies don’t need rails.” Sammy had been incredibly reluctant to too much of his gear taking over my bedroom.
“And that’s whyyouwill have a rail on your side of the bed, but I won’t.” I lifted him higher and he hooked his ankles behind my back. Going down the stairs while carrying him was tricky, but we’d eventually get the hang of it. “The other option is we can buy a crib for the nursery and you can sleep in there.”
Sammy scrunched up his nose and shook his head. “That’s an icky idea, Daddy. What happens if I wake up in the night and need you? Then you’ll have to get out of the big warm bed and come to my room. I don’t wanna sleep there, except maybe for naptimes.”
Interesting. He objected to sleeping apart but made no mention of the crib. I’d definitely be calling a local contact who created custom furniture for the lifestyle. My boy’s nursery was getting an overhaul as soon as possible. Knowing he wasn’t opposed to regressing a bit deeper made me feel hopeful about how tonight would go.
I helped Sammy get settled onto the couch. He grimaced and gave me a quizzical look when I barricaded him in the corner with throw pillows around him. “Can’t have my baby getting hurt before his big party, can I? Stay here and I’ll be right back with your drink.”
“Juice?” He bounced on the cushion, smiling up at me. I rubbed my chin like I was trying to decide if he should get juice or water with his dinner. After all, he loved his apple juice, but he’d also been naughty today. “I’ll be good all night if I have juice. Pinky promise.”
I picked up the remote and turned on his cartoons. He reached for his blankie, pulling it under his chin so he could rub the satin edging against his cheek. If I didn’t hurry, he was going to fall asleep before dinner arrived. I filled his sippy cup with juice, but also grabbed a bottle for later.
Sammy eyed the drinks when I set them on the end table. “Two drinks, Daddy? If I drink all that I’m gonna have a soggy bottom.”
“Then it’s a good thing Daddy has more diapers, isn’t it?” It was a shame we’d have company this weekend because I longed for a time when he could be little for more than a few hours or a night. Eventually, using his diaper would be second nature rather than something that embarrassed him. “You know Daddy loves when you need me to change you.”
“I know, but isn’t it icky for you?”
I lifted Sammy off the couch and settled into the spot where he’d been before pulling him onto my lap. He snuggled against my chest as he started sucking down his juice. “Take it easy, Sammy. If you ruin your appetite, you might not get treats before bed. As for your question, it’s not icky or gross, or any other adjective your busy brain might come up with. As your Daddy, I love nothing more than when you put your total trust in me for even your basic needs. It takes an immense level of trust to make yourself that vulnerable.”
“Okay,” he responded sleepily. Dinner needed to hurry up and get here. I had a boy to feed and then get to bed. It was going to be an exhausting weekend, both physically and emotionally.
