Sam
Opening night. This was what I’d been waiting for, but now that it was here, all I wanted to do was hide in the office and wait until someone noticed I was missing. My stomach churned and I made a beeline for the employee bathroom. My only saving grace was the fact I was still able to hurl in relative privacy.
There had to be something seriously wrong with me. Iwantedthis. When I’d first interviewed for a management job at The Lodge, I knew I’d been in over my head, but Jack had taken a chance on me. Since then, it had been nothing but chances. For some stupid reason, he looked at the ideas I brought to the table and thought I was onto something special. He didn’t realize the ideas I’d come up with for my final project in business school were a fantasy. They were safe spaces I felt like the kink community was missing.
My only logic for showing him the ideas my professor had been so excited about, was that I had bumped my head and was suffering from a bout of temporary insanity. Otherwise, I never would have had the balls to show him my drawings and the business plan that had been fueled by too much caffeine and insomnia.
“Sam, are you just about ready?” William’s booming voice stopped my race to the bathroom.
“Yeah, give me a second,” I called out as I sprinted to the end of the hall. Jack and I were going to have a long talk when he got back. I was pissed that my boss had decided to take some time off right when we were getting ready for the grand opening of the first playroom. He was out there somewhere, but he’d said tonight was on me. If he wasn’t such a good boss, I’d have suspected him of not wanting to be held accountable if the playroom was a flop.
I barely had time to flip the bolt on the door and throw myself over the toilet before the lunch Jack had insisted I eat came back to haunt me. No matter how many times he told me how happy he was with the progress, and that people were going to love my ideas, I couldn’t let go of the fear that it would fail, and it would be my fault. Maybe there was nothing wrong with the way he’d run The Lodge for years before I’d ever set foot in the bar. Maybe we didn’t need a space where littles and their Daddies could congregate. Maybe I had myself fooled and I was enough of a smooth talker that I’d convinced him to waste thousands of dollars.
“Sam, open up or I swear I’m going to break down this door.” I wasn’t scared of William. He was one of the good guys, even if he was a bit intense at times. I wondered how long I’d been hiding out in the bathroom if he was threatening property damage.
I swiped the back of my hand across my mouth as I stared at myself in the mirror. I’d been working here for three years now, and no one had made me. Someday, I might even believe in myself.
“Coming,” I called out. My mouth tasted like… Well, about like what one might expect their mouth to taste like after puking to the point of muscle strain. Jack was counting on me. I needed to get my shit together. I stared down my reflection, leaning in for a pep talk. “You’re a smart man. You went through every possible scenario before meeting with Jack, and he agreed with you. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Open the door and I’ll tell you the same,” William told me. I could almost picture him leaning against the opposite wall, looking all domly and brooding. “Come on, Sam. There’s a room full of Daddies and boys out there, but we aren’t opening the playroom until you open the doors. This is your baby and it’s time to show the world.”
I pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser and wetted it. I felt marginally better after washing my face, but I wished I had some toothpaste. When I cracked the door open, I found William leaning just as I’d imagined he would be. I wished I could hate the guy for how easy he made it to look cool.
The noise coming from the main bar was deafening—even through a closed door. Or maybe that was me hallucinating. Either way, tonight was far from a normal night and I didn’t trust myself to keep it together.
William gripped my shoulders tightly, turning me to face him. “Look at me, Sam.”
A shiver surged through my body at the stern tone in his voice. One of the hardest parts about working here was that I longed for someone to use that tone with me and mean it. But doing so meant making myself vulnerable, and after the last time, I wasn’t sure how long I’d suffer before working up the courage again. And yet, I was powerless to resist William’s command.
“You’re going to walk out there with your head held high. You’re a brilliant young man and everyone’s going to know it.” He dragged his thumb across my cheekbone. I closed my eyes, soaking in the warmth of his palm. I couldnotlet myself get attached to him. Even if he was sweet and tender under the gruff exterior he portrayed around here, he was off limits. There was no way anyone could miss the chemistry and tension between him and Corey, one of the bartenders.
And yet, he instructed you and Corey to lay down together for a nap earlier today. What if…
Nope. No point going down that road.
“Now, what do you say we get out there and open the playroom?” William pulled me in for a hug, rubbing my back until my breathing slowed and my stomach settled. “You got this?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” And if I wasn’t, I’d fake it the same way I’d done with everything else around here. I wasn’t qualified for a management job when I’d walked in for my interview but, somehow, I’d convinced Jack I was the perfect candidate. Since then, he’d slowly been handing over more control to me. I slipped my hand into William’s, allowing him to guide me through the bar.
I felt the eyes on me, but I was safe standing next to William. He wouldn’t let anyone tear me down.
No one wants to tear you down. You’re not living that life anymore. Believe in yourself.
Instead of napping this afternoon, I should have gotten online to talk to Maverick. He’d have told me…
He’d have said the same things William’s telling you, but you’d rather believe a faceless person you met online.
“What was that?” William stopped me near the end of the bar. I blinked a few times, truly seeing the sight before me. The crowd wasn’t nearing fire capacity or anything, but there were dozens more than I’d convinced myself would show up.
“Nothing. Sorry, sometimes I talk to myself and the words escape my head.” It was only the fact that William had gotten to know me that kept me from sounding like a total loon.
William gave me the,what are we going to do with you, look I’d gotten used to over the years, ruffled my hair, and led me through the crowd. When Corey joined us, I tried to imagine what we looked like to outsiders—the burly Daddy with his boys on either side of him.
Nothis boys. I couldn’t let myself fall into that trap. Corey might have only agreed to pretend to be with him for the night, but I knew better. Corey was losing his ability to resist. I couldn’t exactly blame him. If it was anyone else, I’d have been jealous as hell. Still, I’d be willing to bet William was the envy of the room with the way things looked to those who didn’t know better.
“We’d like to thank you all for coming out tonight,” William greeted them. The room fell silent and every pair of eyes in the room focused on us. “I can still remember when Jack first talked about opening The Lodge. He wanted it to be a place where people could safely explore whatever kinky desire their dirty minds latched onto.” A wave of laughter filtered through the room. “And now, thanks to Sam, we’re taking another step on that journey. It’s because of the man to my left that this room exists.”
Their praise came at me from every direction, and I couldn’t make out what any of them were saying. I took a step closer to William, then back, uncomfortable being on display. It was easier if I blended in. But William had other plans. He led me to the door, taking my hand and placing it on the doorknob. Corey placed a hand on my shoulder, leaning in to whisper the reassurance I desperately needed. “Show them, Sam. Let everyone see what you’ve created. They’re going to love it as much as we do.”
